I JUST WANT THE TATTOO

RACE REPORTPART 5: PUTTING THE SWIM BEHIND ME

2008-06-25T23:00:00.000-07:00

ok, so this part is about the bike, THE LONGEST PART OF THE DAY, so consider yourself warned. does your wireless work in the bathroom?? you might wanna take the laptop in there with ya, maybe break this down into a few bathroom sessions...settle in folks, cuz y'all know how i like to be thorough....

out into the bike staging area, i run to the Powerbar banner and cut left heading for THE FUCKER. first order of business is to rip off the 2 extra gel flasks of Perpetuem and put them in the back of my jersey. for those of you who've been reading since the beginning, you'll recall that i experimented quite a bit with both sweet and savory flavors mixed into the plain flavored Perpetuem powder. i can't stand all the sweet, syrupy flavors for hours and hours, which means I CANNOT DO GELS, but alas the savory flavors that i liked the best required too much weight to ship in my bike case. i ultimately settled on two sweet flavors that i enjoyed enough and could alternate between flasks for a change in flavor from hour to hour. i brought the Mexican chocolate flavor of Abuelita that i was able to find in single serving hot chocolate powder packets. the second flavor was Chai Latte, also in powder form that i scooped into a small sandwich baggy for shipping in the bike case. it was a great mix between a Mexican hot chocolate drink and my very own Starbucks Chai Latte!! i'd also throw in some Luna Moons to mix up the flavor and consistency a bit more. if i don't, i'll get bored and quickly grow tired of getting in the much needed calories, and that would definitely spell D.I.S.A.S.T.E.R...

running with THE FUCKER now outta transition, i'm still stunned at my swim time, and i can't let it go. hands down my slowest swim EVAH. i'd been doing ocean swims since early March in all sorts of conditions, glassy, choppy, big ass surf AND strong currents. all swims indicated i could expect between a 1:15 and a 1:20 swim. this was the event i had in the bag!!! and i'm not the sort of cyclist who can make up time, rather, i JUST BARELY HOLD MY OWN, so there's no making up 18 MINUTES!!! now i'm running up to the mount line barefoot with my shoes clipped in the pedals, and there's a typical logjam of athletes all across the line and about 3 people deep. this just looks like a cluster fuck that i want no part of, so in my typical fashion, i run several yards past everyone up ahead and onto the bike course to finally mount off to the side. athlete's and spectators always look at me funny like i'm breaking a rule or something by running past them to mount. once again, remember, the mount line is only there to designate that you have to mount PAST IT. there's no rule that says you have to mount within 3 feet past it...

THE BIKE

a'ight!!! THE FUCKER and i are now ONE. i slowly begin my pedal off to the side of the course as i put my feet into my shoes and velcro in. now it's time to keep it aero and spin at 85-90 rpm for 99% of the distance. once again, the laughter starts up. i'm smiling and laughing and just STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS!! hell, i'm gonna be here longer than most, the longest segment to my day for sure. who wants to frown that long??

the course is a two loop repeat that goes from the race village in Jurere Beach out onto the highway and towards downtown Florianopolis where we'll hit the 2 hills. at the far end of Downtown, we'll pass the one bridge that connects the island to the mainland. out on this point heading towards the south bay of the island, we'll do the crazy ass zig zag through two highway tunnels, then head back out of Downtown back towards the north bay and onto the 3rd section of the loop heading closer towards our hotel in Canasvieiras. this portion is more rural and while not the part of the course that has the 2 prominent hills, it's a long false flat that moves into an obvious gradual climb. depending on whether the wind picks up, this may be where i'll start to hurt.

down the main drag and over a few speed bumps, then a right turn out onto a small 1/4 mile section of cobblestones before we really head out onto the course. just as we're riding through the cobblestone section, a Team Disney racer comes by and recognizes my LA Tri Club top...

Team Disney guy: "GO LA TRI!!!"

me: " go Team Disney!! DO IT FOR WEDGIE!!!"

he turns around and grabs a glance at me:

TDG: "YOU KNOW WEDGIE??"

me: "who doesn't know Wedgie?? DO IT FOR WEDGIE!!!"

he chuckles and continues on past me.

ok, time to focus on my bike strategy. i've got my computer going and set to only show elapsed time, heart rate, and cadence. NO SPEED. my main focus right now is to watch my heart rate and relax enough into a spin to get it to come down after the excitement of coming outta the water and transition. nothing but water until my heart rate comes down to at least 140. this will be a sign that my stomach has calmed down and is ready to take in and digest calories. before we're off the cobblestones, a man points out that one of my bottles has just launched. wow, ok, that happened a little earlier than i expected. do i turn around a go back for it?? NO.WAY. too many peeps still coming at me on the cobblestones. again, another cluster fuck of a disaster waiting to happen if i turn around here!! i'd planned for this with extra baggies mixed with my Gatorade Endurance and Carbo Pro, and i still had plenty to get me well to the next aid station and beyond. NOPE. KEEP GOING!!!

first onto a short 2-3 mile stretch of rural road heading towards the highway. there are several of us leapfrogging around for position. i pass someone, two minutes later, they pass me, and this continues for a while, but i'm happy to let them all pass as i'm still wanting to spin easy and get my heart rate to come down. i'm careful to observe the drafting rules, as they warned that the referees would be strict. apparently IM Brasil and other foreign races are notorious for racers drafting, so if you're going for a goal like Kona, sometimes you gotta get in the game to hold your own. me though, not so much going for Kona, so i'll try to follow the rules. basically, you have to maintain a distance of 10 meters between your front wheel and the back wheel of riders in front of you. if you're gonna pass someone, you have 20 seconds to do it, and if you're being passed you have to stand down the 20 seconds and allow that person to pass you and reach the 10 meter limit before you can begin another pass. and just for good measure, all along the course, both on the rural roads AND the highway, there were several long strips of painted stripes spaced 10 meters apart. these weren't just for us to gauge our distance to other riders, but also a reference for the refs to quickly assess groups of riders and thereby penalize them with a yellow card if necessary. two yellow cards, and YOU'RE DISQUALIFIED. now i've never intentionally drafted off of someone in a race on the bike portion. i don't even like to train with others in a pace line situation. it just makes me too nervous, but here on race day, it's virtually impossible at some points to not be directly behind somebody just out of naturally being the same pace as them. did i wanna slow down to be out of their draft?? preferably not, especially when there's someone RIGHT ON MY ASS already. think they're gonna slow down behind me too?? not likely. and do i wanna speed up and try to pass this person in front of me?? can i keep up and STAY in front of them?? not likely. listen, man, i just wanna keep my spin going at 85-90 rpm and sit right where i am. this doesn't necessarily make me an intentional drafter...

now we're onto the highway towards downtown Florianopolis. we take the inside lane of the highway as traffic is open in the right lane. i'm spotting the shards of the plastic cones that have already shattered on the course. gotta watch out for these and not catch a flat, so im carefully steering THE FUCKER around the worst of it. heart rate is coming down, and i'm just about 20 minutes into the bike, so it's time to start taking in calories and continue taking them in until i'm done with the distance. i start with the Mexican chocolate flask. the full nutrition strategy is to eat and drink certain fractions of my flasks and drink bottles on the 15's and salt with one Salt Stick cap on the 30's. if it got really warm or humid or i started to cramp, i had extra salt caps and would bump up to two on the 30's. this was enough of an assignment to keep me focused for quite a while, but it was also time to start "THE SOUNDTRACK"...

THE SOUNDTRACK is a list of songs that show up in my big "workout" playlist on the ipod shuffle. in training, i NEVER listen to my ipod on the bike. it's just not safe, EVER, but i do use it quite a lot for the run as well as listen to my favorite triathlon and Portuguese related podcasts while driving or lifting weights or dreadmill running at the gym. on the bike, though, i like to keep myself focused and my cadence up by singing choruses of songs to myself over and over. thing is, there's a gamillion songs on my ipod, and when i'm on the bike, it's difficult to recall them outta thin air. so in the days before the race, i made a much shorter playlist of "The Power Songs," the tried and true songs with the choruses that just keep me going forward no matter what. i listened to it quite a bit during race week to ingrain the few songs i'd need out there into my conscious. i've changed the songs on the cassette player up top to THE SOUNDTRACK, and i'll share snippets of the verses and the choruses here and there throughout the rest of the report:

so we're gonna get this party started with a little Stevie Wonder, a little salsa/merengue/funk inspired ditty titled "Don't You Worry 'Bout A Thing."

Todo 'sta bien chévere...You got that??
Everybody needs a change
A chance to check out the new
But you're the only one to see
The changes you take yourself through

Don't you worry 'bout a thing
Don't you worry 'bout a thing, mama
Cause I'll be standing on the side
When you check it out...Yeah
When you get it off...your trip
Don't you worry 'bout a thing...Yeah
Don't you worry 'bout a thing...Yeah

and sometimes i'm not just singing my soundtrack quietly inside to myself. so i'm pluggin' along, holding aero pretty strong and i hit the first hill on the course. it's not too steep or too long, but when i come down the backside, i let THE FUCKER FLY!!! the roads are still kinda sketchy, with shards of plastic cones everywhere and clumped with crack seal in spots, so i'm letting loose and watching for crap in the road about 4 feet ahead of me. imagine how insane i must look to the others around me as i'm flyin' downhill and wailing my Stevie Wonder lyrics...heading up over the second hill which is a bit longer and steeper, i look down and realize that the metallic pen marks i made to set where my bullhorns go are misaligned and now my aerobars are sloping downwards. i must've not tightened the stem enough when i put THE FUCKER together out of the case. great, this is gonna cause some back pain if i don't fix it. i get to the top and have to pull over to the right, now standing THISCLOSE to the moving traffic in the right hand lane, to pull up on the horns and realign the metallic marks. damn, i hope this holds. i don't wanna have to keep stopping for this...

the course is marked with large, yellow painted icons marking the distance every 10k and 15k or so. luckily, i learned just before the race that 112 miles converts to 180k. you'd think that the number 180 instead of 112 would mess with me mentally, but when the markers come faster and more frequently, there's also a sense of major accomplishment!!! coming into Downtown now, the yellow icon reads "2ok," but first a quick out and back towards the University. there's activity on the streets, but there's really not a whole lotta cheering crowds anywhere. occasionally, i see a few clumps of kids, and it seems as though they're cheering for us, but soon i notice their collection of water bottles and realize they're just yelling out for us to throw ours to them. screw that!! i'm keeping these suckers for souvenirs!!

heading into Downtown now and this is where the road conditions are the smoothest on the entire course, so it's really an opportunity to stay fully aero and spin with no worries. the course is now winding along the Malecón waterfront. there are droves of people all out, but i get the sense they're more so out for their Sunday stroll than to really watch and cheer for anybody in particular. still, they look on with interest. lots of boats in the bay as well. lots to be distracted and inspired by, and still we're racing right along with the Sunday traffic which can get pretty heavy on this little island!!! the police and volunteers are doing a stellar job of keeping us all safe and in line with the cars, and at every aid station, every opportunity to wave and thank them, i do so with a beaming smile.

"MUITO OBRIGADA A TODOS!!!"
(thank you everyone!!)

at the aid stations i'm simply grabbing water to mix my own baggies into as the course offered Gatorade but not the Endurance formula i trained with and relied on for much of my basic sodium. as the bottles need filling, i pull over briefly to do so, but other than that, i'm moving forward the entire time all the while still eating, drinking and salting on schedule. the course feels flat, smooth, and a little more exposed to the wind along the Malecón, so i'm inspired to change up the soundtrack a bit to reflect the hustle and bustle of of the Brasilian Sunday going on all around me. i envision if there were a music video of this moment, the camera would be stationary on a tripod and the edit would be a sped up stop and start of all the racers on bikes, the traffic and traffic lights, the locals, the boats, all reflecting the build up of excitement that's going on inside of me!!! i now move onto the Athens Georgia band, Of Montreal, and a song titled "We Were Born The Mutants Again With Leafling." the beat is a mellow but driving ambient/electro groove that nearly mimics my cadence. there's a cacophony of casio keyboard-like samples of what sound like the bell chorus that used to play at assembly at my junior high, but it's the little sing song voices in between the verses that really keep me going. the title and lyrics, though, make absolutely no sense and perfect sense all at the same time. kinda like us going for the Iron Dream ya know? one second it makes no sense and we question what we're doing out on this course, and in the next instant, the grey clouds part and we continue plodding on with more resolve than ever!!! seriously, peeps, this is the kinda shit i need to think about to keep me distracted and moving forward!!!

No mere limp verse could incite
identity destruction
Our particles are in motion

Sometimes we're not legible
but we're the same strange animal
Let them say our love is peculiar, don't care

There's only now, no ever after
we won't let this end in disaster
You are my twin, no, I will never go there

i'm now coming up on the second distinct section of the course heading past the Hercilio Luz Bridge towards the south bay of the island and the crazy ass maze of turns through the two highway tunnels. it had been explained to me on the course tour, and they even showed a powerpoint presentation with an animation of it at the athlete's meeting , but i was still confused as to how this was all gonna go down. once again though, the course was clearly marked, the volunteers were awesome, and i was making my way through the maze without much incident. this part is kinda fun because you get to pass others coming and going from opposite directions. i take a look at people who are now on the opposite side of the road, clearly behind me on the bike, and i get a new burst of confidence. there's dudes on way slicker rides than THE FUCKER, wearing aero helmets AND sporting disc wheels, and i know they're not on their second lap yet. no matter that soon they would pass me. right now, right at this second, I'M AHEAD OF THEM. all it really meant was that perhaps they're not the strongest swimmers, maybe they even had the unlucky fortune of catching a flat early on, but i'd held them off for more than 40k. right now, right at this second, I'M AHEAD OF THEM. i stop again out on this section to remix some more of my Gatorade Endurance and Carbo Pro, and soon i'm passing the 50k mark on the road and heading back towards Downtown. i start to get distracted with the marker i'd just passed. i start looking at my watch and trying to do the math.

"ok, so i'm roughly over a quarter of the way, and it took me such and such time to get here. so that time multiplied x4, well maybe i can get the bike done in under 7 hours!!! ok, so my swim sucked ass, but now if i can do the bike in under 7 hours, that still gives me just under 6 hours to come outta t2, run the marathon and come in under my goal of between 14:00 and 14:30. still, i have no idea how my run is gonna go, but i think i can pull it off in under 6. i can't remember the last time i ran a marathon in over 6 hours, but then again, i still don't know how i'm gonna feel, and i've never run a marathon after 114.4 miles of swim and bike first..."

back in Downtown, i start to see the lead pack of men coming in the opposite direction. now i'm distracted with looking out for Oli. i wonder where he is and whether he's on pace to his goal of breaking the 10 hour mark, but it's too dangerous to take my eyes off the road for too long. STAY FOCUSED!! next, i check in with THE FUCKER. yes, you read it right, i start talking to my ride...

"FUCKER you are so friggin' awesome!!! i can't believe how smooth you're riding after all we went through to get here. thanks for all the hours of training you've given me. thanks for hanging in today. please, let's just keep going strong, k?? no flats, let's just not get any flats, not today," then the laughing starts up again..."FUCKER, WE'RE REALLY HERE, AND WE'RE REALLY DOING THIS!! WE'RE DOING IRONMAN!!!"

now through Downtown and back up over the hills toward the 3rd section of the loop. i pass the 60k mark and my mind goes back to doing more math...

"ok, so now i'm exactly a 3rd of the way there. such and such time multiplied x3 and I'M DEFINITELY ON TRACK FOR A 7 HOUR BIKE!!! but can i keep this pace?? am i gonna hurt on the next lap?? and still 6 hours, 6 hours to come outta t2, run the marathon and come in under my goal of between 14:00 and 14:30. still, i have no idea how my run is gonna go, but i think i can pull it off in under 6. i can't remember the last time i ran a marathon in over 6 hours, but then again, i still don't know how i'm gonna feel, and i've never run a marathon after 114.4 miles of swim and bike first...STOP!!!! STOP WITH THE CALCULATIONS!! STAY.IN.THE.MOMENT!!"

from here on out, i refuse to do anymore math, barely look at my watch anymore. it's time to simply focus on my cadence, my heart rate, and make sure i'm still getting those calories in as scheduled. so far i haven't missed one feeding. ok, and it's time to get back to THE SOUNDTRACK up over these hills. let's move onto another song, shall we?? next up is a friend from my past, Jill Scott from Philly, with "Golden," a nice 70's funk inspired tune that inspires and brings out the inner afro in me...

I'm takin' my own freedom
Puttin' it in my song
Singin' loud and strong
Groovin' all day long
I'm takin' my freedom
Puttin' it in my stroll
I be high-stepping ya'll
Lettin' the joy unfold
I'm…

Chorus:
Livin' my life like it's golden
Livin' my life like it's golden
Livin' my life like it's golden
Livin' my life like it's golden
Livin' my life like it's golden, golden
(Repeat)

I'm holdin' on to my freedom
Can't take it from me
I was born into it
It comes naturally
I'm strummin' my own freedom
Playin' the God in me
Representin' His glory
Hope He's proud of me!
Yeah!

i'm GOLDEN for sure now, back up over the hills and onto the last leg of the loop. it's a false flat, wind isn't too strong, but this was the one part of the course we cut short on the tour earlier in the week. i just don't know how far this false flat goes before the turnaround, nor am i recognizing any of the people coming back from the turnaround in the other direction. i have no gauge of where i'm at in the pack or when this is gonna end. it's starting to mess with me mentally...

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE, HOW FAR DOES THIS GO?? WHERE'S THE FRIGGIN' TURNAROUND? I DON'T RECOGNIZE ANY OF THESE FOOLS COMING BACK. THEY ALL LOOK FAST. I MUST HAVE MILES TO GO!!! THIS SUCKS BALLS..."

ok, the mind is definitely playing tricks on me. STAY.FOCUSED.THIS TO SHALL PASS. NO.FREAKING OUT!!! i've gotta snap outta this. need to pull a doozy outta THE SOUNDTRACK to get me through this rough spot, and i've come up with the perfect answer. this one's by The Flaming Lips, titled "The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song (With All Your Power)", and it does just that. it gives me POWER...

If you could make your own money and then give it to everybody
Would you do it?
If you knew all the answers and could give it to the masses
Would you do it?
No no no no no no are you crazy?
It's a very dangerous thing to do exactly what you want
Because you cannot know yourself or what you'd really do

With all your power
With all your power
With all your power
What would you do?

along this leg, the scenery is more rural and people are out closer to the roads cheering. i get the sense that they think i'm a local Brasileira because they scream a little louder for me than they do for Mighty Whitey (he was French actually) who's just up ahead. i'll take all the local love i can get. it makes me smile again, laugh some more, and yell back..

"MUITO OBRIGADA FLORIPA!!!"

(thank you Floripa!!)

FINALLY!!! i make it to the turnaround. turns out it was only about a 2 mile out and back, but without knowing where i was going, it felt like FOREVER!! and now it's the opposite of the false flat. i take this opportunity to use gravity and mash a little back to the turnoff off the highway. now, it's only about 4k to the halfway mark and special needs. i'm careful to watch out for more orange plastic shards and the HUGE BRICK SIZE REFLECTORS in the road. back over the short cobblestone section and getting closer to transition, the crowds are thick, and people are cheering in a gamillion different languages. on my left i hear a volunteer call out my number on a megaphone. i stop and wait for my special needs bag, but he ushers me along indicating that i still need to go to the end of the block, turnaround, and my bag will be ready on the return coming back in the other direction. DOH!! SUCH EFFICENCY!!! up at the end of the turn, the crowds are going apeshit, and I.AM.A.ROCKSTAR!! they must think i'm Brasileira, i'm certain they do, and then the announcer calls out my name and says i'm from The States, but i correct him...

"MAS, HOJE, SOU BRASILEIRA!! OBRIGADA BRASIL!!!"

(but today, i'm Brasilian!!! thank you Brasil!!)

the crowd goes apeshit again. they've adopted me, and now i'm one of them!!! coming around the bend i see the volunteers holding out several special needs bags, and i've already identified mine with the pink vinyl tape. sure enough, it's another HAWTIE who's got a hold of it. i grab it from him and slowly come to a stop to survey the goodies inside. i immediately go for the potato chips and the Snickers and damn they've never tasted so good!!! he walks with me, grabbing for THE FUCKER and tells me he'll hold my ride for me if i need to use the porta potty. YESSS!! my very own bike valet!!! so i hop into the porta potty, take a quick whizzz, and reapply more chammy butter to the bike shorts. so far no chafing, no fire crotch, but i'm already sittin' on the pot, so why not reapply for good measure?? outta the porta potty now and one last scan of the bag. i grab for more baggies of drink powder but leave the ton of other Luna Moons and Sports Beans in there as i still had a ton left in the bento box that i hadn't even eaten yet.

90K DOWN. I'M HALFWAY THERE!!!

now back out onto the cobblestones for a short jaunt before heading out onto the highway again. i don't wanna launch another bottle here, so i slow down a bit and take this opportunity to check in with myself, see how i'm doin' physically..

stomach?? good.
back?? good.
ass chafe?? nope.
THE SASCROTCH?? holding up. nothing major.
sunburn?? nope.
feet?? cool and dry.
quads?? feeling it, but holding up.
hammies?? same as above.
lips?? could use some bert's beeswax back in t2.

miraculously, i'm still in good shape. could i hold up the whole way? was i gonna slow down on the second loop?? STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STAY.IN.THE.MOMENT.

heading back out for the second loop, i'm now recharged by the crowds. there's an advantage to the 2 loop format of the course, and even if i may start feeling the fatigue setting in, there's no mystery to this second time around. i know which parts are gonna suck more than others, and i know which parts i can rock on. i'm back out onto the highway now, and I SPOT OLI!!! he's flying, and by my calculations, has about 20k to go. at this point, he's well on his way to hitting his goal!!! but shit, he's almost done, and i'm JUST heading out for the second loop.

I.HATE.THAT.GUY.

the pack is definitely thinning now, and i'm not passing anyone anymore. i wanna hit those downhills again. i need to coast a little. i also need to switch up THE SOUNDTRACK. seeing Oli has inspired me to channel a little Brit punk number from Ian Dury titled, "Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll", a sly, Cockney pub-rock anthem that's such a nod to the old me and such the antithesis of the lifestyle i've adopted to get me to today...

Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Sex and drugs and rock and roll
Is very good indeed

Every bit of clothing ought to make you pretty
You can cut the clothing, grey is such a pity
I should wear the clothing of Mr. Walter Mitty
See my tailor, he's called Simon, I know it's going to fit

Here's a little piece of advice
You're quite welcome it is free
Don't do nothing that is cut price
You know what that'll make you be
They will try their tricky device
Trap you with the ordinary
Get your teeth into a small slice
The cake of liberty

i've made it back over the hills and back into Downtown now, heading towards the University again. i'm now leapfrogging with a few women i've never seen before. they musta been way behind me and now they've caught up. WTF?? i must be slowing down. WTF?? i feel the sudden urge to challenge and surge past them, but i know what a stupid move that would be. along the Malecón again, and the wind has picked up a little bit. nothing too scary, but i'm definitely feeling a little more resistance. no worries. i just gotta keep my spin going, and that might require a smaller gear. i'm definitely letting these women slip ahead of me now, and it's REALLY MESSING WITH ME...

"i'm slow. i suck, and this whole thing is going south now... stop. stop. STOP.IT. you knew there were gonna be parts that sucked. so you're in one right now. it's not gonna suck forever, so JUST KEEP SPINNING!!! THIS.TOO.SHALL.PASS..."

i'm a little low now. i need some help. i need Jimmy Cliff and "You Can Get It If You Really Want." notice, i've changed up the spelling of the lyrics a bit...

You can get it if you really want
You can get it if you really want
You can get it if you really want
But you must TRI, TRI and TRI TRI and TRI,
you'll succeed at last I know it, listen

Rome was not built in a day
Opposition will come your way
But the hotter the battle you see
It's the sweeter the victory, now

You can get it if you really want - I know it
You can get it if you really want - don't I show it!!!
You can get it if you really want
so don't give up now

Jimmy Cliff is getting me through this. THE FUCKER is getting me through this. I AM GETTING ME THROUGH THIS. the two women are way up ahead and out of view now, and there's nothing i can do about it. gotta race my own race, and right now i'm not racing, I'M JUST SURVIVING. but i AM surviving, and i'm now at the crazy ass tunnels again. they give me a little protection from the wind, and i'm happy for the shelter. it's getting harder and harder to get the calories in, not because my stomach is rejecting anything, but i'm definitely sick of the Perpetuem. i switch it up to Luna Moons for a feeding, and it seems to break up the monotony a little. turning around at the first tunnel and heading towards the second tunnel, i happen upon another Team Disney racer. i recognize this guy now. i've seen him at some of the Wednesday morning ocean swims in Santa Monica and of course at Nautica Malibu where they dominate the entertainment industry challenge every year. it's Nabil, and he's here for the second year in a row, and he says the winds are nothing like last year which makes me feel a little better, but just a little, and then i feel like a total wuss. seriously peeps, I DO NOT LIKE THE WIND, not even a little breeze. i'd just assume ride straight uphill a 100 miles in the big ring only than have to head into any wind. we ride side by side for a little bit which is TOTALLY AGAINST THE RULES, but it's nice to have a conversation out loud for a second and not have to sing songs in my head. Nabil starts to move ahead and i wish him well.

"GO ON NABIL!! DO IT FOR WEDGIE!!"

he laughs and is on his way to the next tunnel turnaround. i'm not far behind him, and we wave now heading in opposite directions. i make the turnaround and head one last time in the opposite direction for home. this is it. i just gotta make it to the furthest turnaround, and then from here on out, i'm pretty much heading home!! just then i come up upon one of the women who'd passed me earlier, and she's throwing a water bottle. she's not in a designated throw away zone, nor does she notice the ref sitting on the motorcycle to the side of the road. OH SNAP. YELLOW CARD. she looks totally bewildered and tries to explain that she was throwing it to the kids, but the ref isn't buyin' it and continues to hold the yellow card in her face. now she's gotta sit and wait there 5 minutes...

"SEE YA. WOULDN'T WANNA BE YA..."

THESE REFS ARE SERIOUS AS A HEART ATTACK!! there's no way i'm throwin' those kids any of my bottles now. almost to the turnaround and i see the other woman who had passed me earlier. i was certain they were both gone for good, but i can see that she's slowing down now too. maybe not enough for me to catch her, but she's not as far ahead as i thought. see how this day can switch up on you??

"WHATEVER, BEYOTCH. I'LL CATCH YOU ON THE RUN FOR SURE."

(hey, it's healthy to have a just a LITTLE competition in your day isn't it?)

i'm at about the 50k mark of the second loop and heading for home. i'm definitely feeling the fatigue, maybe even slowing down a bit, but nothing worse than anything i've ever felt on any of my longest training rides. just gotta get back through Downtown and up over those hills ONE LAST TIME while keeping it spinning comfortably. i need a kick ass fast song right now. even if i'm not going fast in this wind, i need a song that makes me feel fast. i can't believe i haven't called on my boy PRINCE all day!!! nothing does it for me like Prince, and there's no bigger Prince fan than me out here today. i mean, i did faint at his concert and all. it's not one of his hit singles, but a kick-ass number nonetheless. the beat is super syncopated in layers of drums and hand claps that make me wanna dance across a room all crazy like James Brown. it's titled "Tamborine" and in true Prince fashion, it's straight up dirty, but it's makin' me feel like i'm flyin' even though i'm not...

Oh my God here U are
Prettiest thing in life I've ever seen
Close my eyes what's it like,
What's it like inside your tamborine?

Oh my God, there I go
Falling in love with the face in a magazine (uh oh, not again)
All alone by myself
Me and I play my tamborine

Tamborine
Tamborine
Tamborine
Tamborine
Long days, lonely nights
Tamborine
Long days, lonely nights
Tamborine

"ok, here come the hills. come on FUCKER, let's just get this done. slow and steady, i don't care. let's just get this done, k??"

heading up the hills, the traffic is building up in the right lane. car after car all the way up. they look out there windows, some blaring some spicy tunes, some of them waving their hands, an occasional gratuitous honk, but most of them looking at us like we're insane and we're slowing their whole day down. i'm starting to catch up to a group of about 6 guys now. these are grown men with names like "Rodrigo" and "Paulo" and "Gustavo" on their bibs, and i am stuck in a clump with them going up the second hill. i'm tired, i don't wanna push it or mash up this hill, but i can't get out of this clump. we're still against the bumper to bumper traffic in the right lane, so i can't see that a ref is gonna come up on us. fuck it. i'm stayin' put right behind Rodrigo and Paulo and the rest of his hombres can sit on my ass too for all i car. can they really get us for drafting going UPHILL?? almost to the top, and we're now leapfrogging with a public bus in the right lane. there's a bunch of kids sitting in the back and they go NUTS when they see me. i think that they must see this woman who's hangin' in there with all these guys and they think i'm cool. at least that's what i wanna believe. hey, it's helping. they slide the windows open and halfway hang their bodies out the side of the bus to high five me. they start chanting my name. not Rodrigo or Paulo or Gustavo. MY NAME!!!

"MO-NI-CA!!! MO-NI-CA!!! MO-NI-CA!!! MO-NI-CA!!!"

i want my camera so bad right now!! i wanna take their picture. i wanna remember each and every one of their beautiful little faces. they're just clownin' at the back of the bus, but they have no idea what they're doing for me right now. but i don't think the dudes in my pack appreciate it OR ME. on the downhill i start to fly, letting go of the brakes completely and pedaling as fast as i can until there's just nowhere to spin and i'm at about 150 rpm. i'm assuming these guys speak Portuguese, so i make sure that there's no language barrier here...

"ESQUERDO!!! ESCUERDO!!!"
(LEFT!! LEFT!!)

i wait to see if any of the boys will attack, and of course they do. these are LATIN MEN AFTER ALL!!! so i just fall back into the middle of the pack. i slowly begin trying to pass one or two of them, cuz, well, as hot as Rodrigo's ass is, i'm just sick of being behind it, and i'll be damned if i get a yellow card. but the boys are relentless and insist on challenging me at every move. really? cuz from where i'm sittin', it's pretty obvious to me that we're not in the contention for any Kona slots here. are you gonna get an award for beating this one girl?? FOR BULLYING THIS ONE GIRL?? this is stupid. i'm nearly done. i'm almost there, and i still have to run a marathon after this. I.DO.NOT.WANT.TO.BLOW.UP. JUST LET ME OUTTA HERE ALREADY!!!

this definitely evokes a new song from THE SOUNDTRACK. it's all i can do not to fly off the handle and throw something or spit at these macho fucks. really, I'M.THAT.PISSED... a little American Rock classic from Tom Petty from a solo stint without The Heartbreakers, but it still appears on their Greatist Hits Collection. it's titled "I Won't Back Down." it's not even a song that originally appeared on THE SOUNDTRACK, but the beat is mellow, slow, and steady, and the lyrics will help me calm down, help me find my resolve...

Well I won't back down, no I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down

Gonna stand my ground, won't be turned around
And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down
Gonna stand my ground and I won't back down

Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
Hey I will stand my ground
And I won't back down.

Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I'll stand my ground and I won't back down

we're just a few miles from heading into the last segment of the loop, the false flat. nobody has moved, and i'm right in the middle. suddenly i sense something, a presence, to my right. i can hear the engine of a motorcycle and it's hovering within earshot. i'm afraid to turn my head, afraid to take my eyes off the road when i'm in the middle of the pack. it's so dangerous. but a few more seconds, and the motorcycle has not passed us. it's still hovering.

SHIT.

i quickly look over my shoulder and right into the eyes of the ref through the dark visor of her helmet. yes, i'm pretty certain it was a female ref. i gave her a look to say, "what can i do?? these fucks won't let up!!!" but the look back was something like "you better make a move or you're ass is mine..." and here i was in the middle of the pack looking like the worst offender. so i stand up outta the saddle for a few good mash pedals to ramp up the speed. then i tuck into aero, hold a big gear and pedal as fast as i can to get outta the soup. i'm pedaling for dear life now, and i'm feeling it. this hurts. it feels like a night doing intervals on the trainer at home. these stupid fucks are ruining my day with this macho shit. i fiercely pedal for about 10 more seconds and then look back to see if i'm holding my own, but THERE'S NOBODY THERE!!! SWEET BABY JESUS!!! back in the distance, i can see one lone guy, but then behind him the motorcycle is stopped with the other 4 guys and they're all flailing their arms. OH SNAP. YELLOW CARD. guess, when i took off, the rest of the pack didn't disperse enough. this makes me channel my inner Faye Dunnaway in Mommy Dearest...

"DON'T FUCK WITH ME, FELLAS!! THIS AIN'T MY FIRST TIME AT THE RODEO!!"

now up onto the false flat, and i know i have to spin easy to let my legs recover from "the showdown" but i'm good. really, i'm good. what, maybe 20 more minutes?? a half hour?? 45?? no matter. i just have to spin spin spin and stay the hell away from anymore bullies. must keep feeding. time to switch from the thick pancake batter Perpetuem to all Luna Moons now for easiest digestion. gotta keep salting. keep drinking. don't lose focus now. what song do i wanna bring it in with?? somethin' feel good. somethin' fast?? no, instead i opt for a slower tune that i like to cool down with. it's time to cool down. it's time to calm the heart rate and get ready to be upright again. this one comes by way of England and another super fav of mine, David Bowie. it's titled "Heroes." it's got a slow, driving 4/4 beat i remember well as one of the first easy songs i learned to play on the drums in high school. the guitars and horns are classically layered like an early 50's rock tune. it reminds of something you'd hear during the rolling credits of a killer flick, so it's perfect as the rolling credits to the end of my ride. Bowie starts off kinda low with his voice, but by the end he's screaming and wailing with everything he's got. kinda how i feel now. i'm exhausted, but not too far gone, and i'm gonna scream and wail my way to the end of this bike course with everything i have left. but it's gonna have to be a slow drivin' scream and wail...

I, I will be king
And you, you will be queen
Though nothing will drive them away
We can be Heroes, just for one day
We can be us, just for one day

I, I can remember (I remember)
Standing, by the wall (by the wall)
And the guns, shot above our heads (over our heads)
And we kissed, as though nothing could fall (nothing could fall)
And the shame, was on the other side
Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever
Then we could be Heroes, just for one day

We can be Heroes
We can be Heroes
We can be Heroes
Just for one day
We can be Heroes

coming off the highway now, and i've got enough smile left to flash a sweet shaka for the camera. that's gotta be a good sign right?? really, i think i'm good. i think i've played this smart. just about another mile now, and the hardest part is done. at least i hope it's the hardest part...

i'm coming down the main drag, past the Endurance Sports hospitality house where all the friends and family are parked on the lawn and cheering with everything they can shake, rattle or roll. now it' just about 200 yards and up over a few speed bumps, so i start to sit up a little and take my feet outta my shoes. OH MAN THAT FEELS SO GOOD...

"we did it, FUCKER, we did it...but i'm so afraid to stand up..."

RACE REPORTPART 4: THE DAY I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR

2008-06-21T17:28:00.000-07:00

so from here on out, there's not a whole lotta pictures to tell "THE STORY." both Oli and i were racing, and neither of us had friends or family there for support. i felt a little sad about this, but i knew i had a whole team of peeps back home and all around the blogosphere in my corner, and that felt solid. so it's a whole lotta words now with not many pics. hope you can follow along...

race eve was pretty quiet. once the bike and bags are dropped off, there's really not mush else you can obsess about. it's done. now, i just had to lay low, relax and stay off my feet. we went down to dinner in the hotel as soon as it opened. the vibe was a little more intense than previous nights, and since i really hadn't spent much time to get to know many of the people that well, i didn't want to linger long and pick up on any of the anxiety. we went back up to the room, and the last thing i had to do was mix up my Perpetuem and put it in the freezer. we watched a little mindless tv and were off to bed by 8pm. i was amazed at how i was managing to stay so calm. i wasn't necessarily tired at 8pm, but i got in bed with my copy of Going Long and reread the chapter on race day prep and strategy. as i'm starting to read, i hear some noise coming from below my hotel window, just some guys talking and later cheering, but the acoustics make it sound as if they're sitting in my room. here we go again. just my luck. it seems as though i have the misfortune on the eve of races to be plagued with noise outside wherever i'm sleeping. whether it's my annoying neighbors who decide to throw a party the night before i'm to run a marathon or the Nascar dudes next door to us at our hotel for IMAZ, it never fails. i'm always the old hag telling people to pipe down. so i'm still reading, and i get up to take a look outside my balcony. turns out it's OUR SHUTTLE DRIVERS, and they're all listening to the radio broadcast of a fútbol game from outside the window of one shuttle. mind you, these guys have been AWESOME shuttling us from here and there all week. they're totally committed to making our week run as smoothly as possible, but be damned if you try to tell some Brasilians NOT to get excited about their fútbol!!! so i opened the door to my balcony which was enough to get their attention, and they immediately apologized and quieted down. i still felt like a grandma though. lastly, before shutting off the light i reread my LIST/SCREENPLAY. i wanted to meditate on it one last time, wanted to envision a successful race with all its highs and lows as i drifted into slumber.

surprisingly, no tossing and turning. this alarmed me though. why wasn't i worried?? why wasn't i freaking out?? great, here i was freaking out about not freaking out. all week i kept questioning whether i was respecting the distance. i mean, if i wasn't freaking out, i must not be respecting the distance right?? woke up to my alarm at 3:30am. Oli greeted me in the living room with a drowsy, knowing look on his face and a huge race morning hug. we were still half asleep, still trying to get our race morning calories in and get dressed to head down for one of the first shuttles. i had notes everywhere. notes on what no to forget out of the freezer, notes on what i was to eat now for breakfast and what i was to take with me to eat a little bit later, notes on my mental notes. the last thing i told Oli as we were heading down to the shuttle was that i knew he would finish hours before me and that if he'd given it all he planned to give, he'd for sure be heading to Kona. and if by giving it all he had to give, he had nothing left to make it back to the finish line to wait for me, i totally understood. he said no, he'd be there. i left my camera on the table for him in case he had the chance to grab a pic of me going by, but again, no pressure...

there were hardly any hotel guests in the lobby as we waited for the first of the shuttles. come on people?? i know we're on island time here, but Ironman waits for nobody!!! so we made it on the first shuttle with maybe 3 other racers. the 10 minute shuttle ride WAS.QUIET. it was still pitch black as we got off and made our way to the race entry. first up was body marking, and there was Carlos volunteering, our fellow hotel guest who'd broken his wrist earlier that week while out on a training ride. he had a beaming smile on his face!!! despite all he'd gone through, despite being this close to his first Ironman and then getting injured, he was still excited for all of us. what a stand up guy!!!! body marking was the standard affair, both arms, hands, but instead of our legs being marked with our ages, it was marked with a letter code for our age group.

now off to transition where Oli and i split up to head to our rides but agreed we'd meet at the wooden walkway to the swim start by 6:00. i hadn't covered my bike with anything the night before and it was pretty wet. every time i'd dry off the seat, it'd be wet again two minutes later. i had yet more notes for all the setup i had to do. first, attach computer to bike, then bento box, then tubes and co2, then salt stick turbo boosters, 1 gel flask of Perpetuem in the flask holder on the downtube, then tape 2 extra flasks of to top tube, then aero drink bottle to aero bottles, then fill bottle, 3 other bottles in cages with most important calories in seat tube cage, and lastly, rubberband shoes to frame. just as i was getting into the tasks, Oli comes over to check in. he tells me they're letting people have access to their race bags. SUWEEET!!! i'd have a chance to make sure my helmet was there. so i head to the changing tent area. sure enough, helmet is there as promised. except once again, the well-oiled machine does not let me go backwards through the changing tent. nope. i gotta go all the way around to the front entrance. no worries, it's still pitch black out, 45 minutes 'til i need to meet up with Oli. i'm golden, i'm calm, cool and collected. what the hell is wrong with me? why aren't i freaking out yet?? back to THE FUCKER again, everything is set to go. and as scheduled, now i gotta make a trip to the porta potty. but ya know where i gotta go?? right back where i just came from. DOH!! on my way there a guy comes up to me from behind...

"excuse me, but are you the one who just wants the tattoo??"
NO FUCKING WAY. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

i can't stop laughing. i've been spotted in Brasil. turns out it's Steve. i don't know his last name, but he's also from Team Disney and had been turned onto my blog through Wedgie's. i gotta say, no friends, no family of my own here, but what a huge compliment to come all the way to Brasil and be recognized for my blog. so Steve, if you still read this thing, you made my day, dude. SHOUT OUT TO STEVE FROM TEAM DISNEY!!! we gabbed and gabbed about Wedgie, i told him about my adventures with his teammate Ben in the Sao Paulo airport, we wished each other well, and i laughed my ass off inside to myself all the way to the shitter. got my pre-race dump handled. YESSSS!!! things are looking up. this time though, i decide to stay out of transition and go for a little warm up run, just 5 minutes down the main drag of the run course and back. traffic is now picking up and racers are filing in in droves...

back to transition and it's now time to change into the wetsuit and pack the dry clothes for drop off. i'm looking around for Oli and now i'm confused. was he coming back to my rack in transition or were we still meeting at the wooden walkway?? i thought i could just look around and find him easily, but no luck. suddenly, i'm at a loss. would i find him again before the gun went off or was this it?? oh well, couldn't worry about it now. i change into the wetsuit, put all my dry clothes in the designated bag for drop off, and grab the last of my FRS, the caffeinated Clif Bloks i'd eat just 10 minutes before go time and my Hammer Gel to tuck in my wetsuit leg for the halfway exit out of the swim. as i'm walking out of the changing tent, Oli appears and we make our way to the swim beach. we wanted to get in the water beforehand and try to read the current, but as we head in, they start calling the athletes to begin entering the swim corral. really?? we still have 30 minutes don't we?? we weren't really in long enough to feel for the current, but it felt like it was pulling opposite of how it'd been pulling all week. now we had to rush back around through the spectators to get into the corral and back to the left where we wanted to be staged. you could tell everyone had the same idea as we were all clustered to one side of a huge corral. i had been on the fence about where to start. COACH gave me a few options, and i ultimately decided to start to the front but to the far right. i felt strong enough to hold my own and take a straight line left to the buoy rather than be in front and center or in the thick of it all from the middle of the pack. what was definitely never in the cards for me was to wait at the back. i'm a strong enough swimmer, i don't get freaked by crowds and pushing and shoving, but i didn't wanna be at the front and center where it really gets gnarls. Oli had the same strategy, so we lined up together. he starts to get a little more intense now, starts sizing up the competition around us. the boys are definitely starting to get rowdy. i swear if any of them gets rough, i'm going straight for a blow to the nuts!!! 5 minutes until go time now and the crowd is getting riled up. there's a banner strip separating us from the pros who are lined up onn the other side with just a 10 yard heard start. not a very great advantage i'd say, but i guess with a pack of only 1253 participants, it's not as much of an issue. i see our Endurance Sports Travel host, Ken Glah, helping to accommodate the few athletes with disabilities including our fellow hotel guest, Amy, who's got one amputated leg. there are few other guides/volunteers helping a local Brasilian athlete who appears to be paralyzed from the waste down. it's these athletes who truly inspire me!! we really are lucky to be here and about to do this!! 1 minute to gun time now and still i'm relatively calm. i really just wanna get on with it now!!! i take one final look at Oli and he gives me the biggest hug. we'd been inseparable up until the gun, and it made all the difference for me with any anxiety i may have had. and for this i will be eternally grateful..

"well, honey. this is it!!! by tonight you'll be an Ironman!!!"

THE SWIM

the gun goes off, and it's a frenzy into the water. i look over and see Oli stumble a bit as though he misstepped, but he's now well on his way up ahead of me into the water. heading into the soup, there was no surf to contend with, so it was a series of dolphin dives right into full swim mode. my heart rate was definitely racing just as it is at the start of any race. i'm definitely in the thick of the crowd, but everyone seems to be pretty civil, no more shoving and pushing than a typical race. i start to look for a draft and i think i've found one. now it was time to get focused on my form points.

- entry is wide
- hands go steep and deep
- hips are rotating with every entry
- shoulder above elbow, elbow above wrist, wrist above hand
- keep breaths straight to the side. don't let them turn you on your back
- long distance per stroke
- sight often and adjust for current
- continue to look for draft opportunities
- only swim as fast as your form stays good

all of a sudden, i'm chuckling to myself, and next minute I'M STRAIGHT UP LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY.

holy shit. I'M SWIMMING IN AN IRONMAN RIGHT NOW!!! I'M REALLY HERE!!!

i can't stop smiling, then chuckling and then laughing. this has never happened to me in a race or any other training situation, but i'm gonna roll with it. i'm right on the feet of one guy, but i think i can find someone faster, so i try to get around him. i keep doing this from one person to the next, all the while still laughing and trying to stay focused on my form points. still though, i'm not feeling the crazy claustrophobic feeling that everyone describes with Ironman. for me, no matter what the size of the crowd, i never get the sense of any great mass of people except for the people immediately around me, and they all seemed to be pretty tame. others would later describe this swim as brutal and vicious with tales of being tugged on, shoved and kicked but nope, not here. i struggled more with my fear of the jellyfish. i could feel a few through my hands here and there, but i just kept telling myself that they weren't the stinging kind. still i wasn't seeing any huge swarms of them with my goggles in the water, so that was good.

the swim course was shaped like an "M" where we swam up to the right side to the first point of the M. then we'd swim back in diagonally to shore, exit the water, run about 50 yards on the sand and then back into the water to swim the second portion of the M. the second portion was slightly shorter than the first, so my strategy was to go out slower for the first portion, assess my pace on shore, and then pick it up for the shorter portion. there at the first point sat the biggest buoy that kinda resembled a huge, orange traffic cone. on shore the day before, it appeared as tall as a two story building for sure, and the race directors swore that these would be impossible to miss from the water, but sighting them was still kinda difficult. i guess what was missing were intermediate buoys to help keep us on course. still, i sighted often and felt on course. up to the first point of the M and now over to the left a few hundred yards to a smaller intermediate buoy where we turned left and cut diagonal sighting off of a huge Powerbar hot air balloon that stood on shore. again, no intermediate buoys and the hot air balloon didn't seem as easy to sight as it appeared on land. by this point the pack was thinning out, and it was harder to find the next draft option, so i just sat on one person's feet all the way in. still feeling strong, still feeling comfortable, still swimming with good form, so no complaints. coming closer to shore, i began to hear the announcer and crowds of spectators cheering. i skipped up outta the water and looked down at my watch to assess where i was at.

44 MINUTES AND SOME CHANGE.
SHIT

this was slower than i expected even considering that the first portion was longer than the second. i stopped to grab the Hammer Gel outta the leg of my wetsuit, suck as much of it down and wash it down with the water they had on shore. just then, outta nowhere, i hear a manic loud voice yelling at me. it was Ken Glah himself, running up to the barricade and nearly knocking it over, face all crazed and voice already sounding horse...

GO MON-I-CAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Ken Glah, race director and owner of Endurance Sports, in charge of over 500 racers and family members traveling from all over the world. i met him briefly for a minute in our hotel lobby, maybe had a two minute conversation with him, and somehow in the midst of all the race frenzy, all that neoprene, he ran up to cheer for me. ME!!! i can't tell you what a boost it was. i definitely felt a jumpstart to the second, shorter leg of the swim. i dolphined back in with a new energy. no more laughing now, there was work to be done. back to focusing on my form points and trying to sight on the buoy ahead, WAY AHEAD.

about halfway to the next buoy, people began to scatter in all directions on the course. some were still holding a straight line to the buoy, while others were drifting far right across my path, and i fell somewhere in the middle. i kept trying to concentrate on swimming hard left but to no avail. i could tell i was drifting further and further right of the buoy, yet still there were droves and droves of swimmers further right than me. by the time i came upon the distance off shore where i should be turning at the buoy, i was a good 200 yards to the right of it.

200 YARDS!!!

now turning left and trying to get back in the pack, i was swimming straight into the current. if you couldn't keep up with it, you just drifted further and further off course. i was giving it everything i had and barely making my way any closer...

FOR FUCK SAKE!! WHO KEEPS MOVING THE FRIGGIN' BUOY???!!!

it was surreal really as there was no other indication of how strong the current was. it was eerily flat, no chop, no wind even, just a killer current from below. i wasn't panicked so much as just pissed off that this was what my swim was coming to. here i was in the one event that was a no brainer, and I WAS CHOKING. now came the last left turn before heading to shore, and i was faced with a critical decision. i was still looking for a draft to get back in, but by now EVERYONE was drifting so far off course and now heading back towards the halfway Powerbar balloon!! should i follow the crowd and catch a draft but be WAY OFF COURSE or should i keep heading forward on my own in the right direction towards the swim exit?? you'd think you'd know what the obvious answer was, but this current was STUPID STRONG. in the end, i couldn't bring myself to knowingly follow the majority crowd heading in the wrong direction, so i continued towards the swim exit but now felt TOTALLY alone out there. occasionally, i'd sight around or even take a breath and look behind me. i could spot the handful of people who'd made the same decision i did. i mean THE FEW people, like 10 people. you could feel the sense of uncertainty in our decision. WE WERE ALONE OUT THERE, but i just kept on going, kept trying to focus on my form points and putting everything in my catch to move that water under me, everything in my catch to get just a few yards closer to shore. as we got closer the lifeguards scrambled to rein us all in through the final chute of smaller buoys onto shore. when my feet finally hit the sand i was so friggin' relieved. here was the event i had expected i'd be sad to see end. i've never been so happy to be outta the water EVAH.

goal swim time: 1:15-1:20
actual swim time: 1:38:17

1:38:17!!!
WTF????

heading up onto shore and towards the changing tent, i could see the droves of people still so off course coming outta the water and having to run 2 football fields to make it back to the actual swim exit. i was still second guessing my decision to stay on course. for sure i could've run up the beach faster than i could swim against that current, but what could i do now? the most prominent theme to the whole day was something COACH told me to remember no matter what:

ONCE THE EVENT IS DONE, IT'S DONE. PUT IT BEHIND YOU AND MOVE ON...

back up onto land, i peeled my wetsuit as low as i could. we came upon the wetsuit strippers, and i found myself distressed at which stripper to go to. THEY WERE ALL HAWT!!! so i just sat down in front of one of them staring in his eyes intently. with one full swoop, he rips that sucker off of me..

THANK YOU. THAT WAS SO HOT. WE CAN DO THAT AGAIN LATER WITH OTHER CLOTHES IF YOU WANT...

but i digress. i gotta get into transition and get my bike on. once again, let me state how terribly organized and efficient this race was. again, i found myself paired up with my very own volunteer who was holding my bag with the pink vinyl tape hanging from it. she walked with me into the women's changing room as i dumped EVERYTHING out of the bag. she brought me water, and offered to apply sunscreen although i politely declined (i'm sensitive to a lot of brands). quick change outta my Under Armour lycra shorts and into my bike shorts. applied MASS AMOUNTS of chammy butter, then headband, helmet, sunglasses, no socks, no gloves. the volunteer put everything back in the bag including my wetsuit, and I.WAS.OUT.

T1 time: 5:55

no goal on transition times other than to make sure i came out of the tent at some point...

RACE REPORTPART3: PRE-RACE THIS 'N THAT

2008-06-14T12:41:00.000-07:00

listen up, people. this is important shit
next up was the athletes' meeting. if i hadn't stated it already, let me say right now how incredibly organized this race was. i can't compare it to any other Ironman, but it was certainly more organized than many halves i've done in The States, perhaps because of the international profile, something like 43 countries i think. the athlete's meeting was offered in 4 different languages throughout the day and for several days before race day. for anyone who's never done an Ironman, and actually for anyone who has, i would recommend that you NOT MISS THE MEETING. you may THINK you know everything there is to know about the race, but it never hurts to review it one last time live and in person. for one, there may be last minute changes, and those would be announced at the meeting. the special needs bags may not be exactly halfway on the course where you expect. this is all up to the race directors at each individual race, and it's best that you know where it's going to be so you can plan to carry more or less with you until you expect to reach that point of the day. also, the cutoff times may be different than the standard Mdot times that we've all read about. at Brasil, the swim cutoff is 2:40 only because so many people would come out within just a minute or two and they felt the need to push it back by 10 minutes. they boasted how nobody has ever not made the swim cutoff at IM Brasil. i was expecting to swim between a 1:15 and a 1:20, so i didn't think that was gonna be a concern for me. at each race, there may be additional cutoffs within the 3 events. i recall from sitting in on the IMAZ athletes' meeting that if you hadn't made it to the far end of the 3rd loop on the bike, you could not even proceed back to t2. same thing for the run. Brasil didn't have any of this as it was a 2 loop bike and a 3 loop run. you simply had to make it all the way back to transition in the time alloted. also different from IMAZ where participants had two shots at their run special needs, as they passed it twice, we would only have access to our run special needs bag after the first and longer half marathon length loop of the run even though we would pass special needs again. this was something to consider. i had planned to put a long sleeve tech tee in my run special needs bag, but it would still be warm and light out when i passed special needs the first time, so what was the point? there was NO WAY i was gonna wrap it around my waste for a few more hours in case i needed it. that woulda just driven me crazy. at saturday's bike and bag drop off, the bike was to have nothing on it except for shoes attached to pedals if we opted to, and we would have no access to bags on race morning. ok, this was good to know. how was i supposed to store my extra bottle of Perpetuem that were supposed to go in my bike jersey if they needed to be refrigerated over night and i couldn't drop them in my bike bag in the morning?? change of plans. i now had to tape the extra two that were going in my jersey onto the bike frame on race morning and then rip them off and put them in my jersey pocket as i hopped on the bike. SO YOU SEE?????? all this stuff was made clear at the athlete's meeting, but most importantly, we learned that the Kona roll down was monday at 9am SHARP. last year, both the male and female winners were stuck in traffic and their slots went first. THEY BOTH LOST THEM. lesson learned, Ironman waits for nobody. Oliver turned to me and gave me a look so serious that i could only have one response:

"WE'LL SET 3 ALARMS."

then back to the room with all the bags of crap. i couldn't deal with them just then. i had two more days anyhow. now, it was time to ride THE FUCKER and do a final mechanical check including changing out to new tubes and brand new race tires and give the tread a bit of wear. yeah, cuz putting on new tires is SO FUN AND EASY!!! i had waited until now because my race tire was wearing unevenly in ONE SPOT due to the rim on my race wheel expanding and the brake catching in the same ONE SPOT which caused a BLOWOUT (more on that later) just a week before on a downhill during a training ride.

this time, Oli and i headed out separately to do our own checks and ride at our own intensity. i wanted to be so careful after what had happened to our fellow hotel guest, Carlos. i kept it mellow heading out to the more rural section of town where the roads were really smooth. everything felt good, and i was easily holding 18-19 mph on the flats as i passed scores of other riders and groups of riders all doing the same, but i knew i had to test the cassette on a hill, THE MOTHER SHITTER HILLS, so i headed back towards the center of town. heading up i felt nervous as i started up the first and least steep of the two hills. there was a serious crew of pro looking dudes running up the other side. they were nearly running faster than i could actually mash up on the two wheeler, and the last thing i wanted to do was UNCLIP in front of them. here i was, all the way in Brasil and still worrying about what other people were thinking!! JAYSUS!!! but sure enough, i barely beat 'em to the top. still about 150 yards up was the shorter but way steeper hill. i mashed and mashed and can't recall my cadence dropping to like 3 EVAH before, but i'll be damned if THE FUCKER and i didn't crest to the top with everything we had like it was L'Alpe D'Huez or somethin'...

YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

back to the hotel where i promptly went to inquire what mechanic Fernando's favorite beer was, and i went and bought him a six pack. that guy resurrected my FUCKER!!!

next day was a free day as our scheduled beach tour of the other side of the island was canceled due to not enough sign ups. we took it as a relief. i was becoming anxious about all THE BAGS and wanted to focus on those and THE LIST/SCREENPLAY. so instead of our beach tour, i went for my last 5 mile run, this time over the same mother shitter hills i would encounter on race day. i kept a nice clip and then forced myself to walk the steepest portions both uphill and down. right after, i got to squeeze in a pre-race "massage" just before we headed to the athlete's pasta dinner that evening. i use the word "massage" very loosely because it was, well, LOOSE. i had met the couple who were doing the massage therapy a few days prior, and i got the husband. i suppose it was somewhat my fault too because i took every opportunity to practice my Portuguese wherever i could, but maybe i shoulda kept it zipped on the table. i yapped and yapped as we discussed politics (they all LOVE OBAMA in Brasil!!!), culture, family, you name it. all the while he was kinda just grabbing at my skin and giving it a bit of a pinch, not even really getting deep enough to the muscles, and at one point i even got what i refer to as the "Jack Lalanne Chop Down" except it wasn't down my back as you would expect but instead DOWN THE FRONT OF MY THIGHS!!! WTF???? man that is not a good look for '08. nobody wants to see that shit wiggle. who's to say if it didn't do something. i suppose if i'd gotten the massage i'm used to just two days before Ironman, i'd be in a heap o' pain, so i'll just chalk it up as a $45 Portuguese lesson with extra wiggle.

next up, THE ATHLETE'S DINNER!!!

pick your flag...

let's EAT!!!
as we all began to trickle into the indoor arena where they staged the athlete's dinner, it became very clear how different this experience was going to be from a North American Ironman experience. it was similar to my experience traveling to Switzerland to compete at Worlds which was like the mini Olympics for triathlon. 43 countries represented here in Brasil. 43 COUNTRIES!!! who knew there were so many people in this world who love this crazy sport??? at my table alone sat a Brit (Oli), a gentleman from Venezuela, and a Brasilian man from Sao Paulo with his wife and son. all but Oli were doing their first Ironman. coolest part was that i spoke all their languages!! i could communicate with each one of them!!!

CARB UP!!
the food was the best we'd had up to this point. pastas galore, plenty of grilled chicken for protein, breads, and a whole boat of fruit so we could steal bananas for back at the hotel!!!!

LEAVE NO CARB BEHIND!!
this was really the last opportunity to pack in the big calories and carbs, and up until then, i'd been eating pretty Paleo and light, so these carbs were sure to stick!!! oh my god, i was SO.FULL. but not to fear. as much as i wanted to stumble out of there in a sweet food coma, there was DANCIN' TO BE DONE!!!

GET UR SAMBA ON!!!!
next up, were the Samba/Batucada performers!!! oh man, this was a sight to see. first, the Samba troop of percussionists trailed like a snake through the room calling our asses out of our chairs and gettin' us movin' to the rhythm!!! this rhythm was infectious, and the frenzy grew within the crowd!!

shake it don't break it...
next came the dancers from all corners of the room, and it wasn't just a show for the men. these women had it goin' on, and again, this country just has a way of celebrating the human body that isn't about degrading women or unleashing a repressed sexual taboo of some sort. we danced and danced, and the Samba troop lifted to a crescendo of one song that the entire room knew the words to. i wished i knew what they were singing about, but i knew that whatever it was, it was all good. what a way to celebrate, what a way to call the spirits up and inspire us for what was to come in 2 days!!!

back to our hotel for a good night's sleep. this was the night to get that good sleep as typically, Saturday night is all about tossing and turning and wondering if you still may have forgotten something. i woke up Saturday with a little more intensity. we got up and headed down to the swim start to hopefully get a swim in with the race buoys out, but alas, they were still on the beach, so we headed out in a different direction than we had before, towards this point at the end of the beach. i saw a few jellyfish here and there, but nothing too menacing, so we kept going around the point. i kept up with Oli pretty well, and it was kinda nice to be pulled a little bit, but neither of us were interested in pushing it at all on the eve of the race. we stopped before we headed back and looked up on land to discover this beautiful fortress overlooking the cove. there were what appeared to be tourists walking along the paths of the perimeters. had we not swam this way, we'd have never known about the fort. you couldn't see it from the expo village or the main beach, so we promised that after the race we'd figure out how to get to it. i wanted to get back to the room, as i still had the bags to do and then get to bike drop off.

so many bags, so little time...
again, i gotta say, don't even go into Ironman week without having your bags figured out ahead of time to some extent. and even though i did have my plan all written out, and all i had to do was fill them with what i said i wanted in each one, i still stood in front of them empty like this all stunned for about an hour. now imagine if i hadn't had a plan already?? if i didn't know what was going in each one and had to figure it out on the fly?? OH.HELL.NO. as i filled the bags, i started to visualize the race, a successful race filled with highs and lows and how i would push through the rough patches. i listened to my inspirational playlist on the ipod filled with inspiring songs i planned to sing over and over to myself all through race day. so finally, i came up with this...

i will want for nothing!!!
this, ladies and gents, is a friggin' buffet of everything i could ever want for on race day. food, sunscreen, more food, more sunscreen, chammy butters, powder drink mixes with more calories, more chammy butters, suprise sugary and caffeine treats, extra dry socks, extra co2 and tubes, extra extra etxra!!!

this part of the day was where Oli and i became a little more quiet, a little more insulated in our own plans and routines. his plan was to eat his last big meal no later than 1:00. then after that it was no more fiber and his last light meal by no later than 4:30-5:00. after that, and for breakfast the next morning, it was ALL LIQUID with Ensure. he was bummed that dinner wasn't opening at the hotel 'til 5:30, but he just rolled with it. me, i wasn't so concerned with the fiber or eating so early, and the next morning i'd be having an early breakfast of oatmeal that would have time to digest and later a banana, a croissant with jelly, and Gatorade Endurance. this guy's goal was to not have to stop and shit and go sub 10 hours. my goal was to eat enough calories to get through my first Ironman without bonking. there was no way i was gonna go all day without a shit...

Oli's last ritual meal...

"the legs" get one last shave...
next was bag and bike drop off. and even after all the printed instructions, the meetings, all the lists, all the prep, i still nearly made one big mistake. you're supposed to bring your "swim" bag empty to bag drop off. i thought we were supposed to drop it off on race morning with the "dry clothes" bag, but no, we were supposed to drop it off empty with all the other bags besides the dry clothes bag. DOH!!! luckily, the shuttle hadn't come yet, and i had time to run back up and grab it. i also pumped the tires up +10 psi from where i ultimately wanted them which would be perfect by race morning after siting Saturday in a little bit of warmth. i'd check them again the next morning, but if they felt firm to the touch, i'd leave them alone.

lining up for bag and bike drop off
again, i gotta say this was one well-oiled machine when it came to organization and communication at bike drop off. for some weird reason though, they made us wear our helmets through the entire process?? we were first sent to bike mechanical check. i don't know if i liked the idea of THE FUCKER being handled by another woman in this fashion, but what was i gonna say...

um, why are you touching my ride like that??

Oli and the aero-helmet militia

welcome to transition!!!

next, we were greeted by this cheery group, each one of whom spoke like 7 different languages. one would be paired up with each participant and personally escort them to their bike rack...

final farewell
... and here we are. me (helmet on like a dork) and THE FUCKER one last time before we do THE FULL MONTY (i look fat though. WTF???) the racks were like nothing i'd ever seen before. these wooden contraptions that snugly held the back wheel...

sweet dreams 'LIL FUCKER... tomorrow, WE RIDE!!!!
the instructions were that we were not to leave anything overnight on the bikes except for shoes if we opted to have them clipped on. i still saw a bunch of full setups with drinks mixed and everything, but i left THE FUCKER as instructed. tomorrow morning, i'd attach the bento box, my computer,the salt stick turbo boosters, co2 cartridges and tubes, all drink bottles and rubberband my shoes in place. i surveyed the aisles and where i'd be running out of the changing tent from and identified this marker along the corridor of transition to mark where i would turn...

look for Powerbar and cut left

next, off to drop off our bags. one last bonus from Oli was the pink vinyl tape he brought. we added it to the straps of each bag so that when there were a bunch of volunteers holding out a bunch of the same colored bags, we'd easily be able to identify ours from the others. they let us watch as they hung our bags on the racks and then we walked out the back of the tent through the changing areas.

let's not dilly dally in here tomorrow, k?

and there you have it. all set to go. except people were looking at me funny, and just then i caught up with another woman from my hotel who kindly pointed out that i still had my helmet on. DOH!!!! i tried to go back through but the well-oiled machine wasn't having it. i was told by one scruffy old security guard that i would have to go all the way back to the line at the front of transition which was now much longer. just then i found a volunteer who had better access. she said she'd put it in my bike bag for me. oh man, what a thing to obsess about all night. did the helmet make it?? would it be there tomorrow?? i had to just trust that it would...

i guess this is it now. no turning back...

SORRY FOR THE DELAY, KIDS

2008-06-10T21:18:00.000-07:00

my race report has sadly stalled due to the Lakers being in the NBA Championship finals and the fact that i've pretty much been under the weather since i got home a week ago. i thought i had it beat, but it came back with a vengeance today while on a shoot. i have presented with a mild fever and aches. can't really say if it's related to my travels or the fact that my immune system becomes particularly depleted after a big race. considering this was THE BIGGEST RACE OF MY LIFE (note, i didn't say hardest race), i'm not too surprised by my symptoms. it could be a combo of both factors. i found someone to sub for me for tomorrow's shoot and plan to sit right here on the couch the entire day. if the symptoms get worse, i'll definitely be heading to the doc. all that to say, sit tight, i'll be back. hopefully tomorrow i can knock out a good portion of the report for y'all to enjoy. right now, i'm tired and achy and the Lakers just beat the Celtics, so i expect to sleep relatively well tonight after a good dose of something with the letters "PM" in the product name.

RACE REPORTPART 2: BEING THERE...

2008-06-05T13:44:00.000-07:00

the view from my hotel room balcony

my first full day in Brasil, i let my body dictate when to get up which ended up being about 8am which was 4am back at home. i'd slept so much on the previous day's flights and then went to bed as soon as i got into the hotel that i honestly had no idea what time zone i was on. as i hadn't arrived to the hotel until well after dark, i was pleasantly surprised to wake up to our partial ocean view!!! just off the coast sat an island that Oli and i promised we'd swim to before the trip was over. went down and had my first Hotel Lexus breakfast that wasn't half bad. there was enough fresh fruit and protein in the form of scrambled eggs and sausage for me to stick to Paleo style eating while also ramping up the carbs for the race with the pasta options at dinner time. afterwards, Oli was off for a run and i headed up to put THE FUCKER together for our first ride around town.

after him being "not really lost", you'd think i would have inspected him as soon as i got the case at the airport, but i was exhausted. i should have suspected something when the outer green strap was just loose next to the case when he came off the last plane. upon opening the case the next morning, i quickly discovered that somewhere along the way, and from the damage i suspect somewhere early along the way, some disgruntled TSA employee undid ALL BUT TWO of the velcro and readjusting zip ties holding THE FUCKER and all three wheels tightly in place where they would not bounce around or scratch each other. so basically everything just tousled around in there all loose for over how many thousands of miles?? i don't even wanna think about it. i had also folded in and wrapped the rear derailleur with a t-shirt and taped it to the chainstay to keep it from knocking around or hitting the back of the case. um, yeah, the t-shirt was on the bottom of the case too. then i noticed the scratches, NO GAUGES, to THE FUCKER'S frame. this is heart breaking, people. all the good riding he's given me, and he gets all scratched up, like DOWN TO THE METAL IN PLACES, before we even get to race day. good thing he's silver, but i'm considering sending him to Cervelo for a touch up, and if they can't help me, i'm taking him apart and taking his frame to my buddy's body shop, getting him stripped and getting him a new stupid-cool paint job. oh, and my rear race wheel?? the all carbon one?? yeah, it's chipped. flakes of carbon where the 3 spokes meet. i figured it would be fine for the race, but now i'll have to look into whether they can do some sort of resurfacing to it. once i recovered from that devastation, i got out my tools to put everything together. first, cassette on wheel, wheels on frame, pedals, bottle cage. then i noticed that the pulleys were slightly askew and the gears were slipping a bit. and this, my friends. is just the first example of why it rocks to travel with Ken Glah and his company, Endurace Sports Travel. in addition to our awesome view, shuttles to everywhere we needed to go, breakfast and dinner buffets AND massage therapists all included in the price we paid, there were also on-site mechanics available to us in our hotel. first i wanted to ride and survey the damage and then check in at the mechanics room...

Oli's clownin'

now i've written about Oli, aka "the legs" here before. basically, the guy is a machine, but come to find out he's a machine who likes to keep it light, doesn't take himself or any of the Ironman hoopla too seriously. when we first started talking about the possibility of rooming together in Brasil back in November, i envisioned that we'd room together but that would be about it. the guy was giving it a shot at qualifying for Kona, HIS SECOND TRIP TO KONA. i was giving it a shot at just doing my first one and finishing under 17 hours. i assumed he'd be pretty intense, that i'd have to tread lightly, be pretty quiet, keep to myself, and that we'd have totally separate agendas. that's kinda how i roll anyway. in general, i don't travel very well with others, but i know him well enough from the tri club and also from working together on shoots (he's a set designer) that we'd, as Oli would put it, "get on fine." and take your minds outta the gutter, ladies, he didn't say GET IT ON, and we actually had a two bedroom apartment.

there were plenty of other fast guys that were heading out for a ride that morning from our hotel. you know the ones with all the latest all carbon gear, the aero everything, and the team kits?? i suggested to Oli that he join them. i didn't want him to get bored or feel anxious riding with the slowpoke that i am, but he said no way. he didn't wanna get caught up in a "macho ride", didn't wanna risk doing something stupid. he'd rather ride with me and keep it mellow while we dialed in our bikes. i just had to ride 30 miles, so we'd be out there for about 2 hours finding our way around town. didn't bring my camera for this ride, but it was gorgeous. slightly warm and humid, but race day called for a cooling trend. we passed huge Miami Scarface looking mansions along the final stretch of the run, went into smaller sleepy beach town neighborhoods and even past some more rural highway sections with thick jungle flora and cows tied to trees along the shoulder to graze. as we headed back to the hotel taking the run course route, we hit the MOTHER SHITTER HILLS. Hillary Biscay had warned me about them in the lobby the night before. they're short, but treacherously steep, like i dunno what grade, allegedly 25%, but stupid steep nonetheless, and of course Oli flew up them. this is where the travel damage became most apparent, and THE FUCKER'S gears just started slipping and grinding. for fear i'd break my chain, i unclipped FOR THE FIRST TIME EVAH and walked a few yards until the grade mellowed out again, then clipped back in to get to the top. back at the hotel, my savior, bike mechanic Fernando, surveyed the damage and was able to realign the derailleur and the check all the gears. he showed me with the crazy 5th grade compass looking tool just how bent it was. everybody in the hotel swore by these guys. one woman said she's had a problem for MONTHS that her LBS couldn't figure out and she took it to these guys, and in sign language (they only spoke Portuguese), was able to get them to fix the problem. they were top notch, and i definitely owed them some beers. oh, and the fast guys who took off from the hotel before us??? turns out, one of the "macho" riders ate shit on a street reflector and broke his wrist. this was supposed to be his first Ironman, and now he'd be volunteering as a body marker on race day....

from then on, we pretty much stuck together until the gun went off. I think Oli liked having an interpreter, and in turn, he kept me laughing for days which had everything to do with me keeping calm before that gun went off. the expo wouldn't open for packet pick up until the next day, but there were plenty of activities put on by Endurance Sports including a bus tour of the entire course which was INVALUABLE...

Ken Glah gives us the lowdown on the swim course.

Jurere Beach, the swim start

and a play by play of the bike and run course

Ken himself has raced IM Brasil as well as ton of foreign races, been to Kona a billion times. he's also part owner of the race, so he was able to give us a ton of insight into the course and all its little nuances. for instance, the swim, while free from surf or much chop, can have a helluva current which he would go out and survey himself on race morning and let us know which way it was pulling, and the two legs of the m-shaped course are not the same distance. the second one is shorter, so pace yourselves on the first one. he pointed out the two hills on the bike course and where the surfaces were the worst and where they were pristine. most importantly, the roads were open to traffic in one lane while another lane would be marked off for us, the inside lane of the highway. they used several thousand road cones to do this, but the cones aren't a soft rubber as we have in the states. rather, they're a hard plastic, and they shatter upon impact, so we should watch out for the shards as people have flatted from them in past years. then there was a tunnel section to the bike course. if i didn't know about this part, i'da been totally lost even though it was ultimately marked so well that you couldn't have gone wrong, but to have it explained ahead of time was priceless. there were two tunnels. we would go in the left tunnel from the inside lane then turn around to the right and come back the inside lane of the tunnel on the right, then turn around again and come back through the same tunnel on the outside land, and then turn around AGAIN and come back through the first tunnel on the outside lane. and since it was a two loop course, we would follow that crazy ass maze TWICE. here's a little diagram...

if you're not cross-eyed by now, well then you're sharper than me. i know i know. it all looks very simple here, but in a foreign country where you barely speak the language and you're looking at potentially 17 hours of continuous movement of some kind or another, it's shit like this that messes with your head.

local fisherman bring in their last net

back at our hotel that night we just chilled and took in the local vibe, watching these fisherman cast out and then bring in their nets, eating dinner and getting to know the other Hotel Lexus guests. there were several pros staying amongst us, and the hotel was small, so it really felt like a family. i spoke with Hillary Biscay quite a bit in the lobby and at meals as she coaches a friend of mine. Olaf Sabatschus was also staying there. he's won IM Brasil twice, recovered from testicular cancer AND had just won IM China just two weeks prior. also amongst us was Czech phenom, Petr Vabrousek. remember that island up top i said Oli and i wanted to swim to at one point? ONE POINT. yeah, Petr and Hillary swam to it EVERY MORNING. and it's like a 6k roundtrip. it was surreal to be amongst these great athletes, and i was shocked at how nice and accessible they were to us measly age groupers!! i mean, for the most part, triathletes are mad cool peeps, but the same as i expected with Oli going for Kona, the pros should be more intense, more insulated, less chatty and social. but again, lesson learned: if the pros can stay mellow and calm, so should i.

the next day was packet pick up. i got up early and went for a 5 mile run before breakfast. it was so pleasant to just have one measly little workout to do every day in between our other activities. the stress of life, work and figuring out how to squeeze in training was now gone. i felt an overwhelming sense of calm, and i needed to keep it going until the gun went off. when i woke up that morning, i was definitely feeling the tickle in the throat from my body reacting to new and foreign bacteria in the foods, but i had been keeping up with a regimen of acidophilus (the good bacteria) before i left and was ramping it up now that i was here in combo with echinacea. it was gonna take another day or two for the acidophilus to kick in and overcome the new bacteria. wasn't really worried about it.

Oli and i headed out together but split up by the time we hit the end of the main road in Canasvieiras. it was great to be sticking together so much, but come on dude, you know you don't wanna run 10 minute miles with me!!! he headed back towards the hotel and the hills on the run course, and i headed out away from the main drag of hotels on what looked enough like a main road that had a decent shoulder. it was a weekday, a work day, but it's low season for this sleepy beach town as May is their fall going into winter. the car traffic was light, and i passed a few road workers, a few bike commuters and a few people waiting for the early morning buses, but for the most part, it was just the sound of my footsteps and the cricket like sounds coming from the jungle flora. there's nothing better than seeing a new place on foot!!! no sense of distance, so i just went 25 minutes out and then tried to pick it up a bit for a negative split back to the hotel.

back at the room, Oli was starting to build up what we referred to as "command central", taping up maps, race week schedules, shopping lists and other race reminders to the wall just above where THE FUCKER stood.

a loaf of bread, a gallon of milk, a pound of butter....
THEN IT WAS OFF TO THE EXPO!!!! it was about a 10 minute shuttle ride to the expo, and Oli warned me that we should just go down there to pick up our packets, get the schwag shopping out of the way and then never go back there until bike drop off and race day cuz it just gets crazy and frenzied, and it would only make me more anxious. i definitely agreed with this plan...

all this for me??

...and he was SO RIGHT. there were so many things to get distracted by. i kept stopping every 10 yards to take a pic of me in front of some crazy attraction. this one in particular goes out to my girls, Kim and Kona Shelley...

i'm in Brasil Beyotches!!!

really, i had to stop EVERYWHERE!!!

Oli's turn!!!

ok, NOW MY TURN!!!

i think i was trying to put off the inevitable. i didn't wanna go into the packet pick up tent. i knew that's where i'd start to freak, but once we were done there, we could head to the beach for a swim and then just relax until the athletes meeting. a'ight, let's get this over with...

are you really who you say you are? i.d. please...

mine's the WHITE bag, yeah, uh huh, that one...

i guess THIS makes it OFFICIAL

there were SO MANY BRACELETS to wear. the first came from Iron Maiden Cindy that her students made for me before i left. next was the bracelet from Endurance Sports Travel that identified us for meals, shuttles, etc. and the honkin' bright red one was THE ATHLETE'S bracelet to be worn for access into transition, the athlete's meeting, pre-race dinner, post-race awards lunch and the AFTER PARTY. later i would learn that there were MORE BRACELETS... DOH!!!

sizin' up the swim...

we had a few hours to kill before the athlete's meeting so we went for a swim at the race start. i'd heard about the jelly fish and one blogger out there who got stung by one just before her race here a few years ago. so far, i had seen little bits of them on the beach, but no whole ones at any of my short swims in front of the hotel. one guy at our hotel said he'd seen big ones and swiped 'em with his hand but that he didn't see any tentacles on them and that they probably wouldn't sting. funny, in all my years of growing up at the beach, surfing and swimming for tri, i've never encountered jelly fish that i can think of. friends of mine have encountered swarms of them back home in SoCal and even been stung, but me, nope never. i really didn't wanna have my first encounter here...

i had forgotten my swim cap, goggles AND earplugs, so Oli and i had to take turns going in while the other one watched our crap. unlike NAS races, the sponsored swim with kayaks here did not provide for a bag check or any designated area to leave our crap. the buoys weren't the official race ones. they were randomly spaced and way further than race distance, so i just sighted off of one and went for it. just about there and i started to feel weird masses tapping at my hands and feet, but with my goggles in the water, i didn't actually see a jellyfish and certainly not a swarm of them. come on, monica, you freak out less when you see a tiny shark back at home. time to HTFU and just swim. heading back though, i ran head into another swimmer!!! DOH!!! but he was HAWT and with 3 other hawties. we both apoligized and laughed. i got to speak some Portuguese. he wished me well and said he'd look out for me on race day. mmmmmm hmmmmmmmm....

while Oli went out for his swim i actually changed into A BIKINI!!! i cannot recall when i last wore this thing. definitely not much during training months if ever. i did my best to bury my race bags and look like a local taking in the sun. of course my bikini bottoms were a dead give away that i in fact was nothing but a poser tourist. everyone, EVERY LADY OF EVERY SIZE wore far less fabric on the derrieres. it wasn't so much the butt floss i'd expected to see, but a sort of in between. you gotta love a country where the ass, any ass including my wide load, is celebrated and flaunted (more on that later). but every 5 minutes someone else from the hotel would walk past and say something. they were all just passing through to survey the swim start and looked at me like i was crazy for wasting my time laying on the beach. was i really wasting my time?? was i not respecting the distance?? i'd gotten in all my workouts that COACH had planned for me this race week. i was following my race week diet, getting to bed early, waking earlier and earlier every morning. what was wrong with a little r&r??? whatever, dude. that's how i roll. i'm gonna relax as best i can and try not to obsess about this thang. i'm sure you're freaking out enough for all of us. plus, next up was the athlete's meeting. i'd have plenty to freak out about then...

RACE REPORTPART 1: GETTING THERE...

2008-06-04T21:00:00.000-07:00

all this has to get in the case and weight less than 70 pounds
when you go as far as Brasil to do an Ironman, the race report is going to include a bit on how you got there.

i had a day to pack and be ready to leave by 5am the next morning for my 8am flight first to Miami. my final workout earlier that morning went south, REALLY SOUTH, to the point where i found myself and THE FUCKER at 3pm at Helen's Bike Shop begging Matt the mechanic to help me out. my extra tube had loosened and fallen INTO my cassette. although, i thought i'd cleaned it all out and started to ride again, turns out the rubber had ground all the way INTO the rear hub thereby jamming up the freewheel AND completely bending the derailleur. translation: i could ride fine, but if i coasted AT ALL, my chain would slip. at first Matt had a look of fear and dread on his face saying, "um, i don't know if i can fix this today.."

no no no no no no no. I'M LEAVING FOR IRONMAN IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS. IRONMAN BRAZIL!!!! the sorta good news what that at least this wasn't my race wheel, although i had intended to bring my regular wheel as a back up, but upon further inspection, Matt found the rubber in the hub, cleaned it all out spent another 20 minutes realigning my derailleur and checking all my gears. all that, AND he refused to charge me. MATT, YOU FRIGGIN' ROCK!!!

now back home, i knew i was behind in my schedule to pack. i'd accepted that if i was going to make it, i pretty much wasn't going to sleep before leaving for the airport. i still had to pack all the crap you see in the pic above and make sure it was under 70 pounds, so i weighed everything independently on my bathroom scale. i think i was close, who knows. then pack the suitcase which also had to be below 50 pounds. hmmm, 2 weeks of travel clothes AND all my race wear?? um, yeah, not so much. and just because i'm THAT paranoid, i carried all my race wear including my wetsuit and helmet with me in my carry-on. considering what was to come, i shoulda figured out how to get THE FUCKER in the seat next to me on the plane....

PRESTO!!!

i finished packing with just enough time to shower and head for the airport. i was trembling in the car, hyperventilating. my heart rate was through the roof!!! what the hell was wrong with me?? this was it i guess. no turning back now. now in the terminal and all the strange looks from people watching me lug this rolling coffin around. there was my roomy Oli way ahead in the line. i figured they would probably frown if i tried to pretend that we were checking in together, so i stood my place at the back, but the line wasn't moving AT ALL. so i made my way to the self check-in and played dumb that i had a bike case to check. finally to the front of the new line, and the woman is confused with the bike. i'm insisting that the bike is supposed to be no charge as long as it's one of my two pieces of luggage. that's what they told me on the phone, and that's a provision that the travel agent explained would be a special note on our ticket. no note, and even though they allow for bike cases as luggage, this was considered "oversized." WTF?? by bike do they mean a friggin' folding one??? so she's telling me it's gonna be $200. NO FUCKING WAY. i get on the cell with Oli who's just down the way in the terminal and i can see that he's having "issues" too. he tells me they're charging him $85. WTF AGAIN?? who comes up with this random shit?? so i tell him to send the manager down to me. she's a no nonsense black lady...

NNBL: "you doin' this bike thang too??"

me: "well it's a triathlon, but yeah, and she's telling me it's gonna be $200 but you just charged my friend $85??"

NNBL: "i know i know, he got a bike, you got a bike and y'all thank it's free, but gas ain't cheap fa nobody and they just changed the rules, but i'm gonna give y'all a deal" and she turns to the woman writing up my ticket "girrrrrrrl, we gonna have a lotta these bikes comin' through here all week, so let's just scoot 'em on out without any arguin'. 85 bucks, that's it."

then the computer jams up in the middle of printing out my ticket, and the lady tells me i'm running outta time for the luggage cutoff. i need to RUN with my suitcase to baggage screen area #2 and then SPRINT to screen area #3 for "oversized" stuff with THE FUCKER. a nice baggage handler guy comes to help me scoot along, and we get to dropping off the case. he yells out to the the screeners..

"this needs to make the 8:20 to Miami!!! CAN YOU SWING IT??"

i don't hear a word from around the corner. i'm not feeling confident, but i reluctantly hand THE FUCKER over, tip the guy 5 bucks and head to meet Oli at our gate.

Oli was knackered, hungover from three days prior!!! he said he'd had a "bit of a night out" (how very British of him) and now felt a bit fluish. what kinda training is this for a Kona contender??? finally on the first plane to Miami without much incident.

landed in Miami and that's where Oli and i would split up until we got to Sao Paulo. he booked his ticket separately from mine and had a different middle flight. his was leaving Miami and hour sooner than my flight. mine was only leaving me an hour and a half to meet up again for our final connecting flight to Floripa. i was nervous about this, and prayed that customs wouldn't tie me up too long. i've heard stories about the long-ass lines at customs in Sao Paulo. we passed another guy in the terminal carrying what i like to call the TYR "kitchen sink" transition bag, same as mine. we give the knowing "you're a triathlete too" nod. turns out he's wearin' a Team Disney hat. i ask if he knows Wedgie. of course he does!!! who doesn't know Wedgie!!! turns out we're on the next flight together in a few hours so we decide to navigate through the airport together to find food and make our way to the next terminal. first though, we gotta stop off and pick up THE FUCKER and re-check him on the next flight. yeah, don't ask. i guess with the "deal" i got from no nonsense lady, he wasn't gettin' checked all the way to Florianopolis...

so we're at the baggage claim, and we're chatting it up, talkin' about training and our teams, and soon i realize that the belt isn't moving anymore, and there's nobody from our flight left there, and nothing's come out of the "oversized" door.

SHIT.FUCK.SHIT.FUCK. SHIT.FUCK.FUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!

so off to the lost luggage claim desk. note to self: stay calm, stay cool, don't point fingers. you piss this guy off and with one click of the keyboard, THE FUCKER GOES TO TIMBUKTU. next to me some woman is FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. i look at my claims guy and laugh..

me: "boy, you must see all kinds of folks here. this has got to be the worst gig with everybody pissed off at you."

nothing from claims guy as he continues to click away on the keyboard. then i notice that he's got a name tag and he's obviously Latino, probably Cuban...

me: "¿de donde eres??" (where are you from)

claims guy: "de Cuba"

YESSS!!!!

me: "¿de quel parte?" (where in Cuba?)

claims guy: "de Matanzas"

me: "¡aaah, si! donde vives, Elian," (oh yeah, where Elian Gonzales lives)

claims guy: " ¿estas Cubana?"

me: "no, pero fui a Cuba en el año dos mil" (no, but i went to Cuba in 2000)

now depending on his politics i'm either in or he'll now send THE FUCKER to Timbuktu for sure, but it looks like it's working. he tells me it's really not lost, that i must have just missed the luggage cutoff in L.A. (what a waste of a 5 buck tip!!!). i just need to give him the hotel address and it should be delivered there about the same time i was supposed to arrive but a day later. no problem, that's why i'm getting there 5 days early, and Iron Mom Jenny had warned me that bikes would not make it along with their owners but that they work really hard to get them to you within a day. COACH had a bike on the training schedule for the next morning, but i'd just have to improvise. good thing there's still two other sports to do. but i digress. there's still two more flights to get through too....

off to Sao Paulo. 8 hours i think?? it's a super wide plan and i'm in the middle section but the flight's not full, so i end up getting an extra seat next to me to stretch out in. more people are speaking Portuguese now, and i'm trying to practice with anyone around me, but they all wanna speak English!!! the coolest part was the individual tv screen that played several different films in English with Portuguese subtitles. this is an awesome way to learn another language!!! then it's sleep time, everyone's mellowing out, and i start to hear sniffles and coughs ALL AROUND ME. oh.hell.no. time to ramp up the Emergen-C. i am not goin' out like that!!! land in Sao Paulo and we breeze through customs, no problem. i meet up with Ben and we head to the next gate, but they tell us we need to get a new boarding pass, not the one's American printed us since we're on TAM now. get to the terminal counter and the guy asks us where our luggage is. um DUH!!! it's already checked through to Floripa, our final destination. now don't get me wrong, i'm not that naive of a traveler. miss thang in L.A. said my bag was checked all the way to Floripa. i even asked her 3 times,"but what about customs when i land in Sao Paulo?? don't i have to pick them up there and go through customs??" no because you see customs is all handled here and they go all the way through. i didn't think this sounded right, but Ben said he was told the same thing. so now we have 20 minutes to go back, get our bags which may or may not still be there, if not we have to find the lost luggage office, then take them through customs and get on our last flight. i start BOOKING IT through the terminal, and Ben is hot on my trail. then things start to go screwy. i'm trying to find my bags in Portuguese. funny how when you're in crisis, all of a sudden you're fluent in a foreign language. we start running through back hall mazes, back and forth through the terminal. finally i turn back and Ben is nowhere behind me now. he's given up. he knows we're not going to make it, and he chooses to save his legs for race day. me, not so much. still running and sweating and stinking to high heaven. i tell Ben that if he keeps up with me, i promise we'll audition for The Amazing Race as the Ironman Team. but alas, i give up too and about an hour later we finally locate our bags. in the end, they bring the bags out, and we never have to walk through customs with them. go figure...

rack 'em up!! i mean, deal 'em!!
so we've missed our flight. 6 hours 'til the next one. thank god i dug Ben AND he had a deck of cards!!! we eat, we play cards, we eat more, and then i spot another triathlete. it musta been the 3 water bottles he had sticking outta all the pockets on his transition bag he was lugging. turns out it's Ben's roomy, Michael. he's shocked as shit to see us since he expected Ben to already be checked into the hotel, but nope, we were all on the same flight.

Michael and Ben and me make THREE!!!
waiting in the terminal, we meet Bertrand and Martine, a French couple who now live in New Jersey. they've done several Ironman races between them. Martine has done Brasil before, and she's excited to be back. when she finds out we're all here to do our first, she gets all excited and wells up with tears when she talks about how we're going to feel at the finish line. just then, i look out on the tarmac and low and behold, look what's sittin' on the cargo truck...

me: "THE FUCKER!!! he made it!!!"

Martinne: "excuse me, dear??"

me: "oh i'm sorry. i mean my bike made it. it was lost earlier today or yesterday or whenever. i don't really know what day it is anymore."

Martine looks at me a little awkwardly as if to say "now you, i'm not so sure about anymore..."

and now we're on our 3rd and FINAL flight. should be just over an hour now until we touch down on Florianopolis, also known as the "Magic Island."

the mother ship has landed!!!

reunited and it feels so good!!!
final touchdown. I AM HERE. THE FUCKER is here and we're all psyched to see this poster hanging in the airport.

look Ma!! we made it!!!
and so went the endurance event before the endurance event. our Endurance Sports Travel shuttles were there to pick us up, and i said my goodbyes to the boys, Bertrand and Martine as they were all staying in a different hotel. an hour later i was hugging Oli in our less than swanky 2 bedroom apartment style accommodations. i guess he freaked a little when i didn't make our flight and didn't know my status 'til he got to the hotel. i had lost most of my first day, but luckily Oli had already surveyed where the market was and where the bars were for post-race festivities. we planned that we'd sleep in until our bodies naturally wanted to wake up, and then try to go out for a ride and get the lay of the land.

going to sleep, i finally felt a sense of calm for the first time in 32 hours. this is it i guess. no turning back now...

RACE REPORTTHE PROLOGUE

2008-06-04T10:38:00.000-07:00

so the way i see it, i have until IM CDA to finish this race report. huh, that's only 18 days away. i better get crackin'. y'all know how my race reports can go!! the internet access in the Amazon was spotty, nor did i want to waste one second on the computer for fear of missing some bug, animal or storm sighting or a chance to speak Portuguese with someone. so here i am, back home in HELL-A, and still processing it all. i came back to everything i left: a dirty house, two filthy dogs, mounds of laundry and piles of mail. i haven't gotten out of my pj's since i got in them after washing away the last of the Amazon from my body two nights ago. it feels beyond lazy but beyond necessary to lounge around. i'm not really ready to talk to people yet either. maybe that's why i did this whole Ironman thang, so my occasional social retardation and self-imposed isolation could be confused with drive and focus for one single goal. i had everyone fooled real good, but what now?? alas tomorrow night is our LA Tri Club monthly first thursday social. 2 for 1 margaritas oughta bring me outta my daze!!! i came back to 300+ entries on the google reader, and i intend to catch up ON EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. i'd fallen behind before i even left. that last peak/taper phase and finalizing my travel plans just put me over the edge. it got to the point where i just wouldn't answer my cell phone because i couldn't allow someone to eat even 15 minutes of my time. in fact, i doubt many of you IM CDA peeps will read this right away, and i totally understand. work got hectic in the end as well, and it's promising to pick up now that i'm back which is a good thing since i still have to pay off my whole trip!!! i don't know what to do with myself now that i have hours and hours free from workouts, however, i'm still committed to joining our last Iron Maiden Cindy in her final training weeks before IM Germany. gotta see my girl through!!! my next race, the Strawberry Fields Oly, isn't 'til a month from now. i'm going to follow the most unstructured plan for this one. train when i feel like it, although i suspect i'll feel like it a lot. ok, ok, i'm babbling. let's get on with this. for fear of overloading your computers, i'm gonna break this down into a few posts as i go. trust me, it'll be better for all of us. and again, i don't really care what your opinion is on the matter. it's my blog for me to remember how it all went down, so just hold on...

FIRST POST-RACE WORKOUTS IN THE AMAZON

2008-06-01T12:00:00.000-07:00

upon arriving in Manaus, the capitol of Amizonas, Brasil, i left THE FUCKER behind at our driver, Kaydinho's apartment where his daughter is living and going to medical school. wow, leaving my ride behind at a perfect stranger's house in a foreign city wasn't as hard as i thought it would be. needless to say, there's been no cycling in the amazon...

swimming, well swimming has consisted of aimlessly floating around in the pools under the waterfalls and rapids of the Rio Urubu in the Presidente Figuereira region. i also rode one rapid in an innertube and walked under a waterfall cave at another. the water looks like a dirty brown but it's actually quite clear. the color actually comes from the acidity of the leaves from the trees and other flora that border the river and fill the Amazon region. it kinda looks like a dark amber ale. i'm reminded of the candy pool in willy wonka and the chocolate factory. i'm swimmin' in beer, people!!!! it's warm and inviting, and i've been doing this all in a bikini despite the looks of horror from the locals at my insane cycling shorts tan lines.

after getting in at 3am from dancing all night long at a party for a local band, i was surprised at not having a hangover at all this morning, so i decided to pull out the running shoes and actually make an attempt at a 30 minute run. it's insanely humid here today, and most of the town was still asleep from being at the same party. i headed out from my host family's house and made my way to the main promenade that runs through the town here in Itacoatiara. it's a really cute tree-lined walkway they call "the tunnel of trees" that sits in between the two-way traffic of mostly mopeds and bicycles. as i ran i got a few funny looks, a few head cranks from the guys. i could just imagine what the response would be if i had ridden THE FUCKER through town!!!

no heart rate, no time, and my hydration of choice is an actual Brasilian version of Gatorade that's flovored with acai and guarana!!! i felt pretty sluggish in the heat and humidity, but it was nice to be running again. i've had my share of beer here. apparently the lack of hangover comes from the antioxidants found in the varioius local brews. hmmmmmmm????

i've eaten all the local delicacies, piranha soup, fresh pod-like fruits i can't even pronounce straight from the trees, and roadside snacks that would make that obnoxious guy on the discovery channel cringe. it's all been incredible and nothing's killed me yet!!! i've seen a pink dolphin, a sloth, 2 baby alligators, various monkey species, vultures, toucans and a gang of fish ALL IN THE WILD.

and the people, OH THE PEOPLE HERE!!! so many different faces, so many colors of skin. and they've all adopted me. i'm passing for a Brasileira for the most part and everyone seems to understand my attempt at Portuguese. my host family, Pepper and Joana and their two daughters, Sienna and Jillian, are just incredible and have opened their home to me. as is our driver, Kaydinho, and his wife, Ediuma. they especially adopted me last night, speaking Portuguese with me when our table pretty much stuck to Eniglish and teaching me the local style of dance called FoHo. it's a little like Urban Cowboy meets Dirty Dancing. Oy!! and our boat guides on the Amazon, Prieto and Dougie showed us the time of our lives yesterday. i will hold these people deep in my heart forever.

today we've just been lazing arond the compound here. Pep and Jo and their extended family of grandparents, aunts, and cousins have made a huge feast centered around a dish called foijoada (sp?), a base of black beans with various meats, sausage and potato. the music has been blaring all day as we eat, drink, play futbol, dance and laugh our way through a torrential downpour of a sunday. the rain has stopped now, and we'll sit and enjoy the sobremesa (dessert) of pudgin (pudding or flan) that VoVo (grandma) made from scratch.

tonight, i'll sadly pack my things and be ready to leave with Kaydinho at 7am tomorrow morning for the 2 hour drive back to Manaus. we'll pick up THE FUCKER and then tothe airport where it's back on a plane to Miami and then home to HELL-A.

this trip has been amazing, a trip of a lifetime. Ironman wasn't even the half of it. i promise though, a full race report once i've settled back in.

NO WORDS

2008-05-26T13:54:00.000-07:00

i'm gonna keep this short. i have a celebration party to go to.

I AM AN IRONMAN

awesome day

SURREAL DAY

Oli raced his first sub 10:00

9:52 got him 3rd place in his age group

AND A SLOT TO KONA

13:47:37 gets you all a shit ton of t-shirts!!!

i though about ALL OF YOU out there.

race report soon.

xoxo,
-m.

THE PLAN

2008-05-23T08:37:00.000-07:00

hey y'all. hotmail hasn't worked since my first day here, so i haven't been able to receive any of your emails or comments, but i'm feelin' you all out there for sure!!! oh, and i think i got an extra day on the countdown sice it didn't compute leap year. YAY FOR LEAP YEAR!!!!

i'm having the time of my life so far. i'm keeping a journal and will hopefully post my "day to day" sometime after i'm back if anyone even cares, but i'm trying to keep the internet time down to a minimum. it's just criminal to be sitting in front of the computer with all this beauty that surrounds me.

yesterday, Oli and i hit up the expo the first day it opened for packet pick up. funny, i expected to be more anxious once i received all those friggin' bags and wristbands, but i'm staying quite calm so far. and i thought rooming with a Kona contender would require me to keep quiet and to myself and that we'd have very separate agendas. turns out, Oli's quite the card, and he continues to crack me up on a minute by minute basis!!! i think that has everything to do with me keeping my cool. plus, i think he likes having his own personal interpreter as he has managed to obliterate the Portuguese language at every opportunity!!

after packet pick up, we hit up the expo. luckily it wasn't too overwhelming with shit i wanted to buy. the official race gear is actually quite sparse. of course all the women's sized stuff is fucking pink (sorry MoMo!!!), so i passed on that, and the one cool men's long-sleeved tech tee in size small was still a tent on me. so i got outta there with one bike jersey, a hat and some stickers. after the spend fest, we headed to the swim area for race day and went for our respective dips. unlike other races where there's a bag valet in if you want to go for a swim and leave all your crap, there wasn't a hint of such a thing on the beach. just locals sun bathing and walking the shore. so we went in separately to keep an eye on our stuff. oh, and because i forgot my goggles, swim cap, and earplugs, so i had to borrow Oliver's stuff. DOH!!! as i headed in first, i realzed that this was my first swim in the Atlantic!!! i don't think i swam in Miami when i was there at fall time many many years ago. it was beautiful. its warm, super clean, a little more salty than i'm used to, and very calm in this particular bay. it's kind of like Hawaii here on the island of Santa Catarina. this side, the west shore, has virtually no surf, and the east shore is where all the legendary surf and the Brazilian pros like Niko Paderatz all come from, just like the North Shore of Oahu. so no surf on race day, but we can expect some possible chop and a good current. when we went out the other day just for a dip in front of the hotel, we got pulled down pretty far in just the few minutes we were in. so on race day, i'll have to go in early, be sure to float for a few, see where it's pulling and then compensate with where i start and what i aim fr and sight off of.

tonight i'll pack all the bags and drop them off with my bike tomorrow afternoon to the transition area. i think this is where i'll start to lose it. but to help, i wrote up a plan, THE PLAN, THE SCREENPLAY if you will. i've been kinda meditating in it every night before i go to bed. thouht i'd share it with you to help y'all start thinking your plans out. there's just so many bags and variables ya know!!! and the broser i'm using doesn't show all the blogger editing features, so i hope it's not too crazy to read. even formatted, it's pretty gnarls. but hey, it's ironman. oh, and this isn't open to comments on how you would change it up. you go do what you wanna do, i'm stickin' to my plan!!! so ok, so here goes. after this probably no more posting.....

LOVE YOU GUYS.

IM BRASIL RACE PLAN

RACE EVE
mix up various perpetuem flavors and pre-freeze in fridge

RACE MORNING

BRING IN SWIM BAG FOR BIKE
__ bento box
__ salt sticks (tape)
__ computer
__ co2
__ tubes
__ perpetuem flasks (1) goes in flask holder, (2) get taped to frame and put in jersey pocket at bike start
__ 2 carbo pro/gatorade baggies go in bento box
__ 2 luna moons go in bento box
__ large bottle of plain water
__ small bottle mixed with FRS for 20 minutes before start
__ bottles (3+ aero drink w/ straw and scrubber stopper)
__ bring 3 bottles pre mixed with carbo pro/gatorade. bring extra baggy of drink mix. poor pre-mixed into aero bottle once it's mounted. then use water to mix up empty bottle with drink mix

DROP OFF BAGS - put dry race morning clothes in "GENERAL" bag, "SWIM" bag empty, and "RUN" bag
FOR SWIM

__ sunscreen to face
__ bodyglide neck
__ sportshield neck
__ HRM - watch & chest strap
__ under armour bottoms
__ champion cycle bra
__ tri top
__ goggles (2 pair)
__ ear plugs
__ swim cap
__ full wetsuit
__ 1 hammer gel for swim exit and re-entry

SWIM STRATEGY

__ start outside especially if current is pulling as strong as it was in front of hotel. compensate sighting for current
__ stay calm after mass start. get in groove and let heart rate come down
__ continue to check in on key form points
__ hip rotation
__ long dps
__ wider arm entry
__ hand entry steep & deep
__ shoulder above elbow, elbow above wrist, wrist above hand
__ watch left hand i particular that it doesn't drop or go across body on the breathing strokes
__ breaths straight to the side. just one eye out of the water. don't let breaths turn you on your back. BE THE ALLIGATOR!!!
__ continue to look for the draft opportunity but DON'T GET PULLED!!!
__ ONLY SWIM AS FAST AS YOUR FORM STAYS GOOD!!!!

T1 - IN BIKE BAG

__ POOR EVERYTHING OUT OF BAG INSTEAD OF DIGGING FOR THINGS. HAVE IT ALL IN FRONT OF YOU TO SEE
__ DON'T LET VOLUNTEERS APPLY SUNSCREEN!!!! NAO OBRIGADA!!!
__ small absorbent towel
__ body glide inner thighs & toes
__ sunscreen (bullfrog on body, faces for face)
__ switch to bike shorts
__ chammy butter
__ no socks
__ no gloves
__ keep tri top
__ headband
__ sunglasses
__ helmet
__ cycling shoes
__ race belt with number (to back for bike)
__ 1 cheez it grips, 1 sports beans in back tri top pocket

BIKE SPECIAL NEEDS

__ 2 extra tubes
__ 2 extra co2
__ 2 more perpetuem flasks (pre frozen the night before)
__ extra salt tabs in baggy
__ chammy butter sample packs
__ 3 more drink mix baggies
__ 1 luna moons
__ 2 sports beans
__ 1 potato chips (eat right then)
__ 3 mini snickers (eat right then)

BIKE STRATEGY

__ FAVORITE PART IS DONE. PUT THE SWIM BEHIND YOU. RIDE THAT FUCKER!!!!
__ NOTHING TO EAT OR DRINK EXCEPT WATER FOR FIRST 15-20 MINUTES UNTIL HEART RATE COMES DOWN
__ STAY IN THE MOMENT
__ maintain between 85-90 RPM, heart rate in easy zone 2 on flats with higher zone 2 for hills(142-163)
__ eat on the 15's
__ drink on the 15's (1 to 2 bottles per hour depending on heat)
__ salt on the 30's
__ nice circles with pedals
__ stay aero 99% of the course
__ watch out for road conditions at all times. watch for reflectors in road, dips, chip seal on highway, ESPECIALLY THE DESCENT INTO DOWNTOWN!!!!
__ watch for other riders. watch for launching water bottles
__ check often that water bottles are secure
__ ***keep soundtrack in head***

T2 - IN RUN BAG

__ POOR EVERYTHING OUT OF BAG INSTEAD OF DIGGING FOR THINGS. HAVE IT ALL IN FRONT OF YOU TO SEE
__ DON'T LET VOLUNTEERS APPLY SUNSCREEN!!!! NAO OBRIGADA!!!
__ more sunscreen
__ keep tri top
__ dry jogbra if it's feelin' gnarls up in there
__ switch to tri bottoms
__ body glide
__ visor
__ put helmet and glasses back
__ socks
__ running shoes
__ hand bottle and carrier with luna moons
__ 1 extra cheez it grips for back of jersey
__ salt tabs in yellow rubber coin purse
__ 1 extra luna moons for back of jersey or up in visor
__ 1 sports beans to eat right away
__ switch race belt and number to front

RUN SPECIAL NEEDS

__ 1 bottle of mountain dew (de-fizzed)
__ potato chips
__ mini snickers
__ more gripz
__ more luna moons
__ more salt tabs
__ 1 dose of tylenol 8 hour
__ baby body glide
__ dry socks
__ long sleeved shirt
RUN STRATEGY

__ HARDEST PART IS DONE. PUT IT BEHIND YOU. YOU KNOW HOW TO RUN A SMART MARATHON. PACE YOURSELF TO THE MOTHER SHITTER OF A HILL AND BACK AND THEN GET.IT.DONE.BEYOTCH!!!
__ start out with 4:1 run/walk ratio for first 2-3 miles to get legs back
__ nice 10:30 to 11:30 pace at 6:1 all the way to last 10k.
__ stay in lower zone 3 (163-173)
__ no freaking out allowed if pace is slower. shit happens. KEEP MOVING!!!
__ eat 1/2 pack of luna moons on the 30's
__ salt on the 30's
__ drink when thirsty
__ take the chicken soup after 5pm!!!
__ STAY IN THE MOMENT. SHIT HAPPENS AND THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!
__ ***keep soundtrack in head***
__ in the last 10k, if you're feelin' it, if there's anything left, this is when the race begins. YOU ARE A FUCKING ROCK STAR. RUN LIKE YOU STOLE IT!!!!
__ PLAN B, if you're not feelin' it, wait 'til lst 5k, then RUN LIKE YOU BORROWED IT!!!
__ PLAN C, if you're not feelin' anything from the waist down but massive darts of pain, walk the shit outta that last 5k. YOU'RE STILL A ROCK STAR!!!

*** the soundtrack is a list of my favorite songs that keep me movin'. since i can't and would never consider wearing an ipod on race day, i keep a list of songs in my head that i sing the choruses and lyrics from over and over on race day. sometimes i'm at a loss for what's on the ipod, so i make a list and listen to it just before the race to help me think of the choruses easily. y'all will have to wait 'til my race report for the playlist.

I MADE IT THROUGH THE WILDERNESSSOMEHOW I MADE IT THROUGH....

2008-05-20T17:20:00.000-07:00

here's the math so far:

32 hours since i left L.A.
1 lost FUCKER before i got to Miami
8 mile run knocked out while running back and forth through the Sao Paolo airport trying to avoid...
1 more lost bag and...
1 missed flight
6 more hours of layover in Sao Paolo in which time
1 lost FUCKER was found and reunited on the rescheduled flight which cost me...
0 money (shout out to Luigi at TAM airways who is super fond of his year he spent abroad in Chicago)
1 happy iron virgin, who somehow through it all did not freak out or utter one curse word to anybody (maybe it's just because i don't know how to say FUCK in Portuguese)

turns out Oli brought his laptop, so i'm able to get online and write while he watches "The Magnificent 7" up in the room. and if it hadn't already set in that i'm here and about to do an Ironman, let me just be a star fucker for a second and let you in on who else is sitting with me in the lobby soakin' up the free wireless. to my left on the couch next to me sits HILLARY BISCAY. um, yeah, kind of a big deal. we've been swapping lost bike stories while she's online trying to coordiate her peeps back in the states to put another bike together and ship it to her. wow, doesn't suck to be her!!! now across from me sits perhaps the biggest deal going here this week. yep, two-time IM Brasil winner, cancer survivor and recent winner of IM China JUST TWO WEEKS AGO, OLAF SABATSCHUS. he's calm cool and collected, smiling and joining in with the banter around the lobby. so while we're not staying at the super posh hotel, we're clearly staying where the pros like to kick it, and that's cool by me.

and just one last story from before i left home. you might wanna take a second and go get the box of kleenex for this doozy:

for as long as i've been training for this thing, my moms has been non-stop with the questions. how long is it? how long will it take you?? what if you have to pee?? how do you eat?? but a few weeks ago when they aired Kona again on tv, my mom and i were driving in the car somewhere and she asks me why i chose Brasil over going to do the one in Hawaii that they show on tv. naturally i pissed myself laughing and then explained the minor little detail of qualifying that goes along with Kona. then she asks if i have a chance to qualify at Brasil. piss down the pants again, and i told her "nope. let's just say i'm not bringing my 500 bucks to Brasil." i explained that that's the code phrase when you're asking someone if they're trying to qualify for Kona, "you bringin' your 500 bucks in cash??" so cut to 3 nights ago. i'm cranky, rushed, pms'ing, and trying to just get my work done and get to sleep. she walks up to me as i'm sitting in the living room with my laptop and hands me this beautiful little envelope made out of gorgeous, deep purple, hand-made parchment. you see, my mom still has a love for the written word, hand-written letters, and collects fine stationary. she hands it to me and says "here. i want you to take this with you to Brasil because i think you owe it to yourself to be ready." i look up, still kinda agitated and confused as she puts the small envelope in my hand. i look at the writing, her perfect all caps printed writing that i've always tried to emulate since i was a kid, and there was one simple little word written on the front:

KONA

i cried, and cried, AND CRIED (coulda been the PMS a little bit too). i couldn't take it from her. i mean unless every other woman in my age group out there pretty much DIES on the course, y'all know as well as i do that i don't have a chance at qualifying. so my mom says "well then buy a bunch of t-shirts. i want you to have it." and there you have it. so now i'm pretty much as big of a deal as Hillary and Olaf sitting here with me. yep, i'm sponsored now. and that's the feeling i get from all of you with your kind words of encouragement and inspiration, like a sponsored pro with people rooting for them all the way, yet most of you don't really know me from adam. i hope not to let you all down out there. and if i don't qualify, no worries, YOU'RE ALL GETTIN' T-SHIRTS!!!!!

hope to check in again if i can.

DOWN TO THE WIRE

2008-05-18T21:25:00.000-07:00

well, peeps. here it is, my last night before i leave, and still so much to do. i envisioned this epic lat post i would write, photos, new song, the whole enchilada. and there's so much to tell you, but just not enough time left. i pretty much won't sleep before i leave for the airport at 5am. here's the basic itinerary:

monday - L.A to Miami> 6hr. layover> Miami to Sao Paulo

tuesday - arrive in Sao Paulo at 6:30am> less than 2 hours to make it to my connecting flight to Florianopolis> rest of day getting my bearings, putting THE FUCKER together, wandering near hotel, trying not to take a nap and go to sleep by early evening

wednesday - saturday - get on Brasil time> survey course> expo shop fest> last 40 miler > swim at race start> light run here and there > see some sights too

sunday - um, DUH!!! btw, i'm #805 if you have nothing to do at 3am. Brasil is 4 hours past L.A.

monday - find my legs> awards at 9am> >see some more sights> after party Brasilian Style!!

tuesday - find my head, maybe even my clothes!!!. soak up some rays> pack it up

wednesday - flight from Florianopolis to Brasilia> hope i can see some of the renowned architecture from the plane or the airport> connect to flight for Manuas, capital of Amizonas> meet up with Pepper, my host, translator, driver> check into hotel> see the famous opera house and marketplace> evening in Manaus with Pepper> eat at local churrascaria and hopefully check out something going on at Sambadromo.

thursday - see the "meeting of the waters" that form the Amazon> wait for Florida guests to arrive at airport> pick up guests> drive to Presidente Figueira national park> check into hotel> evening with Pepper and Florida guests

friday - trek at least 4 of the 7 waterfall/rapids at Pres. Figueira> lunch at rapids> depart for Itacoatiara> arrive in Ita at Pepper & Joanna's B&B right on the Amazon

saturday - all day excursion on the Amazon in hammock boat> lunch on river> paranha fishing> maybe see pink dolphins> meet local river tribes people> dinner at Pep & Joe's> evening cd release party for local band "Mureru."

sunday - what Pepper calls a "free day." hmmmmm. sounds like a big hangover fest to me!!!> BBQ at Pep & Joe's with locals, friends, and family.

monday - back to airport> Manuas to Miami> Miami to L.A.

tuesday - arrive in L.A.

and there you have it. don't know how much internet access i'll have or want, but i'll at least try to let y'all know i survived THE FULL MONTY.

lastly, there's an African proverb that goes something like this:

IF YOU WANT TO GO FAST, GO ALONE
BUT IF YOU WANT TO GO FAR, GO WITH FRIENDS

thank you, friends. to the ones who've followed along from day 1 as i set out on this crazy-ass adventure. to those i've had the fortune to meet in person. to those who faithfully comment, know that i also read what you're up to, even if i can't comment back because you don't input your email address and i'm too lazy to look it up on your blog. and even if your blog isn't linked in the list on the left yet. i read so many more than those listed, but again, just too friggin' crazed with training to update it!!! and to those who lurk, hey do me a solid why don'tcha and give a shout. i'm gonna need all the help out there i can get.

it's been real, peeps. IT'S.BEEN.SO.FIRGGIN'.REAL.

HUMP DAY HAIKU CANCELED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE

2008-05-14T05:52:00.000-07:00

we here at I JUST WANT THE TATTOO regret to report that the wednesday series, HUMP DAY HAIKU, has been canceled until further notice. with IM Brasil looming, our fearless leader is a bit frazzled. one second she's excited, the next she's indifferent, and the next she's FREAKING THE FUCK OUT, and so goes the taper phase. with that said, it's just not within her brain capacity to function in the 5-7-5 haiku format.

rest assured that there will be more posts before she departs for south of the equator, but the haiku will not be among them. in the meantime, please take a look at other features on the blog. for instance, click on the "word of the day" and learn another piece of valuable Portuguese vocabulary. and be sure to get your vote in soon on where she'll get her tattoo. as this goes to press, it's a close race between the calf and the butt cheek!!

peace out.

LEMME 'SPLAINORI BLAME MIKE REILLY FOR ALL OF THIS!!!

2008-05-09T11:45:00.000-07:00

i was recently asked "WHY BRASIL FOR YOUR FIRST IRONMAN?" and this wasn't the first time this question has come up, so i thought i'd take a second or two or million to tell you how this whole stupid idea came about in the first place. a "Declaration of Intent" if you will, or better yet, a "Declaration of Blame." i know i know. usually people write these up at the BEGINNING of training. hey, if it wasn't already clear that i do things outside the box and ass backwards, well here's your proof. so sue me...

let's go back to 2005 was it? yeah 2005. after competing in tris on my own for a few seasons, at the urging of some fellow marathoners, i joined LA Tri Club and soon after was attending my first banquet. they put these events on quarterly and bring in really awesome speakers. some have included the likes of Paula Newby-Fraser, Kate Major, Bob Roll (laughed my ass off all night) Macca (i was out of town. SO PISSED.), and Floyd Landis (very funny too considering all that he's endured). but the very first banquet i ever attended was an evening with Mike Reilly, "The Voice of Ironman." first off, i barely knew anything about Ironman other than that you had to be insane to even think about doing one let alone that there was "A Voice" to it all. turns out Mike has been announcing Ironman races all over the world for years and is the famous voice you here shouting " (insert poor, exhausted sap's name here) YOU ARE AN IRONMAN!!" he gave a great talk, had us all laughing, told us stories about some funnier moments he's witnessed, some tragic ones too, but in the end, i still thought the same thing i did when i walked into that banquet that night: YOU HAVE TO BE INSANE TO THINK ABOUT DOING AN IRONMAN.

then after Mike was done talking he had a visor that he threw into the audience. mind you, it's a banquet hall of about 200 people, and everyone starts scrapping and clawing to get to where he ultimately threw it. now i was just sittin' in my seat, minding my own happy-to-be-doing-sprints-and-olys-thank-you business when the damn visor landed in my lap along with the smashed up faces and arms of about 6 triathletes all scrambling for it. I DIDN'T EVEN WANT IT. VISORS ARE SO NOT MY STYLE!!!

then through the rest of dinner, everyone starts pressuring me.

"you gonna keep it? i'll buy it off of you. you gonna get him to sign it? you HAVE to get him to sign it"

really? cuz it's just a visor. is it really that big a deal? ok, ok, i'll get him to friggin' sign it. pipe down!!! so i walk up to Mike Reilly.

MR: "hey, you caught my visor!!'

me: "actually, it kinda just landed in my lap."

MR: "give it here. i'll sign it for ya.."

me: "sure, ok."

MR: "which Race have you done?"

me: "which race?"

MR: "yeah, which Ironman?"

me: "uh, i've never done an Ironman."

MR: "you gonna do one next year?"

me: "uh, yeah, NO. and probably not the year after that or after that either. Ironman is for insane people."

MR (kinda joking, kinda condescending in that sing song voice getting higher tone) : "well ya know you can't wear this visor until you do an Ironman..."

me (to myself): "who does this guy think he is, Santa Claus? what, i gotta sit on his lap and play naughty or nice just to get him to sign this thing?? I DON'T WEAR VISORS AND I DIDN'T EVEN WANT THE THING!!! where's that guy who said he'd pay for it? now that it's signed i bet i can get more from him. FUCK IT. IT'S GOIN' ON EBAY TOMORROW MORNING."

it all started with a stupid visor
but i didn't sell it to the guy or on ebay. instead i stuck it in a drawer along with all the other free schwag i haven't decided to either throw out or sleep in. and there it sat for another year. i'd take it out every once in a while to look at the now illegible signature (someone spilled water on it later at the banquet) that used to read "Mike Reilly 'VOICE'". and i'd say to myself "fuck that guy!!! i can wear this visor if i want" but then i'd hear his voice in my head, chiding me because i didn't give a crap about Ironman, and i'd feel like a poser for wearing anything with the mdot logo on it. so back in the drawer it would go to collect dust bunnies.

cut to the following year, 2006. i'd done my first olympic distance at the end of the previous season and got the bug to GO HALF. BUT JUST A HALF!! OH GOD NEVER A FULL. i picked a race that happened to fall on my 35th birthday and had a blast training for it and finally racing it. i was amazed at the change in my fitness level, and somewhere on the bike in the middle of the race, i caught myself saying inside, "ya know, this ain't half bad. i might, JUST MIGHT, be able to pull off THE FULL MONTY!!!!" and there ya have it.

so i went for another season of 2 HIMS in '07, but knowing i needed to decide in advance which Ironman i'd want to do in '08. now i liken picking an Ironman race to buying a house. when you buy a house, there are 3 factors involved in the choice: PRICE, SIZE, and LOCATION. when you first set out to buy a house, you have to understand that you will compromise. you will only get 2 out of the 3, so it kinda breaks down to this:

GINORMOUS HOUSE IN POSH NEIGHBORHOOD = SELL YOUR SOUL TO THE BANK AND PRAY LIKE HELL YOU DON'T FORECLOSE.

SMALL ASS HOUSE IN SEMI-POSH NEIGHBORHOOD = SOMEWHAT MANAGEABLE MORTGAGE, BUT YOU'RE GONNA NEED A STORAGE SPACE

GINORMOUS HOUSE, 2-3 HOUR DRIVE TO WORK AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY = FARELY AFFORDABLE MORTGAGE

or you could go with my dream situation:

TINY BREADBOX IN THE GHETTO, A TEAR DOWN DISGUISED AS A FIXER UPPER = THE LAST GREAT STEAL!!!

hey i love my ghetto, i love my neighbors, i can afford my mortgage, and well, there's just barely enough room for me, my two dogs and THE FUCKER. 'nuff said.

so when you set out to pick an Ironman, there will most likely by 4 factors involved, maybe 5, but you will compromise on 1 out of 3 or even 2 out of 5. for me it was: COST, HILLS, HEAT, and TIME OF YEAR. i couldn't really bend on the timing. i coach 6 months out of the year for The Aids Marathon Program, and i didn't want to give that up. my season runs from early June to first week in December when my runners complete the Honolulu Marathon. coaching pretty much eats up my Saturdays which, up until Ironman was still fine, as i could usually fit in some sort of short to medium length workout later on Saturdays and could still race on Sundays, but this would never work for THE FULL MONTY. so i started base in November during my last month of coaching when workouts weren't stupid long yet, and then it ramped up as soon as the coaching season wrapped. this had me mostly training through winter, but i'm fortunate to live in SoCal where "winter" is a relative term, and this winter proved to be mild. basically, i think i rode in some rain ONCE the entire training (sorry TEA and everyone else to the north or to the east). TIME OF YEAR=SOLVED.

next was HILLS. with cycling being my limiter and this fine, black thang pretty much weighing down the whole two-wheeled experience, i was deathly afraid of hills. so Lake Placid (sorry Kim) and Canada (sorry Rainmaker) were out. come to find out i've really improved on the bike, and i don't suck as bad as i used to. in fact i love climbing, but um yeah, not so much for the majority of the 112 mile course. Brasil is not hilly, but it ain't flat either, and it can tend to be windy, but it all sounds manageable. HILLS=SOLVED

moving onto HEAT. this is again where i could not compromise. i have learned my lesson from my marathon experiences that i just fall apart in extreme heat. so yeah, when i watched IMAZ live and in person a few weeks back, i seriously wondered if i coulda made it under those conditions. just trying to knock out a 15 mile run while everyone was out on the bike course was absolutely miserable. no no, me and the heat do not get along. so while we're in Spring and moving towards Summer here in The States, south of the equator, IT'S FALL!!! yep, IM Brasil reports temps between the mid 60's to high 70's and recommends that all participants expecting to finish after dark should pack a long sleeve top in their special needs bag. SUWEEEEET!!! only caveat could be humidity, but that's what salt is for. i'll just have to pace myself and see how it's effecting me, but i can deal with humidity easier than heat. HEAT=SOLVED

lastly we have COST, and this is where i get screwed. i have chosen to travel to another country on another continent, requiring that i arrive 1 day early for every change of time zone (4 hour difference, thanks!!), visas, vaccinations, bike cases, the whole enchilada (or whatever yummy delicacy they eat in Brasil). i will also extend my trip (more on that soon) to a destination that is CASH ONLY. but ya know what? i may only do this once (not likely), so why not go all the way?? i wanna race somewhere that i really wanna travel to and explore, and no offense, but it ain't C'oeur D'Alene , Idaho (sorry EVERYONE!!), or for god's sake, Louisville, Kentucky (sorry suckas). i mean come on. Louisville Kentucky in August?? with my heat issues, i just peed my pants laughing when they announced that new gem of a location. so ok, COST is where i'm having to bleed a little, and i'm gonna be ok with it (more on that later too).

for some, the ocean swim might have been a consideration. maybe you're afraid of sharks or you live in a landlocked region where you've never even seen the ocean before, or maybe you prefer not to start your salt intake before you get on the bike? i grew up swimming in the ocean from the time i could say FUCK (about 3 i think), so it's second nature to me. in fact i like when the surf is big on race day, cuz it gives me a chance to get ahead of you skinny bitches who will inevitably pass my ass on the bike or later the run. so yeah, big ocean, bring it on, but even that isn't the case in Brasil. the swim takes place in a calm bay, nearly no surf, but possibly a current. JEALOUS YET??

some out there might venture to say that i've picked an "easy Ironman," and to them i say BITE.ME. it's an Ironman. is there really such a thing as easy?? if it were easy, everyone would be an Ironman. i picked what works for me.

so there you have it, peeps. let's review, shall we:

IT'S THIS GUYS FAULT.

getta load o' this joker!!!

I'M DOING IT FOR A FRIGGIN' VISOR, AND I DO WEAR VISORS NOW, AND I WILL WEAR THAT STUPID AUTOGRAPHED VISOR UNTIL IT DISINTEGRATES FROM MY IRON HEAD.

THE WEATHER WILL BE RELATIVELY MILD.

THERE WILL BE LITTLE TO NO SURF AND SOME CURRENT IN THE OCEAN SWIM. NO SHARKS, BUT CORAL REEFS JUST BELOW AND POSSIBLY JELLY FISH.

IT WILL BE RELATIVELY FLAT ON THE BIKE WITH 4 SMALL HILLS, BUT POSSIBLY WINDY.

SAME ON THE RUN AS ON THE BIKE, BUT I BETTER BUNDLE UP FOR AFTER DARK.

APPARENTLY, THE AWARDS CEREMONY THE NEXT NIGHT IS OFF.THE.HOOK.

AND IF ALL GOES AS TRULY PLANNED, YOU CAN SHIP ME ALL O' MY SHIT, CUZ I AIN'T COMIN' HOME!!!! YOU PLANNIN' ON STAYIN' ON IN LOUISVILLE?? YEAH, DIN'T THINK SO...

hey, sucka. YOU.ARE.AN.IRONMAN!!! have a visor...

IRON SHITHEAD

2008-05-06T21:17:00.000-07:00

i felt a lot better today after a good night's sleep. still a little light headed and a slight funk in my throat, but i felt fine for tonight's run, so that's a good sign. but being a little stressed and a little under the funk is no excuse to be an asshole to the ones i love.

tonight on my way to drive to the bowl to knock out my 5 miler, out of the blue, my car won't start. ironically, not an hour and a half earlier, i pulled into my driveway while on the phone with my auto mechanic who i happen to be coaching to run his first marathon in June. car was running fine. no problems, and now it simply won't start. it's not a dead battery cuz i didn't hear the "click of death," but for whatever reason, it's just not kicking over. i called Fabian back, as if after shop hours he was magically going to tell me something that would magically make it start. he didn't. it didn't. he says it could be a bunch of things, but maybe the spark plugs, maybe the fuel line.

YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME. NOT NOW. I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS.

just then Iron maiden of Honor, Lesley, called. she sounded so happy as her man is in town and she wanted to know if i had any recommendations for a good seafood restaurant. i kinda snapped at her that i couldn't even think about that cuz my car wouldn't start and i needed to get a 5 mile run in. she awkwardly said, "well, call me if there's anything i can do to help." yeah, sure, like she hasn't done enough to help me just about every weekend when i've used her apartment as t1 for my brick workouts or even stayed over the weekend to do a series of long workouts and ocean swims. and yeah, i'm gonna call her in the middle of her date to come clear across town and help my with my stupid ass car. she is too good to me, and she didn't deserve my snappy tone.

it seems silly to drive somewhere just to knock out 5 miles, but my neighborhood lies on a ravine and most streets are too steep to get a nice flat run in. in the end, i plotted out a course and left from my house with a short warm up walk down to the end of the block and then across my neighborhood where i just had to do 3 loops or a few blocks to keep it flat, no big deal. came home and car still wasn't starting. ok, i'll have to deal with having it towed to the shop on my way to get my swim workout in. maybe rent a car. do what i gotta do...

then tonight after i'm showered and starting to make myself some dinner, my sister calls. i had called her earlier to say happy birthday to my niece. i can't believe she is 13. they grow up so fast!!! my sister was kinda rambling on and on about her patients and her new car and how she's working so much she's barely home, and i just had to cut her off. i adore my sister, and i admire her for busting her ass to raise my niece on her own and all the hours she spends taking care of other people's ailing family members just to take care of her own. she says she's working 100 hours a week right now!! i work AND train for Ironman, and i don't even put 100 hours in a week!!! when does she see my niece?? crazy thing is, i don't even think my sister understands what i do for a living or what a triathlon is let alone an Ironman. she never really asks about what i do, nor do i think she could really comprehend it. our realities are just that different and disconnected, and that kinda makes me sad. so i had to cut her off. i said,"listen, i really gotta go now. i need to be in bed in like an hour, and i have so much to do before then." i could tell by the tone in her voice that she was put off by my line of crap. she didn't deserve that either, but I REALLY NEED TO SLEEP.

so tomorrow, in the midst of me getting my car towed, renting a car, getting to the pool, getting to A REALLY IMPORTANT TEST SHOOT, and then back home to cycle 40 miles before i head to my evening class clear across town, i need to stop and make two phone calls, not emails, PHONE CALLS, and tell two people i love and who i know would walk to the ends of the earth for me, that I'M SORRY I WAS SUCH AN ASSHOLE. no matter that there's 17 days left. no matter that i have a shit ton of crap to still buy and pack AND still get training in. none of that gives me a free pass to treat anyone i love with anything less than the respect they deserve, and i'm counting on y'all to do me a solid and keep my ass in check...

I NO FEEL SO GOOD

2008-05-05T19:53:00.000-07:00

went for my Yellow Fever vaccination this morning. the nurse sat me down and handed me a whole pamphlet on travel concerns related to Brasil. then she tried to sell me on a slew of shots. your talkin' to the girl who doesn't even like to take aspirin and antibiotics only if my tonsils are DRIPPIN' WITH PUSS. i think we're an over medicated society. i mean RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME? are you kidding me? you bet i have restless leg syndrome. I'M A TRIATHLETE.

and then i got all the side effects like in the commercials:

MAY CAUSE VOMITING, UNCONTROLLABLE SHITS, LIMP PEE PEES, DRYMOUTH, ITCHING, REDNESS, YEAST INFECTION, NIGHT SWEATS, NIGHTMARES, HAIR LOSS, HAIR GROWTH, WEIGHT LOSS, WEIGHT GAIN, YET STILL WITH NO GUARANTEES THAT YOU DON'T GET THE NASTY DISEASE YOU'RE TRYING TO PREVENT IN THE FIRST PLACE..

ya know what? FUCK IT. i'll take the Yellow Fever. but ya know i couldn't take that risk. still, i politely declined the 5 other things she told me i needed to get, bought some fancy bug repellent, and got THE SHOT. i obsessed for a second on which arm to get it in. if i had a reaction or it made my arm sore or stiff, should it be the arm that's already afflicted with frozen shoulder thereby rendering it useless for Ironman?? or should i go with the opposite arm and hope for the best but potentially be left with two crap arms for the swim (and the bike and the run for that matter)? i went with the good arm, my right arm and i haven't experienced any of the burning or pain that she warned me about, but now i've got cottonmouth really bad, a sort of slight anaphylaxis feeling in my throat, the feeling of a sinus headache and a low grade fever. WTF??

so i guess the idea of a vaccine is that you get injected with a healthy "preview" strain of the disease you're trying to fight off thereby prepping your immune system to fight it should the full disease present itself in the future. so i got pricked with yellow fever?? so now i have a light yellow fever?? that is so fucked up...

THIS BETTER WEAR OFF BY TOMORROW. I'VE GOT A TAPER TO GET ON WITH.

WEEKEND RECAP: THE PERFECT END TO PEAK PHASE

2008-05-04T20:55:00.000-07:00

i need to clear up a little confusion. although i have Wildflower listed on the race roster over there, it hadn't totally committed to it. COACH gave me the option to either stay home and follow the final peak workout that was on the schedule - an 80 mile ride with sustained climbs saturday and a 1 mile ocean swim and 15 mile run on sunday - or i could go to Wildflower and race the bike leg of the long course relay on Saturday followed by the Olympic distance solo on Sunday. oh yeah, and in case you don't already know, there's camping involved in the middle there. now i'm all for camping, in fact camping and triathlon?? MY TWO FAVORITE PAST TIMES!!! but honestly, the only reason i entertained racing at Wildlflower was for revenge. without getting too into it, i basically got word that someone i despise to the core from my marathon days was taking up triathlon and had registered to do the Oly as her first race. i knew i could take her, in fact i knew i could WIPE HER ASS ALL OVER THAT COURSE, but is that what i should be focusing on 3 weeks out from Ironman?? um, yeah, not so much. i can just see it, eating shit on that crazy bike course and jeopardizing my big day all because i wanted to settle a score. that's ok, cuz no amount of swim, bike, and run training will help her improve in time for me not to SERVE HER ASS UP ON A SILVER PLATTER at Wildflower next year. that is, if she didn't suck ass so bad this weekend that she even wants to do another tri. but enough hating...i digress...

as y'all read in my last post, i hit the "Taper Freak Out" a little early. i'm sure there's gonna be more freak outs in the next 3 weeks, but all of a sudden , i was dreading this last weekend of long workouts. i was losing focus, losing control of my time, LOSING IT. then on top of it, the recent fires had left the air quality so bad near home that i was forced to drive west seeking long, sustained climbs. so i had to head to Malibu and the Santa Monica Mountains, what i like to affectionately call "The Hell Canyons." i was so traumatized from my first venture up there, that i hadn't been back since base training. so what better time to tackle your fears than during peak training!! once again, i picked canyons i'd never ridden before, and while there were several bail out options, i'd be damned if i took one of them!!

THE FUCKER is riding so smooth after his overhaul. i gotta give Manny, my bike mechanic, some mad props here. when i stopped into a random bike shop a few weeks back to ask for some air in the middle of a ride, the guy started shaking his head and explaining to me how the headset was pitted and i should have the bearings replaced soon. he showed me how it didn't turn free and smoothly, and explained it'd probably be a $40 repair. so i mentioned it to Manny and asked him to give me the lowdown on anything else that had to be replaced or upgraded so i could decide if i could afford it. turns out he simply cleaned out the bearings and they didn't need to be replaced. now whether the other guy at the other bike shop would have discovered the same thing or gone ahead and charged me for something i didn't know any better about whether i needed or not, well who's to say, but it's kinda like the way they trick women at the Jiffy Lube into shit they don't need when all they came in for was an oil change. here's what my dad, also a mechanic btw, taught me to say when i go there:

"listen, i just need an oil and filter change, NOTHING ELSE. i know it's your job to point out other crap my car may need, but today I JUST NEED THE OIL CHANGED, THANKS. so don't come at me with my dirty air filter cuz i know that it can just be blown out, k?? OIL CHANGE ONLY. i'm gonna go across the street and grab something to eat. when i come back, the bill should be 29.95 and i'm outta here. UNDERSTAND??"

they hate me at Jiffy Lube

but i never have to give that spiel at my bike shop. Manny hooked me up, and THE FUCKER is riding like a dream. so smooth, so easy. i really don't know what all he did, but it's almost too smooth. he's so responsive now, and he got a little speed wobbly a few times, but i think i can keep it all under control on race day.

i took the "Hell Canyons" by storm. no doubt, there's some serious climbing up there, but i just sat back, settled in and told myself i was gonna be there a while. most people passed me more so than me passing anybody else, but with every pedal stroke, i felt i was making my final significant deposit into the Bank of Ironman. and i was there A WHILE. i headed off PCH up Latigo Canyon which didn't seem as crazy as everybody makes it out to be, especially after climbing up Glendora Mountain Rd. the previous weekend. what was harder for me was getting to the top and taking Mulholland over to the next section. you get to Mulholland after a few hours of climbing and from the elevation profile, you're thinking you can relax on some flats for a bit, but it's pretty much going uphill or downhill, no flats really, and then i reached the next sustained climb up Piuma. i had half a mind to bail out and just head back down Las Virgenes to PCH, but i stuck it out and i'm soooooooo glad i did. just as i started to head into the climb, there painted on the ground from probably some previous race are three lines that read:

FORCE
DE
TOUR

it was a sign and just the ammunition i needed to get up this mother. soon came the markers for the last 5k.

ok, that's 3.1 miles left. i can spin for 3.1 miles. no problem.

i don't know what 4k equals in miles. i'll try to do the math in my head. let's see, 5 over 3 is equal to 4 over x. x equals 4 over (5 divided by 3). NO WAY!!! all that high school math was coming back to me. ok, 5 over 3 is equal to roughly 1.6. oh yeah, i knew that already. 1 mile equals 1.6k. so now 4 over 1.6. awe crap. too late...

ok, so 3 over 1.6 equals...awe crap, decimals. well, it's definitely somewhere just under 2 miles. and this distraction kept on going..

at this point, i'm all mathed out but i know that once i get just over halfway between this marker and the 1K marker i'll be 1 mile from the top. that's 4 laps around a track. one lap at a time, one pedal stroke at a time, i'll get there. suddenly the road and the view to the right opens up, and i'm looking down at the Pacific Ocean below. now all of a sudden, in some weird, masochistic way, i don't want this to end. i don't want to hit taper. is that crazy to say?? then came the MAD CRAZY descent down Las Flores Canyon. mind you, i'd mapped this all out on gmap pedometer, and although the elevation chart gives you a sort of indication of what your ascents and descents should be, nothing really prepares you for the crazy ass narrow roads you have to take to get you there. even the satellite option doesn't really indicate the feeling your gonna get when your whizzing around a tight turn and realize that if you miss this by even a few inches, YOU'RE GOING RIGHT OVER THE CLIFF. and by "whizzing" i mean like 12 mph and CLENCHING onto the breaks for dear life. i love descending, but Las Flores was just too hairball, and i'd never ridden it before, so i had no clue what was coming next. by the time i finally made it to the bottom, it wasn't my legs that were hurting, it was MY ARMS from leaning into the handlebars and clenching the brakes for dear life!!! at the bottom, i still had about 17 miles to get back to Les' place. coulda been THE FUCKER'S smooth ride, coulda been the wind at my bike or could been that i'm a cycling animal (in my head at least) but i ate that road up and made it back in record time. after 70 miles with a hella lotta climbing, i still had something left. SUCCESS!!! total time for the 80 miles was about 7 hours, total ride time, i can't remember, and i'm too lazy and too sore to go look on the bike computer, but i think average speed was something over 12mph, so considering all the climbing, i ain't mad at that. Brasil won't be half as gnarls as that ride. my nutrition was a little dicey though. my Carbo Pro didn't arrive Friday as promised so i had to rely on my Perpetuem for most of my calories and mixed in some Luna Moons just to switch up the flavor and consistency. i'm definitely including Luna Moons on the big day just to keep it diverse with flavor. as y'all who've been following along for a while may know, i have to keep the flavors exciting or that's when i'm in danger of not eating often enough.

stayed on the westside at Iron Maiden, Lesley's place as she was at Wildflower and woke up the next morning all rested but still sore and not really knowing what to expect for the day's brick. got in the water at the Venice Pier, but different from last weekend, the waves were pretty sizable and the surfers were already out in full force, so i'd have to fight a little to get out in it and mindful not to snake anybody. i just wasn't in the mood either, but oh well, had to get out there. i did snake one guy as i couldn't get out of his paddle fast enough, but i profusely apologized and he didn't seem to be too upset about. i didn't go for distance but rather time. 20 minutes out, 20 minutes back, but in an attempt to not have to come back through the surf line again, i added a few more minutes swimming out of their way and further back down the beach. exiting was tricky as i tried to wait for a set to pass before i came in. i just didn't wanna get tousled in something that would cramp my calf up. so i waited and duck dived under a few bigger waves and then made my way in. 1 mile and some change, and then off for my 15 mile run. i was kinda in a hurry too, as I HAD A BLOGGY MEET UP TO GET TO!!! more on that in a second...

started out on the run still feeling stiff from the previous day's climbing. i just didn't feel in a groove at all, but i had to trust that i would warm up and get into it. still though, by mile 5 where i most definitely find my groove by, i still wasn't in it, kinda feeling my IT band going up to my hip, but not in any real significant pain. i just need to make stretching a regular part of my nightly routine from here on out. i practiced storing my Cheeze-It Gripz pack and some Luna Moons in the elastic of my visor. it worked well which will free me up from having to wear any sort of belt on my waist at IM Brasil. i'll also carry my water bottle in it's hand carrier which will store salt caps. still though, on this run, I FELT HUNGRY. just didn't eat enough of a breakfast to sustain me after swimming first. note to self: a quick protein shake ain't gonna cut it!!!! still, i powered through and by the end i surprisingly found that i had maintained just over a 10:30 pace and an average heart rate of 148!! this was a pleasant surprise since my goal pace for Ironman is somewhere more like and 11:00-11:30 pace. when all was said and done, i just wanted to crash, but instead i downed a quick protein shake, showered and raced down to The O.C. to meet up with none other than...

WAIT

WAIT

WAIT.FOR.IT.

RECOGNIZE THIS GUY???

a 2 hour tour. A 2 HOUR TOUR...

THE KAHUNA!!!! no way, get outta town!!! i had been commenting to Greyhound on his blog about how bummed i was that i wouldn't be able to meet them all at Wildflower. low and behold, they invited me to drive down and meet them for a post-Wildflower afternoon boat cruise of Newport Harbor, also known as The Kahuna's triathlon headquarters. so there i was meeting 5 complete strangers who only knew me through the tri blog world, and ALL OF THEM IRONMEN!!

Curly Su gets a quick boat steering lesson from The Kahuna

Greyhound's turn!!!
what better way to spend the end of the peak phase than to get reassurance from these awesome tri blog peeps that i'm gonna be ok at IM Brasil. they were all so calm, so cool and collected. coulda been that 3 out of 5 of them had just done Wildflower the day before, one of the toughest Half IMs out there, and 1 out of 5 of them just had foot surgery. take a look at his footsies:

what would Iron Wil think of these feet?

or it coulda been the TEQUILA.

Taconite Boy looks a little intimidated by Kahuna's margarita skills

we should all be scared of Robo Stu's margaritas!!!
when Kahuna handed me a margarita, i turned to hand it to Curly Su only to discover that she was already holding one. oh, wait, you mean i can have a margarita?? you guys sure?? i'm 3 weeks out from Ironman ya know. to which i received a resounding,"SURE YOU CAN!!! NO WORRIES!!!!" so, i'm just gonna state for the record right here right now that if i don't make it across the line, i blame these guys!!!

me, Greyhound, Taconite Boy, Curly Su, The Kahuna, and Robo Stu.

then we went back to Kahuna's for a little game o' HORSE. let's just say, i'm sticking to triathlon dreams and not hoop dreams. but really, i can't tell you how special it was to meet these guys. they're just what they're like on their blogs, really kind and giving souls who happen to all share a love of this awesome sport. i wish for all of you that you get a chance to meet up with them some day too. next up is IM CDA for Greyhound, Cury Su, Taconite Boy, and i think maybe Robo Stu too?? and let's all wish The Kahuna a speedy recovery and some killer training for IMAZ in November!!! if all goes as planned, i'll be back there again to cheer him and many other Tri Club buddies on to victory.

AIGH'T!!! ON TO TAPER...

FORCE
DE
TOUR

FRIDAY FREE FORM

2008-05-02T18:46:00.000-07:00

22 DAYS LEFT. am i ready? i can't possibly be ready. missed my 60 miler yesterday. that's definitely gonna set me back. went for my visa today. it will be ready with 4 DAYS TO SPARE!!! vaccinations will happen monday. hope i don't have any adverse reactions. shoulda gotten them earlier, but i've been broke. now all of a sudden work is dumping on me. not enough days to get everything done. NOT ENOUGH DAYS. NOT ENOUGH SLEEP. and even when there's plenty of sleep, i'm waking up in the middle of the night with anxiety that i'm forgetting something, forgetting an errand. bike case is secured. phew. i think my shoes are broken down. too late to break in new ones. that's definitely gonna set me back. still have 9 miles to knock out tonight. tomorrow is 80 miles with long, sustained hill climbs. sunday's brick is a 1 mile ocean swim followed by a 15 mile run. and to top it all off, today i'm

HUNGOVER

stupid stupid stupid....

HUMP DAY HAIKU!! (LATE EDITION)

2008-04-30T22:58:00.001-07:00

me about 30 pounds heavier at mile 20 of NYC marathon '03

20 miles of hope
6 miles of reality
POINT 2 OF IRON

THE LISTS

2008-04-29T18:04:00.000-07:00

IN THE NEXT 25 DAYS I NEED TO

become fluent in Portuguese
FIND MY CAMERA!!!
acquire my visa for entry to Brasil
secure a bike case to rent
get a yellow fever shot and purchase malaria pills to take with me
STAY HEALTHY
continue to train at peak intensity
then a 3 week taper
then become an IRONMAN
then get THE TATTOO
- 100. all the shit i've forgotten about but will remember on the 24th day...

and a little side note about the term "IRONMAN." a lot of friends have corrected themselves and called me an IRONWOMAN, but on this one point, i'm not so much the PC Police. there's no Ironwoman logo, no Ironwoman tattoo, no Ironwoman visor, no wetsuit, no sticker, nothin'. so when i cross that line, you can straight up call me an Ironman, cuz i sure as hell will have earned the title!!! ok, next list...

THE BUCKET LIST

this is not so much a list of stuff i wanna do before i die, but rather a list of things i'd like to do but can't do because i'm training for an Ironman and can't risk getting hurt or miss training or be distracted...

i'd like to join in on my old sunday pick up soccer game again
surf again
snowboard again
go hear live music
dinner night with my homies once a week for the rest of the year!!!
i'd like to take up rowing
redo my photography portfolio to focus on athlete stories
be trained to be a guide for a blind triathlete for the C Different Foundation
i think i just might be ready for a boyfriend again
and lastly, I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANNA SEE IF I CAN HANG WITH THESE GUYS!!!!

CUZ IT AIN'T NO RACE. IT'S A HUSTLE...

oh, i'm sure there's more i'm forgetting right now. yes, i'm certain there's much much more, cuz i'm not kidding myself. Ironman isn't the answer. Ironman will not define me nor answer all of life's great mysteries. it isn't the end of the road. no, IT'S JUST THE BEGINNING...

WEEKEND RECAP

2008-04-28T08:43:00.000-07:00

got back from Denver and still had to knock out a swim and a run on my way home from the airport. then i went and got a much needed massage at Pho Siam. all this had me not getting to bed 'til about midnight, so i had two choices for my 70 miler the next morning.

1) beat the heat and ride on very little sleep

2) get my 8 hours sleep and ride through the forecasted high of 92.

i went for option #2. it sucked. it sucked balls. in training, do you ever get the feeling that you've set yourself up for disaster? yeah, that was pretty much the theme this ENTIRE WEEKEND. when i did finally get my sleep and woke up to eat breakfast and mix all my food, i discovered that i had no Carbo Pro and very little Gatorade Endurance. so i mixed what i had and brought cash with me to buy more Gatorade on the road. i quickly discovered just how much i rely on the calories in the Carbo Pro as i felt hungry the entire way. on top of that, it was hot as balls which made me repulsed to consume any Perpetuem. i mixed 3 gel flasks full of it and barely got through 1 by the time the ride was over. but i rode anyway. left from my house, rode 24 miles to the base of Mt. Baldy, then climbed the 11 miles up to get to my 70 mile turnaround point. there were quite a few cyclists coming down who'd probably started at a more civilized hour. they all looked at me like i was insane for heading up so late. as i came back down, the heat really became intense, and i really started to feel the lack of calories. i stopped at a 7-11, bought a Snickers and a Mountain Dew and stayed inside to suck up the a/c while i scarfed and gulped down my purchases. the Mountain Dew was a suggestion from COACH for my run special needs bag. this was a great opportunity to test it out what with my TOTAL NUTRITIONAL DEPLETION!! it tasted great and helped me surge through the last 13 miles!!! made it home and quickly gulped down some choco soy milk to feed the muscles and bring me back up to speed. then, since i'll be out of town on a shoot again 'til wednesday, i decided it would be a perfect opportunity to drop THE FUCKER off for his COMPLETE PRE-IRONMAN OVERHAUL. he's gonna get completely pulled apart, bottom bracket all cleaned and lubed, new cables, new headset bearings (they're pitted already), complete adjustment of the derailleurs, wheels trued, and a wash. YESSS!!!! after that it was home to have a nice dinner and get plenty of sleep for the next day's insane schedule.

i thought i'd get some relief from the heatwave by heading out west to the beach for sunday's workouts, but i knew it was gonna be a scorcher when i headed out for my 2 mile ocean swim and started to sweat balls in my wetsuit on the short walk to the water. i swam from Venice Pier south to the MDR Jetty and back. now that i've g-mapped it, it looks like it was a little short, more like 1.8 miles. conditions were pretty glassy, barely any surf, probably more calm than the lake swim at Rage the previous weekend. all that to say that there were no surfers out and no lifeguard on duty yet. not what i prefer for going out alone, but i couldn't stall, too much to still get done today. still, i didn't feel alone. there were so many people already out on the beach and walking the pier, looking at me like i was insane for going in after friday's shark attack. PULEEEZ. the water was so shallow for so far out that a great white would suffocate first before getting to take a bite outta me. i swam just outside the surf line, and could still see the sand just below me about 10 feet tops. did my 1.8 miles in about 53 minutes. NICE!!! that has me on track to do a 1:10 for 2.4 miles, but i don't expect the same glassy conditions at Ironman. throw in some more surf, some more current, and 11,199 other people stuffed in neoprene all jockeying for position, and i'm looking at more like a 1:15 to 1:20 performance. i ain't mad at that.

got out and walked a block up to Iron Maiden of Honor, Lesley's crib to change and head out for my 17 mile run. once again, i'd set myself up for disaster. i quickly discovered that i forgot my jogbra AND my hrm strap. DOH!!! Les let me borrow the biggest jogbra she had, and it was still a pretty tight squeeze, but i managed. she joined me for about the first 6 or so miles, slowing down to my pace (she's super speedy in those Newtons of hers) and a 6:1 run/walk ratio. without my hrm, i had to go by perceived rate of excursion, so it was nice having Les along. if i could keep a good conversation going with her, i figured i was in a good zone for a long, sustained run. less than a mile in, we ran into fellow LA Tri clubber and all around insane athlete, Amy Berkin. she mumbled something about having to do a build run and it being so hot, she was only keeping a 7:00 pace, and did we wanna join her. um, yeah, not so much, thanks!! i had set some Gatorade out under a bush to refill when we passed again after the first loop, but realized when we approached that i'd barely drank any of my first bottle of it!!! then off for the second loop, the longer section. Les had to get back and go to church, so i was now on my own. the heat seemed to dissipate with periodic bursts of breeze coming off the water, but it was still hot as balls and no shade to hide under. i cranked up the ipod and surged along, until i started running into everyone and their grandma out there. first, it was Yanti and Faeron, two of my Aids Marathoners that i've coached, Yanti having just completed Oceanside 70.3 a few weeks prior, and Faeron doing a 20 miler in prep for the San Diego Rock 'n Roll Marathon in june. Faeron's just gettin' started in Triathlon and has done really well at her first few races, so i'm gonna lend her one of my wetsuits for her to test out. kept on going a few more miles and then i ran into fellow Aids Marathon coach, Kathy Freud. it was great to see her too as she recently announced she wouldn't be coming back to coach this season. she's 2nd to me in seniority by only a year, so i know what a hard decision it was for her to eave, and i was glad i got to see her. turns out she's got frozen shoulder as well!! so we commiserated on that a bit, and then i remembered that not only did i have about 8 more miles to knock out, but i had to be at a wedding by 2pm!!! hug hug, kiss kiss, love ya mean it, gotta go!!!! alright, if i keep up my pace and not stop to talk to ANYONE ELSE, i think i can make it on time, but nope. sure enough, just about a mile down the way, i ran into dear old friend and stylist extraordinaire, Scott Free!! luckily, he was riding his cruiser, so i told him to ride along side of me so we could catch up. Scott began his styling career around the time i was finishing up art school and had to take a fashion class. he'd show up to the class and help style our models, secretly picking from the bunch the shooters he thought had potential and trying to test with them more. i really wasn't feeling fashion, but he used to pester me that he liked the way i shot and we should collaborate more. when i got out of school, i hired Scott to style my biggest paying job ever. we had a blast. i haven't seen him in maybe 5 years, and sure enough, first question outta his mouth was "you still shooting?? you wanna test??" now for Scott to offer that now at this stage in his career, i was flattered. i told him i'd like to switch up the focus to shoot more athletes and he flipped. " i love sports shit!! i just did a huge Adidas campaign. girl, we need to work together!!!' that felt like a great sign as lately i've put the career on hold for this Iron dream. i'm definitely brewing up some ideas to change up the photo work when i'm back from Brasil, and i've been getting little signs everywhere on how i'll pull it off.

ok, wedding, 2pm. GET.THIS.DONE.

the last 3 miles or so, i was running on a pretty empty tank and also realized i had no cash with me to even buy a Snickers or Mountain Dew or a peanut. soon i started noticing everyone on the boardwalk passing me with food and drink. one guy actually pedaled past me on a recumbent rental bike, steering it with one hand as he held a slice of pizza on a paper plate in the other. everyone, EVERYONE, had drinks in hand. i was getting so ravenous, i had half a mind to steal one right outta some kid's hands. would it be inappropriate to ask someone for a sip?? ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ENOUGH ALREADY. FINISH.THIS.BITCH.
powered through the last 2 miles basically on fumes and came in at just over 11:00 miles. right about where i hope to be for Ironman. luckily i'd thought ahead and had a big sports bottle o choco soy milk waiting in Les' fridge for me. grabbed it along with my transition bag and my now bone dry wetsuit and made a mad dash for my car.

WEDDING!!! 2pm!!!!

shit. i was cutting it really close, so i texted Simko.

"happy wedding day!!! u guys walking down the aisle right at 2pm?? i'm RACING home to shower and make it on time!!!"

simko: "yes maaaaam."

shit. shit. shit. come on mom volvo, get me home!!!! ok, i can shower in 5 minutes, oh wait, shit, my dress needs to be ironed, ok, 3 minutes to shower, wait be sure to plug in the iron to preheat before you shower, then shower, iron dress, quick makeup but not a ton, enough to cover the cycling racoon eyes, grab camera, battery, flash cards, and wedding is 10 minutes away.....

mom volvo starts to sputter...

FUUUUUUUUUUUCK ME!!! YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING!!!!!

outta gas. i can't remember when i last ran outta gas, and then next exit is blocked off by some highway workers. i can't even coast off the freeway. suddenly this has become the scene outta the movie, The Graduate, when Dustin Hoffman is trying to make it to Santa Barbara to stop his girlfriend form marrying that other guy. only i'm not hearing Simon and Garfunkel singing their catchy diddy.

Elaine!!!! Elaine!!!

(if you don't get this reference, you were probably born in the 80's and you really need to watch The Graduate)

i park the car, hazard lights on, call AAA for roadside assistance as i also get out of the car all in my post-17 mile, STANKY get up, and SPRINT down the offramp to look for a gas station.

hey, there wasn't any sprint speed work on my schedule today!!!

YESS, there's a gas station!! thanks AAA lady, i'm good, no need to send someone out. "do you have a gas can i can borrow? of course not!! a gas can is 10 bucks? and gas is 4 bucks a gallon?? this holds 2 gallons?? GOOD THING I BROUGHT A 20 spot!!!"

back up to the freeway. HAWTIE highway patrolman is now parked behind me and sessing out mom volvo. "here i am!! here i am! sorry, had to go get gas." then hawtie patrolman says he'll stay with me to make sure it starts ok, and do i need some handy wipes..

MUST.GET.TO.WEDDING.ON.TIME.

slide through the front door to discover that the housekeeper, who i haven't seen in months because i'm gone to train before she gets there, is there. YAY!!! she can iron while i shower and i think that'll make up for the gas crisis. i decided against THE LUCKY DRESS as it really wasn't appropriate for an afternoon garden wedding. went with a flowery number i last wore last summer. shit. too big in all the wrong places. no time to fix it now, nothing else clean and ready to wear. MAKE.IT.WORK.

racing, racing, bobbing and weaving through traffic to get there. i come around the corner and see maybe 15 people still walking up to the house. cool, at least if i'm late, i'm not the only one. walk in the back yard filled with empty chairs and hardly anyone had arrived yet. PHEW!!! found Yeofi who i haven't seen in about a year (listen to his angelic voice here!!! in particular, "Africa Displaced"). he'd just got back from Ghana so we shared malaria stories. i gotta take the pills with me to Brasil, but Yeof warns me that they're psychotropic and i'll have ganrly nightmares. um, yeah, no thanks!!! heart rate is now coming down and I.CAN.RELAX. here's a shot of me and the boys and the dress that wasn't quite right...

me, Yeofi, and the groom, SIMKO!!! silly Jason is peeking his head in on the left there...

i did it. another crazy weekend closer to Ironman. i pulled it all off, and still had time to capture this moment....

Sue Ann and Steven Simko

LIFE IS GOOD!!!!

off to Nashville for another shoot. full YMCA and spin class report for sure...

IN REGISTRATION NEWS...

2008-04-26T22:58:00.000-07:00

good thing i registered for IM Brasil just about 2 months ago!!! i had already decided on Brasil before last year's race even happened, but i had a shot at winning a free trip including race entry. when that didn't happen, i finally threw down the bucks. i also have to comment on what a great design aesthetic this race has. doesn't this just make it look like it's not gonna suck so bad and make you hurt or maybe even puke all over the place??? yeah, then you wake up...

and in marathon news, i wanna thank Rainmaker for reminding me that the lottery window will soon close for the NYC Marathon. it closes next wednesday in fact, so i promptly went on over and threw my name in the hat with all the other 80,000 peeps trying for a slot...

i've had a pretty good run with this lottery having run the race 3 out of the last 5 years. in fact, i really have my eyes on Chicago for this fall. i'd like to see what i can do at a fast, flat course. it's a tradition to sign up for the NYC lottery though. if i get in, i can always defer it to another year. if i don't, it can count towards the 3 strikes rule. with that said, i'd like to send my good luck lottery mojo over to both Rainmaker and Dan, who i know would also love to run this awesome race. my own little way of payin' it forward. it would be cool though if WE ALL RAN IT THE SAME YEAR!!!

LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS, GO TRI!!!!

2008-04-25T23:19:00.000-07:00

by the time i landed back in La La Land from Denver, i had about 8 missed calls and 1 text. the flight was only 3 hours. what could these people want? what set off the alarm was that 3 of them were from my mom, and 3 of them from my grandma. i went into instant panic mode...

OH NO. PAPA.

my grandpa is 89 now. in his lifetime he has survived polio as a child and later a stroke and prostate cancer. they took his driver's license away from him at least 15 years ago after he plowed into a row of parked cars near his home. this was the saddest day. being Latino and full of machismo, it was humiliating to him to have my grandma chauffeur him around town. he is constantly plagued with gout and arthritis, but this doesn't stop him from taking classes at community college and making his weekly trek on the bus to Downtown LA to light candles at Iglesia Nuestra Señora Reina de Los Angeles, the oldest Catholic church in LA. still though, i panic whenever my grandma calls. i couldn't dial my voicemail fast enough.

grandma vm #1: "honey i just saw something on the news about a shark attack. are you swimming in that ocean?? will you call me as soon as you get this?"

mom voicemail #1: "are you still in Denver? you're not in San Diego are you? can you call me as soon as you get this??

my buddy Edmund: "hey. you heard about this shark attack? Angela (his wife) called me from work and told me about it. you're not in San Diego are you? anyhow, it sounds like it was a guy triathlete swimming in a group. guess this is gonna thin out the pack for your race season and for surfing this summer too. call me."

then the text message came from fellow LA Tri Club member, "Riptide" Ray...

"shark attacked and killed triathlete this a.m. in Solana Beach. Fletcher's Cove"

my reply: "yep. it's the ocean, and sharks live in the ocean."

don't get me wrong. i am very saddened that we have lost one of ours, a triathlete, retired veterinarian, Dr. David Martin. my thoughts go out to his family members and fellow tri club members. loss of life is sad no matter what, but i'll be damned if i'm gonna buy into yet another shark frenzy.

THERE'S ALSO BEARS IN THE FOREST

THERE'S SNAKES IN THE DESERT

LIONS IN THE JUNGLE

but you know what? you're more likely to die in a car accident than be killed by anyone of these awesome creatures.

i have a 2 mile ocean swim on the schedule for sunday. mind you, i live 3 counties away from where this unfortunate incident occurred, so against my grandma's protests, i'll be in the water by 7am.

LIVE YOUR LIFE AS IF EVERY DAY IS YOUR LAST.
THAT'S ALL WE CAN DO.

ROCKY MOUNTAIN HIGH

2008-04-25T07:41:00.001-07:00

greetings, my Tri Homies. i write to you from my hotel room in lovely Downtown Denver, Colorado. been here two nights on a shoot. wednesday morning before i left, i knocked out a brick that had me thinking that COACH might be trying to kill me. it went something like this...

ride 30 miles BE1 (maintain 80 RPM and HR in zone 2 with some zone 3)

include 2 x BAN1 - 4 repeats of 2 minutes at zone 4 at 92+ RPM with rest interval of 3 minutes in zone 2 at 80RPM

run 6 miles right off the bike:
2 miles - zone 3
1 mile - zone 5
1 mile - zone 3
1 mile - zone 5
1 mile - zone 2

for the most part, save for some single run sessions of 4-6 miles of repeats, all my running has been long, slow mileage over a long duration. this would really switch the gears, and i get it that it's supposed to lift me right to a perfect peak just before Ironman. still though, i nearly hurled all over that running path. and sadly, i couldn't quite hit zone 5, but just shy of it. for one, i haven't done a week long test of my resting heart rate in quite a while, and i suspect that it may be lower now which would change my zone numbers. and for two, the zone 5 miles happened to fall on more downhill portions of my route which made it incredibly difficult to bring my heart rate up. fyi, did you know that a normal adult female resting heart rate lies somewhere between 74-78 BPM?? adult men are 71-75. i have fitness related Bradycardia (it's a good thing), so mine rests anywhere between 47-52. Lance's is 36. we make medical professionals REALLY NERVOUS!!! anyhow, i got to the upper end of zone 4 with smoke comin' outta my ass from my legs turning over so fast....but i did it.

and then i missed my flight...

there i was at LAX with ALL THE GEAR for the next morning's shoot and the lead photographer already in Denver for 3 days scouting locations. for the first time, i'd let training overtake everything else and possibly jeopardize a very expensive shoot. i felt a pit in the bottom of my stomach as the check-in kiosk read "IT IS TOO LATE TO CHECK IN BAGS FOR THIS FLIGHT. PLEASE SEE AN ATTENDANT." then the attendant told me i had to pick up the black phone to talk to a ticketing agent and see what other flight possibilities were available.

me (to myslef): "remember what your moms taught you. don't be havin' an attitude at the airport, especially when it's your fault, not theirs. KILL 'EM WITH KINDNESS"

so that's just what i did, and sure enough, Alicia from Delta airlines saved my ass. now i'd have to fly to Salt Lake City first, but i'd make it to Denver just 2 hours later than originally scheduled. of course it would cost me a cool 100 bucks. DOH!! another withdrawal from The Bank of Ironman.

finally made it to my hotel by 10:30 that night. i'd brought my swim gear, my run gear, and as much as y'all know how much i loathe even the thought of it, my spinning shoes. come to find out that the Downtown Denver YMCA doesn't have a pool, so i took it as a sort of a mid-week recovery. i crashed hard, and managed to drag my ass to a spinning class at 6:00 the next morning before our shoot started. i wanna thank Coach Liz for helping to make the distinction between a spinning class and an indoor cycling class, but it all sucks just the same to me if i'm not on my own bike. still though, i had one of my better indoor cycling experiences. no the music still sucked, including the cd continuously skipping (ever heard of an ipod?) and having to hear 2 songs from my ex boyfriend's band (they just LOVE them here in Denver). and the bikes REALLY sucked, but the instructor had just gotten back from a cycling trip in France, so she ingeniously took us on a route she rode while she was there. without a fancy video screen or any other virtual aids, she simply had a list of the names of the towns along the way and admittedly massacred the pronunciation of each and every one of them while she described the switchbacks and the rolling sections, the descents, and the smell of all the countryside herbs. no disco fest, no jumping outta the saddle and doing silly shit with our arms, and NO WOO HOOOING. we just rode through an hour and a half in a little room in Downtown Denver masqueraded as the Provencial countryside. LOVED.IT.

the shoot went super long as we traipsed all over Denver and then up into Golden for some more outdoorsy location stuff. the drive up there made me pine for my bike big time. there were cyclists everywhere!! but i had a job to do. made it back to the hotel around 8pm and politely declined the band's invitation to go for wrap party drinks. crashed out by 10:oo and got up early this morning to go back to the Y for a yoga class or should i say...

YOGAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

oh man, it's been weeks since i last hit up my regular yoga practice with Sahara, and i realized just how much i needed it. everything is super tight and wound up especially after last weekend's race. i've been too broke for extra luxuries such as massage and acupuncture, but at this stage in Iron Madness, i need to look at those not as luxuries but as necessities for basic health and maintenance. so i'm gettin' paid before i land in LA, and on my way back home from the airport, i'll hit my Y for my swim workout and then schedule a much needed massage with my savior, Nang, at Pho Siam.

this weekend brings a 75 mile long sustained hill climb ride saturday. sunday brings another brick of a 2 mile ocean swim followed by a 17 mile run. i'll need to crunch that in and rush home to shower and primp. if all goes as planned, by 2pm, i'll be seated at Simko and Sue Ann's wedding ceremony!!!

I'M WEARIN' MY LUCKY DRESS...

THE RETURN OF THE HUMP DAY HAIKU!!!

2008-04-23T06:40:00.000-07:00

hotel newspaper wrappers make for great ice bags!!!

the race is over

if you plan to walk again
don't skip the ice bath

WEEKEND RECAP: RAGE IN THE SAGE HALF IMORHOW I PISSED MYSELF (TWICE) AND LIVED TO TELL

2008-04-20T22:58:00.000-07:00

well well well. where do i start? first, let me state for the record that this race was not my first choice. i got locked outta Oceanside 70.3 as it sold out in record time. then i panicked. i could not have IM Brasil be MY FIRST TRI OF THE SEASON!!! but even in sunny SoCal and the Southwest region for that matter, there aren't that many early season HIMS to choose from. before Rage announced that they were offering a new half iron distance, i googled and could only come up with Australia, Chile, and something somewhere outside of Fort Worth, Texas that may as well have been Mars. with everything i'm spending to get to Brasil, i couldn't travel that far for a warm up race. then i searched a little bit more and almost signed up for the Napa Vintage Half. 8 hour drive, and a cheap hotel might be doable. plus, BOLDER would be there!! i was waiting to hear from a friend who had done it, and in the meantime, Rage announced their new distance. SUUWEEEET!!!! only a 4 hour drive to Vegas AND i have family to stay with there. yeah, that all sounds great until gas prices went up so friggin' sky high AND said family were leaving on vacation and had already planned to have other family stay while they were gone. but then another uncle pulled through and hooked me up at the MOST POSH HOTEL. still though, i got reamed so bad at the pump (ok, that didn't come out right) that i'd a picked anyone up off the side of the road if they were willing to throw down some bucks towards my tank (that didn't come out right either)!!!

after a 60 mile ride on thursday with 6 hill repeats of 8-10 minutes, i realized i wasn't gonna make the 2 o'clock departure time, so at that point, i had to stall and ride out the rush hour(s) of traffic, waiting until 9pm to finally hit the road. rolled into Posh Hotel at about 1:30 in the morning with no plans but to sleep in and find my way to the nearest YMCA the next morning and knock out a golf swim, then make my way to the expo when it opened at 2pm, then drive the bike course. i've come to learn that i do much better if i at least survey the bike course ahead of time, ya know, get any surprises outta the way. turns out i shoulda also surveyed the run course, but i'll get to that later...

so in my near sleep state as i was unloading my car of all tri crap at the Posh Hotel lobby, i asked the bellman if by any chance the pool was big enough to do laps in. low and behold it turns out that Posh Hotel HAD A SEPARATE LAP POOL IN THE SPA AREA. NICE!!! so i slept in 'til 10am. for the record, i cannot recall when i last slept in until this mortal hour of 10am. it was pure luxury. walked down to the pool area and here's where everyone else was hangin' out...

not a lap pool
yeah, i spent about as much time as it took to take this picture in the pool/lounge area the entire stay. still though, check out where i got to knock out my laps...

a little shy of 25 yds.
the staff said it was a 25 yard pool, but i knew that couldn't be right when it only took me about 13 strokes to get across it. they were right though. it was a 25 yard pool, but you see that posh donut hole of a sculpture that some posh architect thought would be cool to put right in the middle?? yeah, so if i swam AROUND that and through the small sliver to either side, well that's were the full 25 yards and my extra 2 strokes would be. um, yeah, i can just see it now. i scrape my face all up or, god forbid, bang the already tenuous frozen shoulder up. fuck it, 13 strokes will have to do. the peeps you see on the side there were clearly trying to have a peaceful tanning/reading sesh away from the beach blanket rave goin' on across the way, so i was very conscious to swim on the right side so as to not splash them or their laptop. but when it became abundantly clear that i was gonna be there a while, they kept mad doggin' me.

IT'S A LAP POOL. I'M DOIN' LAPS. I'M GONNA BE HERE AT LEAST AN HOUR.

DEAL.WITH.IT.

after my swim session, i went upstairs and showered and hit the Whole Foods for lunch and to stock up on all things Paleo (more on that soon) and clean carby for my pre-race breakfast and post-race pig out. then it was off to the expo...

a casino parking lot filled with crap i don't need
it was all pretty standard: i.d. and USAT card please, confirm all the info is correct, here's your goody bag, what size shirt do you want?, sorry we're out of smalls, but here's a XXXL, you can add it to your other race nightgowns, your wave starts at 6:10am, take a look at the course maps over there, get numbered over there, no you don't have to get numbered now, but do it yourself cuz we're not numbering tomorrow morning, HOLD UP A MINUTE....

6:10am

6:10AM

SONOFABITCH!!!

i don't think i've ever raced a triathlon that started so early. i'd have to survey the bike course and head straight to bed to get my 8 hours in, but ya know that didn't happen...

a finish line or a mirage??

made it out to Lake Mead where i ran into fellow LA Tri Club member, Jan Schmitt, who was racing his first HIM. we surveyed the finish area as we discussed the strategy for the hills. i told him that for the rollers, if he got a good top speed on the downhill, he could get halfway up the next roller before he'd have to start pedaling again. he thanked me, and then we went our separate ways. i headed down to look at the water.... um, yeah, maybe these pics shoulda been the first indication of the conditions to come the next day...

the transition chute sponsor banners fly horizontal

dust storm anyone??
now none of this had come as a surprise. i always check the weather leading into race week. then i start checking it hourly to see if it's changed at all. it didn't and pretty much held on with these numbers:

85 DEGREES

25 MPH WINDS

SONOFABITCH!!!

then i headed out to survey the bike course. i wanted to know every twist and turn and possible "eat-shit" dip in the road. i decided to drive it with a little attitude, so i grabbed for the ipod and put on R.L. Burnside. oh yeah, nothin' like some Mississippi Delta Juke Joint Blues to make you feel like YOU.OWN.IT.

i got a ass pocket o' whiskey
and a front pocket o' gin
if you don't open this door
i'll kick the motherfucker in...

nuff said, thanks for the inspiration, R.L.

the light was getting low and golden, so i snapped these. i wanted something to help remember the scenery since I'D BE FLYIN' BY IT THE NEXT MORNING!!!

look at the rich red soil!!

the long and winding road..

i've said it before, i'll say it again, the desert is a magical place!!!

my mom surprised me and flew in to watch me race since she can't be in Brasil. i love love love her that she did this, but in all honesty, it kinda messed with my mojo. i was getting grumpy trying to change out my wheels to my race tires, and i still needed to mix my food up for the next day, and i really wanted to be in bed by 9:00. she didn't get in from the airport 'til about 8:30 and we waited too late to eat. after dinner, i still had to lay everything out, and that kept me up 'til about 11:00 with the alarm set for 3:30. 4.5 hours would just have to be enough...

next morning i woke up with no problem, but my mom was taking her sweet time. she was still putting on makeup when i was ready to go. i told her i was leaving and she could either do her makeup in my car or stay behind and drive herself, but I.WAS. LEAVING.NOW. needless to say, she put her makeup on while we waited the 20 minutes for the race directors to open the parking lot. and don't think i'm the only punctual nerd on race day. there were at least 8 cars ahead of me. DOH!!!! i made a beeline for the transition area with my bike. didn't even take the time to put the front wheel on, just ran with the frame and put it on the first spot on the designated rack, then walked back to the car for the rest of my crap.

me 'n moms

at this point, i don't know what came over me, but i just took my sweet time, asking someone to take a pic of me and moms, chalking up the aisle for all the ladies on our rack, eating MORE breakfast, then a good luck poop, and then OH SNAP!! 10 minutes to go, i don't have my wetsuit or sunscreen on, i haven't rubberbanded my shoes to my bike OR set up my aero drink bottle. just then, Krista, aka Tri-DogMom, spotted me and came over to say hi. she was racing the Oly and her hubby, Shane, was also racing the Half. Krista, if you're reading this, I'M SO SORRY I WAS IN SUCH A RUSH AND DIDN'T GET TO TALK!!!

THE SWIM

who's cold?? i'm not cold!!

the swim was a mass start of everyone, male and female, doing the Half distance. i had taken a look at the participant roster that listed roughly 130 people doing the Half (only 20 women!), but unless about 50 people were running later than me to get to the water, it was a way smaller field than that. i ran into Krista's husband, Shane, just as i was putting on my cap and getting into the water to warm up. funny, everyone kept freaking out about how cold the water was, but i musta been used to it. the water temps were supposedly somewhere around 61 degrees, and i've been swimming in 57-59 here in the Pacific Ocean for over a month now!! the swim got off to a late start which had me bobbing in the water a little longer than i prefer, but i got a chance to chat with fellow LA Tri Clubber, Alan Morelli. the guy is so fast, insanely fast swimmer (first outta the water in 33:55.5 including t1!), and eventually placed 7th overall at age 47!! he was super calm and we talked about Brasil. he hasn't raced it, but his training partner and tri studette, Claudia Campos, has nothing but great things to say about it.

once we got going, i warmed up pretty quickly. as usual, i felt restricted in my wetsuit, like i'm getting an extra weight workout to the upper arms from the constriction of the rubber sleeves. once i got used to that, i got into a groove. my only goal in the swim was to swim as fast as my form would stay good. i kept focusing on the notes i'd gotten at my last Triathletix video session last year with Ian Murray: 1. wider entry of the arms. upon entry, i tend to slide my arms dead center down the front of my face which looks good, but it doesn't allow for a very steep and deep catch. 2. steep and deep catch. shoulder above elbow, elbow above wrist, wrist above fingers. this allows for the deepest and most successful catch through the water. 3. quicker breath to the side. i tend to take a long glide to breath, with my face turning up to the sky and almost looking behind me which then causes my left arm in particular to drop its good catch form. now i just barely lift my face out to the side with the goal of just one eye out of the water (i envision an alligator), quick deep breath, and then back to the catch arm. and lastly, i wanted to hone in my sighting skills. the buoys were bright ass orange and green, so it made it pretty easy. my goal was to not stop to breast stroke so much to sight, but to take my gaze forward on a breath and sighttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifht the buoys. if i found myself losing concentration out there, i'd just check in with all my points: wider entry, steep and deep, breathing with one eye outta the water, sight that buoy and KEEP MOVING!!! without saying what my time goal is for IM Brasil, mostly because COACH won't even have the discussion with me yet, i did have a goal time of 38 minutes for the Rage swim. came in at 40 and some change. so sue me...

THE BIKE

up to t1 and i already felt like i had to pee, yet i ran past an entire row of porta potties. i have no idea what my issue was with the porta potties, but i just didn't wanna stop, like i was racing or something!!! it wasn't a very long run to my bike, but the run to the bike mount line was at least 80 yards away and on an incline of slightly rocky asphalt. i didn't wanna wear socks for the bike, and i didn't wanna crush my calves by running uphill in my cleats, and I DIDN'T WANNA WALK, so my only option was to rinse off my feet at the rack and run barefoot with my shoes clipped onto the pedals and rubberbanded to stay in place. funny, they recently showed Andy Potts doing this on race morning during the tv coverage of the Clearwater 70.3 World Championships! i didn't pick up much debris on my feet to the mount line and i was off...

ok, let me pause for a second here and state again for the record that I LOVE MY MOM, and i was so happy to have someone there cheering just for me as that is not usually the case. i handed off my camera to her, set up up for what the lighting conditions would be most of the day, showed her how to use the pop-up flash, showed her how to zoom the lens, and asked her to try to catch as many LA Tri peeps that she could as i do at races. howevah, it was made abundantly clear that I DID NOT GET THE PHOTO GENE FROM MY MOTHER. as evidenced in this picture...

huh??

god love her, but what was she seeing here?? i know, i know, i gotta cut her some slack. i take for granted that i'm able to watch and see things occur through a lens, but my mom musta been overwhelmed with wanting to both watch the action and try to actually take pictures at the same time. so i get this picture, but what my mom was observing about her genius child at that instant was that i ran around all the cluster fuck at the mount line and didn't mount for another 10-15 yards. hey, nobody says you HAVE to mount your bike right after the line, just as long as you're past the line. same thing with coming in. if i ever get a flat in the last half mile of a race, i'm not changing the tire. if i weigh my options, the fastest i can change a tire is about 5 minutes, and under the duress of race conditions, perhaps longer, or i can run in with the bike. fuck it. i'm running it in. the rules don't say you have to have two working tires or that you have to be ON your bike when you come back to t2. you just have to come across the line WITH your bike. food for thought. ok, i digress...

my bike was set in a small gear to spin up the half mile driveway to the main highway. this gave me a chance to catch my breath and get my feet in my shoes. then up on the highway, and IT.WAS.ON. my goals on the bike were simple: maintain between 85-90 rpm, eat on the 15's, salt on the 30's and HAVE SOMETHING LEFT FOR THE RUN!!! i purposely set my computer to only display duration, heart rate, and cadence. didn't wanna even think about speed. it wasn't too hot or windy yet, so i needed to hustle before it picked up. my hamstrings felt a little tight, maybe from the cold water temps and that i didn't really get a warm up run in, so i really had to focus on spinning at 90 rpm 'til my hammies felt normal again. the rollers began, and i was havin' a blast. keepin' my cadence high and spinning the uphills and then FLYING LIKE A BAT OUTTA HELL on the downhill!!! this gave me the speed to not really have to pedal 'til about a good 3rd of the way up the next uphill. and so this continued 'til we got to the first major turn where the olympic distance peeps turned around, but we turned right and kept going. after the turn came a ginormous downhill. i pedaled 'til my cadence hit 110 and i had no more resistance in the pedals and then i just let it all fly. all i could think was, "oh my god, this is so fun, but this is gonna suck balls to have to come back up. SAVE SOME FOR THE WAY BACK, GIRL!!"

i cat and moused with one skinny bitch for a while. she would fly past me on the uphills, and i would fly past her on the downhills and the flats.

SB: "wow, ok so i guess you like to go downhill."

me: "honey, i'm a big-boned black girl. that's about all i can do on this bike. plus, you're not in my age group, so it's ok if you pass me, but see that guy up there?? he's younger than both of us, and he's burning out quick, so LET'S GO GET HIM!!!"

she laughed and then we attacked. this poor 27 year old guy was just mashing uphill, and you could tell he was pissed that he was getting chicked out on this course. i really don't like to mess with people on race day, but this musta been his first half, cuz we were way too far back in the pack for him to be mashing and huffing and puffing the way he was. he clearly didn't know howhttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif to conserve, and he'd be lucky if he had any legs left for the run. i even found myself getting too competitive with skinny bitch and had to let her pass as i slowed for my next feeding. i passed just about every aid station. didn't need anything really. i had all my Perpetuem mixed into two gel flasks, an extra pack of Luna Moons, my aero bottle and two more bottles filled with Gatorade Endurance and Carbo Pro, and another bottle filled with plain water. if i found it to be so hot that i drank more than i brought, i'd grab for the Gatorade at an aid Station, but so far i was cool. made it to the turnarouhttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifnd without incident, but i was starting to feel the wind. heading up the next significant hill climb, i realize my break was rubbing. great!! how long was it like this?? no worries, adjust it and move on.

in passing every aid station, i passed every porta potty too, and there was really no opportunity to pull over on the road and pee behind anything. it was bad enough that i was wearing my thinner tri shorts. and for the record, Coach Liz, Momo, and , you all must have HooHaas of Iron, cuz there's no friggin' way i'm wearin' my tri shorts on the bike for Ironman. nope. not gonna do it. no amount of Aquaphor or Chammy Butter is gonna help either. I NEED ALL THE PADDING!!! but for this shorter distance i thought i'd be fine in them. that's what i've worn for all the other HIMS i've done. but between the light tri shorts padding and the weight of my full bladder, i couldn't take it anymore. still though, i didn't want to stop and get off my bike and go in a porta potty. i wasn't even racing this thing. what was my problem?? next thing i know, before i can even pass the next porta potty, i musta not been paying attention to my gearing and my chain slipped. had to get off the bike anyway, but there was a large bank to the side of the road. no place to go and hide to pee. i couldn't hold it anymore. nobody coming in either direction, so i just held on to the saddle with one hand and the bullhorns with the other and squatted down to pee. i was right on the side of the road, so i couldn't even pull down my shorts. just had to let it all out down the sides of my legs and into my shoes. just then some young looking guy came by. it was a slight incline, so he wasn't flying.

young looking guy: "you alright?"

me: "yeah, just needed a pit stop"

ylg (realizing now what exactly was going on): "OOOOOOOOOH........"

so there you have it. another right of passage. i pissed myself. as gross as it was, I FELT SO MUCH BETTER!!! used my bottle of plain water to rinse everything off as best i could, and i was back in business.

made it back to the killer climb i was anticipating and low and behold, i kept a good spin going and even passed some peeps. i came up on this 52 year old lady who had passed me a few miles earlier...

me: "hey, this climb isn't so bad after all. we're gettin' up it just fine!!"

52 year old lady: "yeah, well the worst is yet to come..."

me(to myself): "way to keep it positive you old bag..."

me: "don't we turn right at the top?"

old bag: "yep, we still don't get to head home yet..."

me: "yeah, but it's only to that toll booth and then we turn around"

ob: "yeah, and then the worst is yet to come"

me: "wait, i see two people turning left heading back, and there goes another one, and there's a volunteer directing them"

ob: "can't be. the map says we're supposed to turn right to the toll booth"

me: "and there's an arrow also pointing to the left. guess they changed something about the course."

ob: " i hate when they change stuff on race day!!"

me(to myself): "i hate negative old bags.."

me: "who votes for turning left??"

sure enough there was the 27 year old guy who'd mashed to pass me way before the turn around. he was toast now and gave a big resounding "hear! hear!!" voting to go left with me. old bag followed and fell behind as did the 27 year old guy, but soon we hit the wind, and old bag passed me up one last time, never to be seen again, or so i thought...

the wind caught me good, and even though i was letting it all fly on the downhills, i curiously switched my computer to show speed for a second, and it read 16mph. my bike immediately felt like two pieces. my front end where i tried to hold a little weight and keep from blowing over and then the back end with my Hed3 race wheel which felt like a sailboat rudder switching directions all over the road. i would pick up some speed and then the wind would catch my back wheel, but if i relaxed and just went with it, it felt like the back of my bike was turned while the front was headed straight still. weird sensation, but kinda fun to navigate!!

the last incline was about 8% and the wind was still whipping pretty fiercely, but i still felt good, my nutrition felt spot on, and i just needed to chug up to the turnaround and then it would be a downhill, wind-at-my-back last two miles to t2. still heading up, there went old bag on the other side heading back down. i could care less about catching up with her. after the turn around, it was TIME TO FLY AGAIN!!! oh man, i love fast descents!!! i just tucked and wooo hoooed all the way down. just before the turn off of the highway, i started to come out and on top of my shoes. there was my mom, cheering me on as i entered the park area. i could barely look over and smile, but i was soooo happy she was still there and hoping she was taking care of herself too, hydrating and keeping her blood sugar level (she's diabetic).

INCOMING!!!

back into transition and all the other bikes were already on the rack save for one. i could care less. i wasn't racing this thing. it was a long training day, and most importantly, i wanted to get through it without incident or injury. fellow LA Tri Clubber Chris Rosien had finished the Oly and stopped to cheer me on while i racked my bike and changed into my shoes. i felt like i was last and taking forever with all the shorter distance peeps already walking their bikes to their cars...

THE RUN

again, i wished i coulda surveyed the run course before hand, but that woulda been impossible as IT WAS ALL TRAILS and not very well advertised as such. the first mile was an uphill for about a 3rd of a mile out of the beach area. just as i was about to make the turn up onto the first flat section, i could hear them announce the male winner of the Half. wow, that's lightnin' fast in these conditions. legs felt a little wobbly so i decided on a very conservative 4:1 run walk until i could get them back to a good stride. first mile clocked in at 11:15. kinda slow, but again, an uphill and that's probably about where i'll be for Ironman, so all good practice. the slower stragglers from the Oly were still heading back as well. one poor kid looked dazed and was diminished to a slow shuffle. i passed him just as we got to what i'd like to refer to from here on out as "the turn up into hell." at the aid station just before the turn, i caught up with the old bag..

ob: "hey you caught me."

me: "yeah, well i'm a runner more than a cyclist."

she took off towards the turn up into hell but i stalled with pouring water all over me to give me some cooling relief. the dazed kid was asking the volunteers if he was still on the Oly course as he had mistakenly followed the better part of the Half Iron bike course before he realized he'd gone too far. really?? think after 2 hours maybe you missed something? so we headed into hell and he drifted behind me. when i say hell, i imagine hell to be a washed out gully filled with big rocks and uneven surfaces every inch of a 2 MILE UPHILL. add to that about 4 inches of hot, red sand, and yeah, i think that's what hell probably looks like. and i ran it (sorta kinda). at this point i woulda had my legs back to a good stride, but the uneven footing and the rocks coming up through the soles of my shoes were killing me. at one point i nearly rolled my ankle trying to hop from one section to another and i had to slow it down. it just wasn't wort it to sprain my ankle a month out from Ironman. so i took it down to a 30:30 ratio all the way up hell. i watched the old bag drift further and further away as she kept turning around to see if i was attacking. go on, old bag, YOU roll YOUR ankle, but at your age, your bones will take longer to heal!!! i noticed that the mile markers no longer indicated the Oly course so i turned around and yelled to the dazed kid that he'd now also ran too far. he looked mortified. imagine coming out to do your first olympic distance tri and doing juts about a Half Ironman instead?? the fast guys were flying back down past me to the finish line. then i saw a guy from the Outlaws nearly eat it. he kinda stumbled but caught himself before he totally ate shit.

me: "yo ok??"

outlaw: "yeah, i'm fine, but this course is crazy!!"

me: "please tell me it levels out."

outlaw: "yeah it does but not for another mile and a half or so."

me: "did we sign up for Xterra by mistake?"

outlaw: "hey, i've done Xterra before. this is way worse..."

me: "greeeeeeat..."

at the top of hell was another aid station and once again, the old bag...

ob: "you caught me again!!! i saw you walking!! how'd you catch me??"

me: "for one. i'm not trying to catch you. for two, i'm a runner. i know how to pace myself. i know when to hold back and when i can turn it on."

ob: "yeah. i can't turn it on at all on these trails. if i'd a known it was gonna be trails, i'd never have signed up. these trails are miserable, just miserable..."

i start to pour more water on my head and on my top and down my back trying to avoid my shoes

ob: "you know, you oughta get some of these cooling sleeves by Orca, there the best. really, they help so much to cool you off. you should get some..."

me(to myself): "really?? now you're gonna be my mom?? SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE LADY!!!!"

at this point i had to either let her go or turn it on and get out ahead of her. i cold not stand one more minute of her complaining and bossing me around, so i chose the latter. turns out she was just the motivation i needed to find my legs again and pick it up. the trails flattened out and now we were running along a more smooth section called The Railroad Trail that was constructed to facilitate the building of Hoover Dam with gorgeous views of lake Mead below and all the sailboats out. then came the 5 tunnels, these dramatic tunnels cut into the mountainside, our only shade the whole day. at every aid station, i stopped to pour more water on me, and the bag would catch up every time all the way to the turnaround. finally i just skipped one to gain a little distance on her and also skipped my walk breaks and instead ran the majority of the way back. then i got to a tunnel and i asked a lady who was just on a leisurely hike if she'd do me a favor an look behind me to see if there was a woman in blue wearing some ridiculous white sleeves. she said no, there was nobody behind me, so i stopped and soaked up the shade of the tunnel and then picked it up again. felt strong coming back. ain't it crazy how you always feel strong when you're on the way home?? at the lsat tunnel i saw the 27 year old guy STILL ON HIS WAY OUT. i gave him a high five and told him to hang in there, that there was no more uphill (kinda sorta). and then..

oh man, i gotta pee again. i cannot stop for the porta potties and let the old bag catch up with me. there's just 4 miles left. i think i can hold it...

i run a few more yards..

dammit, i can't hold it. so i looked for the largest sage bush i could find and just squatted down and let it all go. again, no time to let my shorts down. it just went all down my leg. at the next aid station i took about 10 cups of water and poured it all down my nether regions. it felt awkwardly good, and i was ready to make the turn back down into hell. this time going downhill felt easier, but i still took it easy, not wanting to fall or roll an ankle. at the bottom the volunteer kids were asking ME how many people were out on the course. maybe 10 or 12 i thought.

coming up on the last big hill before the finish, i caught up with Jan Schmitt, and he wasn't doing too good. i'd come out of the water before him but then he passed me at about mile 30 on the bike. he's fit and fast, so i thought that'd be the last time i'd see him. this was his first half, a brutal one for your first i thought.

Jan: "than you so much for your advice on how to tackle the hills on the bike. it really helped me, but it was still a very tough day today!!! i've been talking to myself for the last mile, and i'm kind of out of it. in fact, i think you might not be real. i might be dreaming..."

me: "no, Jan, i'm real. i'm here, and it is definitely a tough day. in fact, i'll walk up this last hill with you. hey look, there's the mile 11 sign!!! 2 miles left. we know how to run 2 miles don't we??"

Jan: "we sure do. you're my angel!!"

at the top of the last incline we reached another aid station where yet another woman asked ME how many people were still out on the course. with 2 hours still to go 'til the cutoff and nobody heading outbound on the course, it was a little disconcerting to have so many volunteers express their impatience while i was trying to finish a race. hey, it's a long day out there for me AND you, so HTFU and hang on 'til the end. you got plenty of water and snacks here. what's your damage??

i said farewell to Jan, told him to pour some water on himself to cool off and then took off for the last 2 miles. still no sign of the old bag. maybe she got sucked up by her Orca cooling sleeves??? the last two miles i felt strong, had a nice turnover going, and was READY TO BE DONE!!!! i looked back one last time and saw Jan behind me and the old bag gaining on him. i motioned with my arm to "come on and let's finish this!!!" there was my mom with the camera waiting at the line. the announcer said i looked strong and there was plenty of food still here for me. take a look at my expression when he said "food"...

did you say FOOD??

the final stretch!!!

crossed the line, grabbed for a water and a slice of pizza and then turned around to watch Jan come in just a little over a minute after me. he was so happy and excited to be done!!! then i waited for the old bag. i figured i should thank her for forcing me to pick it up. of course there was a complaint...

ob: "i got lost out there. i made a wrong turn. i think i did an extra mile or mile and a half..."

still complaining?? some people will never learn...

it's not a dream, Jan, we're done!!!

all in all, i am thrilled with my performance. it was my slowest HIM of the 4 that i've raced, but none of those courses and conditions could compare to what we did out there on saturday. all that considered, i feel strong, i hit all my goals of swim form, nutrition, and being able to run it in. i figure that the Brasil course won't be nearly as challenging in terrain or hills, just A MUCH LONGER DAY. and hey, if i happen to run into any complainers out there, hopefully they'll complain in Portuguese and it'll all sound like poetry to me!!!

SHOE UPDATE:

so check it out. i was planning on using my same shoes i raced in at Im Brasil. i've been on the fence about whether to get new ones, but these aren't too old, and the window to break in new ones to where i like them is pretty much closed. but after the piss and the dirt, they were pretty wrecked. truth is i'm also really broke. there's still so much money to spend before i even get to Brasil, i just can't bring myself to buy another pair of shoes. so back the the Posh Hotel, i tries to wash them out as best i could. what'd ya think??

before

after

nothin' a little hotel shampoo can't fix. fit for an Ironman, wouldn't ya say??

TEASER

2008-04-19T23:49:00.000-07:00

today i raced the Rage in the Sage Half Ironman at Lake Mead just outside Las Vegas. this was to be my final warm up race for IM Brasil in, wait, let me look over at the Polar countdown watch, oh great, IN 35 DAYS.

by far, this was the friggin' hardest of all the 4 HIMS i've raced, so i guess a good practice run for Brasil. to give you an indication of just how gnarls it was, here's what my shoes looked like afterwards...

can you wash the desert out of shoes?

and just consider yourself lucky that you can't smell the internet, cuz there's a whole lotta pee up in there too. that's right, today for the first time...

I PISSED MYSELF!!!

TWICE!!!

i'm pretty much totally spent. once i made it back to the hotel, i made a bee-line straight for The Original Pancake House. maybe i'm wrong, but Pigs in a Blanket could quite possibly be the perfect 4:1 carb/protein ratio for post-race replenishment. i don't know what came over me really. i haven't eaten that crap since i was about 10, but it called to me!!! then i made the mistake of sitting at a blackjack table. yeah, note to self: DON'T GAMBLE WHEN YOU'RE FUCKING EXHAUSTED. since then, i've been napping all afternoon in between brief bouts of CNN watching here in my hotel room. to add insult to injury, COACH has a 2 mile open water swim on the schedule for tomorrow. i'm too beat for the 4 hour drive home tonight, so instead i've arranged for a late checkout tomorrow. i'll sleep in 'til about 8, then return to the scene of today's hot, windy, dirty, dusty and pissy crime to hop in the lake and knock it out. then back to the hotel to shower and checkout before i head home.

full race report with ALL THE PISSY DETAILS soon.

WEEKEND RECAP: THE ARIZONA R&D TRIP

2008-04-17T15:34:00.000-07:00

i know, i know. even the people who raced got their reports out sooner. this of course will preempt today's HUMP DAY HAIKU. so sue me.

let's just start with OH.MY.GOD. if you're training for your first Ironman and you get the chance to volunteer or observe at another Ironman, TAKE IT. then again, if you're considering signing up for an Ironman but haven't done so yet, maybe don't go watch one first. or maybe you do and you're so inspired that you go straight to the awards banquet the next day and sign up for next year. i bet there's a 50/50 split on that opinion, but i am sooooo glad i'm went to Arizona this past weekend on a bunch of different levels.

THE FUCKER hitched a ride thursday with Iron Maiden Sinta and her crew from Triathlon Connection. i was still house sitting and couldn't make it out 'til friday morning, so i caught a ride with fellow LA Tri Club member and Valley Coach director, Luis Canales and his wife Marielle. we went straight to the expo upon arrival, and my butterflies started as soon as i stepped foot through that friggin' Ironman blow up arch. i'm not even racing, and i'm already getting nervous??

pass THE SALT please!!!
then we headed to the athlete's dinner later that night where i sat in on the pre-race meeting afterwards. they started talking about cutoff times, and i REALLY started to panic. outta the swim in 2:20 from the gun, off of the bike by 5:30pm, but if you don't even make the 3rd loop of the bike by a certain time, you're out. if you're not on the second of three loops of the run by a certain time, you're out. 17:00 hours to bring it home or YOU'RE OUT. not 17:00:01. ok, don't think i'm naive. this wasn't news to me. i've got this crap memorized, but it all seems so harsh when they start reciting it right in front of you. then they go on to say "if you've come to Ironman Arizona because you think it's a flat course, i think you'll be pleasantly surprised." and even if that's true, WHO THE HELL SAYS THAT TO A CROWD OF 2000 ATHLETES LESS THAN 48 HOURS BEFORE GO TIME??? now that's a mind fuck if you ask me....

i'm so confused!!!
i roomed with Iron Maiden Sinta and wanted to be totally focused on her and helping her in any way, but it was best to be out of her way as well. saturday, she would focus on setting up her special needs bags and fine tuning her bike before she turned it into transition. so i got up early saturday morning to hitch a ride with none other than BOLDER HIMSELF!!! yes, yes, y'all, i got to have a bloggy meet up with the one and only. he was in town to support his good buddies, Commodore and Benny, who were racing and to also be a part of a really cool gift bestowed to someone really worthy of it. we drove about 30 minutes to Scottsdale to meet up and ride with yet again more tri bloggers, Melissa, aka MoMo, Krista, aka Tri Dog Mom, Mr. Tri Dog Mom, Shane, and another friend of theirs, Daniel, all doing IM CDA. i only needed to ride 65 miles, and they were going for a full century, so they figured out where i could turn around early and make my way back to where we were parked.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING PICTURES WERE TAKEN WITH MY CELL PHONE AND YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT CELL PHONE PICTURES. THIS WAS EXCRUCIATING, BUT NECESSARY AS THE NIGHT BEFORE I LEFT FOR ARIZONA, I DISCOVERED THAT MY DIGI POINT 'N SHOOT HAS GONE MISSING. WHO LOSES A CAMERA?? PLEASE PUT GOOD THOUGHTS INTO THE UNIVERSE THAT IT IS RECOVERED BEFORE I LEAVE FOR BRASIL OR I AM DEVASTATED!!!

(l. to r.) Bolder, THE FUCKER, and Krista

Shane, Krista, and Daniel

MoMo!!!
they took us through some GORGEOUS neighborhoods and scenery, including one loop they've named "Tour De Crib" peppered with some beautiful McMansions, but i gotta be honest, these guys were way outta my league!! i held on pretty well for the better part of the ride, and i was able to draft off the back, but as soon as the wind picked up even a bit, and once i slipped away from the pack by even the slightest distance, they just started to drift further and further in front of me. they were great to wait for me though, and once, Bolder even pulled me back to the group, but then we took a turn into a mean wind, and i was struggling even worse. thing is, as much as i don't wanna admit it, my frozen shoulder pain is rearing its ugly head again, and it became increasingly painful to hold aero, and if i couldn't hold aero, there was no way i could stick with 'em. so even before i was supposed to split off, i told them to go on without me. they were all great and encouraged me to keep going with them, but it just wasn't fair to keep having them wait for me when they had so much mileage still to go. so i bid them farewell, and continued back towards where we were parked. i kept a good clip going and then found a nice climb up a street called Via Linda until it dead ended for the last 10 miles. then i stopped at a grocery store for a sandwich and chocolate soy milk and went across the street to a park and watched a little league baseball game while i waited for them to finish their ride. turns out the ladies worked Bold to near death, but i'll let him tell the story... then we drove back to Tempe and said our goodbyes with plans to find each other on race day.

kickin' it with my tri homies

screw the cowbell, MORE SALT!!!

Iron Maidens Cindy (cheerleading), me (cheerleading), Sinta (racing) and Juliet (racing).
not pictured: Iron Maiden Deb
Sinta and her Triathlon Connection crew merged with a few of our LA Tri Club Crew and friends and family, and we threw a pre-race dinner at the condo of one of Sinta's teammates. what a great home-cooked meal and a calm distraction the night before go time. beats sittin' in a loud, crowded restaurant any day!!! those who were racing did two rounds of feeding starting early, and by 7:30 we were on our way back to the hotel for last minute preparations and to get to bed. 9:00pm rolled around, and it was lights out. the alarm was set for 4:00. i knew Sinta was nervous when she asked me to also set my phone alarm for 4:05 in case hers didn't go off. Sweet dreams, Sinta!!!

double check and leave nothing behind!!!
4:00am. Sinta's alarm goes off. she doesn't budge. should i wake her?? no, i'll let the alarm run. she'll wake up on her own. alarm finally stops, and Sinta still hasn't budged. ok, no problem, i'll wait 'til my alarm goes off. finally it does, and still no Sinta. ok, she's starting to squirm, no wait she's just rolling over. oh no, she's still not awake. then another roll over and she slowly sits up, then sits crossed legged in the middle of her bed with her head hung low into her lap. is she stretching? is she praying? is she still sleeping in her lap? i really don't want to impose on her routine. i'm just gonna lay here and not budge and not be in her way. slowly she's up and starting her breakfast routine. i try to just be as quiet an unobtrusive as possible and ready to go when she is. we were just over a mile from the start, but it felt like the longest ride ever. nobody talked, nobody joked. they were all in the zone. the weather forecast called for a high of 95.

95 and winds up to 15 mph.

this wasn't news to anyone. i'm sure people had been watching the weather for weeks, hoping, praying it would change even the slightest, but hopefully they had taken the appropriate precautions. walking towards transition, you could just feel the buzz everywhere. i walked Sinta as far as i could before she went in to triple check her bike. we hugged, and i told her she would be and Ironman the next time we saw each other!!! here was the first of the Iron Maidens going for the 140.6. i still needed to find Iron Maidens Juliet and Deb and any other LA Tri Club peeps i could. watching all the activity made me wish i was racing. i wanted to get it over with. i felt ready, and THAT FELT GOOD.

major bike porn here
scanning transition, the bike porn was OUT OF CONTROL. makes me feel a little inadequate with my aluminum FUCKER, but whatever. it ain't the bike, it's the rider right?? in that case THE FUCKER is screwed!!!! i passed by a guy and overheard him say he was doing IM Brasil. of course i had to chime in that i was doing it too (he was FINE after all). his name is Brody, it'll be his first Ironman as well, and never mind that he was probably in pre-school when i graduated college!! turns out we're both going through Endurance Sports Travel and we're staying in the same hotel. yay, more fun peeps to hang with!!

Michellie gets in her zone
then look who i found sitting all the way on the edge of transition under a tree trying to hide from the hype. it was none other than 2006 winner at both Arizona AND Kona, Michellie Jones. i can't say enough how much i idolize her. she's just good peeps ya know? we made eye contact and i smiled and wished her a great race. she didn't seem nervous AT ALL, but rather so calm that it could come off as aloof. that's the true sign of a honed triathlete. they not only have the physical strength, but they have the mental strength. they train, they prepare for everything, and then they let it all go, and stay in the moment when the gun goes off. Mike Reilly was already on the mic announcing the last minute race details, and then he summed it all up best when he said "you may not be able to control the heat, or even the wind. in fact the best thing you can do is to let go of what you can't control and focus on what you can control, and that is YOUR ATTITUDE."

WOW

the racers started to pour in, double and triple checking their bikes, getting marked, squeezing into their neoprene and then dropping off their dry clothes bags. the lines for the porta potties got longer. it was definitely on!!! i made my way to the swim start, and look who else i found!!

PHOTO UP BEYOTCH!!!
yep, there's Bolder again and this time armed with his camera. next i saw MoMo and Stronger!!! it was a bloggy morning!!! i went up on one of the bridges to get a good bird's eye shot of the pros swimming out to the start line, and there just behind them on the dock waiting to jump in were all the age groupers, blue caps for the boys, and pink caps for the girls. the pros went off at 6:45 and then they let the age groupers in the water to make their way to the start about a 100 yards away. nice warm up, but then you had to tread water or wait on the banks until go time. check out how this guy chose to wait...

no stress here...
the music is blaring, and Mike Reilly starts his spiel.

"WHO'S DOING THEIR FIRST IRONMAN THIS MORNING?"

"HAVE A GREAT DAY OUT THERE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AND WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN, YOU WILL BE AN IRONMAN!!!"

THE CANNON GOES OFF, AND THEN IT'S ON.

hey, ma!!! look at me!!

hey, who grabbed me??

my next desktop wallpaper
the swim is on, and you can spot the people freaking out, not being able to put their head in the water. i wanna just jump in and tell each and every one of them that they're gonna be ok. then there were the back of the packers who were really struggling. one stayed on his back, nearly floating in place. everyone around me watched in amazement, waiting to see if he could flip over and get on his way. finally he did as a big sigh of relief came over the spectators. he was on his way now. no telling if he was gonna make the cutoff, but he was on his way...

then i went and parked myself near the transition bags.

grab and go!!!
LESSON #1 - know where you're bag is and don't wait for the volunteers to find it, cuz they may not be paying attention as your number is called out. i watched several people still stunned from the swim just standing there as nobody was looking for their bag. now if you're trying to qualify, that's precious time. me, not so much, but id' be frustrated if nobody was helping me, so i'm gonna help myself. i'll just be sure to know where my bag is and run towards it. if nobody near is holding my bag out, i'll start scanning the numbers. yeah, it all sounds perfect in theory. think i'll remember that after 2.4 miles??

not much to see as the changing tent is closed off, but i did ask Sinta and others what they were planning to wear for each leg of the race. typically, it's the tri kit the whole way through a shorter race, but tri shorts for 112 miles?? OH.HELL.NO. so then it's a question of what to wear under your wetsuit. i'll do what Sinta did. i'll wear my tri top and a separate bathing suit bottom for the swim leg, then change into fully padded bike shorts and keep the tri top for the bike leg. then for the run, i'll still keep the tri top but have a singlet waiting just in case i'm grossed out or irritated in any way at this point and switch out of the bike shorts to my tri shorts. it was a toss up between these and running shorts, but i don't want to risk any unwelcome chafing, and then that eliminates one more place i'll have to apply Body Glide. and yeah, that means stripping naked in the tent. no biggie, they're separated into men's and women's sides just for this very reason. Sinta said she sat down to change and some woman in front of her bent over with her bare ass all out and then some. hey, who said modesty was an Iron Virtue?? GET.ON.THAT.BIKE.

Lamar is looking awesome!!!
i watched everyone i personally knew get off on the bike. some looked happy that the swim was behind them, but for me i'll be sad that the funnest part is now done. the bike is my demon for sure...i caught up with Iron Maiden Cindy to head back to the hotel and knock out our 15 mile run. i plotted a 5 mile loop that would take us through downtown Tempe, ASU, and then back to our hotel to stop and pee and refuel. we didn't get started 'til 10am, and with each loop, it just got hotter and hotter. we knew it was better that we were running together, but there was very little conversation going on. i can't recall the last time i've had such a bad run. for one, i got so caught up in the Iron morning that i didn't stay on top of my own nutrition for this run. sure, i ate when we got up at 4am, but it was now 10am with temps AND winds increasing exponentially. Cindy is definitely a stronger runner than i am, and i felt as though she was having to hold back her run for my dragging ass, but we powered through. each stop at the hotel really messed with me too. the a/c was on in the room, and it would've been so easy to just bag it, but having Cindy there made it harder to just throw in the towel. it took everything in me not to sit down on the bed. i knew that if i did, i was done. by the 3rd loop, i could feel the heat radiating off the asphalt and up through the soles of my feet. each step became more painful than the last, and my shoulder was burning. at each red light i had to dangle it to the ground to try to give it some relief. and then i thought,

"HOLY SHIT. i can't believe they're out there doing an Ironman in these conditions today"

it was time to HTFU. if they were out there doing The Full Monty, the least i could do was get this miserable 15 miles done with and not complain. i found some comfort knowing that i shouldn't experience the same heat in Brasil. now the wind, that's a different story, but again, nothing i can control, so nothing to obsess about. i CAN control where i train in this next month, and i'll seek out some headwind riding on the bike path for the mental toughness more than anything, but the rest is outta my control, so i just gotta stay in the moment.

i made sure to take the time to replenish with a protein drink as soon as we were done with the ride per the Paleo Diet for Athletes (more on that soon), then ice my shoulder, but i was also reduced to having to pop some ibuprofen to get through the rest of the day. not my preference. i hate any pain killers, especially NSAIDS, but if i was gonna make it to midnight, i'd be stupid not to take the drugs.

as i iced and Cindy got dressed, we got our first reports from the field. Iron Maiden Juliet's husband, Eddie, texted us that she had just passed him at around mile 54. we did the math and were immediately alarmed. the wind must be wicked out there, but if she didn't pick it up quick, she might not make the bike cutoff. so we called him back and told him the situation. he needed to find her, to call our other friends out on the course and relay to her that she had to pick it up. we were leaving it up to him as to whether he wanted to stress her out like that, but i couldn't live with myself if she didn't make it and i knew i had a chance to warn her and didn't. Eddie appreciated the info, and said he'd try to catch up with her. then we got another text that maybe it was mile 64 he was at and not 54. um hello?? Juliet is the math teacher in the family, but clearly Eddie doesn't share the same skills, or at least map reading skills. was he at mile 54 or 64?? this was crucial stuff!!!

we ate near the race course in downtown Tempe and raced back to get to watch as many peeps come in from the last loop of the bike. the looks on their faces told the story, the warn and beaten down looks as if nobody could imagine what happened out on that road. they looked so grateful to be done, to make the cutoff. then, there went Sinta!! smile on her face, a good sign. she was in the moment. still waiting for Iron Maiden's Juliet and Deb. with an hour to go, Juliet made it in. dammit to Eddie for his map challenged self. we stressed her out for no reason. but she was smiling, a good sign. 45 minutes to go, and still no Deb. she went out on the bike before Juliet, and Juliet is a stronger cyclist, so it made sense to see her come in before Deb, but we were now down to 30 minutes. where was she? with every yellow helmet, we were relieved, but then it wasn't her. with 15 minutes to go, the first official race support car drives past us with several participants crammed inside. we're not talking a roomy cargo van as you'd expect, but like a small Subaru wagon with people all twisted and contorted inside. WTF???

then Cindy asked, "do you see her in there?"

me: "no. no. no way she's in there."

then it was like the scene at the circus where 100 clowns pile out of a volkswagon bug, as racer after racer undid they're pretzel knotted legs and fell out the doors. just as i thought there couldn't possibly be one more racer coming out, i recognized the LA Tri red white and blue colors, and the yellow helmet.

NO.NO.NO.NO.NO.NO.NO.

i couldn't do it. i just couldn't face her, but we couldn't let her walk back through the excitement of the athlete's village alone, so we ran and caught up with her. amazingly, no tears, not drama. she was just calm as a cucumber. she said she just couldn't fight through the wind, and in the next breath, she was already talking about next time. what an amazing spirit!! you gotta respect that.

we walked down to watch the run, and this is where i started to freak a little. this is where Ironman is decided, and some people were on the brink. there were already some seriously wobbly legs and vacuous eyes, but at least they were still moving forward. i cheered for everyone i could, and you could tell it made a difference to them. in the distance i could hear Mike Reilly already at the finshers' chute, announcing the speed demons..

"Mr. Joe Blow Speed Demon, YOU ARE AN IRONMAN!!"

Cherie Gruenfeld, most winningest age grouper at Kona, sets a course record!!!
but it was too early to celebrate at the finisher's chute. it was still light out. no way i'd be finishing by now. i needed to go observe the special needs area. i needed to get in touch with where i'd be right about now on the course, and it ain't no finisher's chute. i needed to encourage as many people as i could, because if they could make it, then maybe i'll make it.

Frank Farrar, oldest participant at age 79, sadly dropped out not long after this was taken

the sun started to go down and finally some relief from the elements. hopefully this would turn it around for them out there. i'd cheer and cheer, and some would be appreciative while others could not even take their gaze off the few feet in front of them. these looks scared me. where had it gone wrong for them? still though, THEY WERE MOVING FORWARD. then there were those who would stop and TAKE THEIR SHOES OFF. oh no. no.no.no.no.no. if i do that, i'm done.

LESSON#2 - THE SHOES MUST STAY ON.

smiles are good!!!

Juliet is pulling off a negative split!!!
finally, i spotted Sinta again, still smiling. she said she felt ok, but what was slowing her down was that she had to stop at every porta potty. i've heard the same from Iron Maiden of Honor, Lesley, but for both it eventually subsided. Juliet looked great too. she was actually picking up speed with every loop!!! i still hadn't spotted Luis since he'd come out of the water or Lamar since his second loop of the run. Marielle called to say Luis had made it to the final turnaround of the 3rd loop, so we waited to see him pass before we headed to the finisher's area.

Lamar and Luis bring it home

low and behold, they came in side by side, both keeping the other one going, Luis with his barely trained legs having not ridden more than a 70 miler in training, and Lamar with the extra 428 miles he did on the way to this day. probably not the fastest Ironman for either of them, but definitely memorable!!!

once they passed, it was time to head to the finishers' area. this is where it just got surreal. people walking, people crying, people shaking, people puking. some still even looked strong like they'd got their pacing down perfectly. but most of all, PEOPLE WERE FINISHING!!! people of all sizes and shapes, through the insane heat and brutal wind out on that bike course, were still straggling in. the statistics usually indicate a 10% DNF rate at most Ironman races. today it was more like 15-17% and most on the bike leg, including Bolder's buddy, Commodore. it was just not their day. you can train and prepare and train some more, but at a certain point, the conditions prove to be far too dangerous, and that's when you realize no matter what the cost, it's just not worth your life or your long term health. godspeed to Commodore. he really gave it all he had and more.

LESSON #3 - IT'S JUST NOT WORTH YOUR LIFE

i waited to see our Tri Club member of the year, Renata D'Angelo come in at just under 16 hours (flatted on the bike), and by then, a lot of the speed demons were showered and had also returned to cheer 'til midnight. when i ran up to Renata, she still had that beaming smile and said how sad she was that she wouldn't be able to cheer me on in Brasil, her home country. with just an hour left 'til the final cutoff, i couldn't leave now...

the crowd awaits

who's next???

Mike Reilly, the voice of Ironman, calls out another finisher
Mike Reilly exclaimed that this was one of the fullest set of bleachers he'd seen at any Ironman. we were stomping, clapping, dancing, woo hoooing, pounding on the sponsor panels that lined the chute, anything to let those still out on that dark run course know we were still there waiting for them. as a racer would come in, some were reduced to a slow walk, but then they'd see our outstretched arms waiting to high five them and they'd lift their head and pick it up a little to the line. mind you, for every sweaty, salty, perhaps even pukey high five i got, my anxiety grew for fear i'd get sick, but that didn't stop me. "just don't touch your face" i thought to myself. "and as soon as your ass comes through that hotel room door, YOU MUST WASH THESE MITS!!!"

the 17:00 mark came and went without anybody coming close. they brought back the woman who'd last crossed about 3 minutes earlier and did a quick interview. she said she was thrilled to have at least won SOMETHING. then Mike Reilly asked the course officials if there was anyone still close and would we stay to cheer them on. there was one woman, she came in about 6 minutes late. oddly enough, her name was MONICA and she looked to be a little younger than me. i remembered seeing her all day. i started to cry. that could be me. she came in with her mom running beside her, head down, but we cheered her on and she lifted that head and ran it to the line. don't know if Monica got an official time, but they gave her a medal and a shirt. that's the least they could do i think.

back at the hotel i caught up with Sinta who had showered and was just settling in to go to sleep. we gabbed all night, and of course i wanted to know about every second. how did you feel here? how 'bout there?? what did you eat here?? how 'bout there?? what was the worst part?? what was the best part?? and just as she'd settle down and start to fall asleep she'd jump up and remember another story!! this went on for about two hours, and finally in the last seconds before she drifted off for good, she whispered

TRUST ME, MONICA. YOU CAN DO THIS...

the payoff??
and lastly, THE BEST piece of advice i got all weekend. this from Luis who had this experience at IM Brasil in '05:

EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU'VE SHIT YOUR PANTS, JUST KEEP MOVING.

BETTER THAN THE HUMP DAY HAIKU!!

2008-04-07T12:44:00.000-07:00

thanks to all for your kind words and thoughts after my last post. the funeral service really took the wind outta my sails. i went home, wrote my post and then slept for 4 hours. not really what you'd call a nap but rather a "time out." i just couldn't deal. while nobody in my immediate circle is afflicted with cancer, it seems to be all around me in other ways, hitting relatives of friends of mine. i'm just done with it. makes you wanna just go hide someplace where cancer can't get to you, and unfortunately that paradise doesn't exist.

YET.

but saturday was just the turn i needed. Rainmaker made a great suggestion to just go out for an easy ride or run to clear my mind, not even focus on training or time or pace. even better, i decided it was most appropriate to put a spin on this "C word." so i got up early to make it to the Venice Pier to lend my lens to the beginning of one man's amazing journey to show his thanks in his fight against Children's Cancer...

Lamar and Nick, 7am, Venice Pier
meet Lamar Sepulveda and his son Nick. to celebrate his 50th birthday last year, he ran 50 miles. at his birthday party later that evening, he announced his next challenge. he wanted to thank the Children's Hospital of Orange County for saving Nick's life 25 years ago from leukemia and further raise awareness of Children's Cancer and inspire us all to get up and take the challenge for whatever charity we see fit. so this past Saturday, he set off ...

a 3.2 mile swim from Venice Pier to Santa Monica Pier in Los Angeles County.

about a 30 minute t1 and then he set off for the first leg of a 3 day cycling trip covering roughly 373 miles that ended Monday in Litchfield, Arizona.

yesterday, he left Litchfield and began running a double marathon, 56.4 miles. he'll run the last half marathon this morning ending in Tempe, Arizona. i know what you may be thinking right about now:

"hmmmmmm. Tempe Arizona? isn't that where Ironman is happening this Sunday?"

um, yeah. after 3 days of rest, Lamar will complete his final leg of the journey by becoming and Ironman for the 4th time. and i'm soooooo psyched i'm gonna get to go watch him and everyone else in action at IMAZ #1!!!!

569.2 MILES

oh, and if that's not enough for ya, Lamar's going for Ironman #5 at IM Louisville later this year in August!!!

so if you're at all inspired by this, you can go to his website and read more about his story and hopefully donate some loot. be sure to designate any donations for Pay It Forward Challenge. at the very least, maybe you'll be inspired to take on your own challenge in the name of a charity that's important to you. doesn't have to be an Ironman, maybe just a 5k, maybe a creative fundraiser that's not even sporty at all.

WE CAN AND WE DO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

GOODBYE WILMA

2008-04-04T14:42:00.000-07:00

today Wilma Coleman Joseph was laid to rest. she fought cancer for 18 years.

18 YEARS.

Wilma was married to her first husband, Kenneth Coleman in 1970, had her son, Eric, in 1971, and was widowed by 1974. a young black single mother raising a son in Los Angeles in the early 70's, it coulda been the story you read about or see in movies time and time again, but Wilma was no stereotype, and she refused to let Eric become one either. she secured a job with the LA Unified School District going on to get her Bachelor's and then her Master's in Education. she remarried to Kenneth Joseph in 2003.

Eric Coleman, or simply "Coleman" as his friends refer to him is one of the greatest people i have ever had the privilege to call a dear friend. we go way back to junior high days and the dances at Daniel Murphy Catholic Boys School, and later we'd reconnect through our love and passion for photography. i can definitively say that Coleman is a key player in the soundtrack to my 20's and beyond, still dj'ing and making the kids move at the now 10 year running club, Firecracker. always the gentleman, always there if you need him, always a smile, never a harsh word, Wilma's greatest achievement shines every day through Coleman and the people he touches on a daily basis with his images and his music. Wilma was his proudest and biggest fan. even as bone cancer ravaged her frail body to half its size and in constant pain, she never missed his gallery openings and frequently attended his sets at Firecracker. she treated all of his friends as if they were her own. if word got to Wilma that you didn't have family to go to for the holidays, you instantly became a Coleman. there will never be another pot of gumbo quite the same.

today at the funeral service, another friend of Coleman's said he was just glad he could be there today for Eric and that he never actually met Wilma. i turned to him, smiled and told him, if you knew Coleman, if you love Coleman, then you knew and loved Wilma. he is quite simply an extension of her brilliance, and she was his best friend.

i'm home now. still kinda in a daze and not even thinking about what workouts need to get done. just not feelin' like Iron today. maybe tomorrow, maybe sunday....

HUMP DAY HAIKU!!

2008-04-02T07:22:00.000-07:00

spring is upon us
and t1 is now open
YOU READY TO GO?

I HEREBY CHRISTEN THEE...

2008-04-01T12:45:00.000-07:00

as i mentioned in a previous post, i think naming your ride is kinda retarded. right along with throwing your dog a birthday party. in fact, i don't even think you should throw a kid a birthday party until they're old enough to remember it. call me harsh, call me cold, call me a bad parent, but ya know what?? college is expensive, so throw the dough in their savings account instead. they'll be happier you did that than to know they had a wingding of a 1st birthday complete with a clown that made them cry and shit their pants. on second thought, by the time they're in college, the savings may only buy them a few books, and the ones with the yellow "USED" sticker on them at that. awe hell, go ape shit. throw them a party. i'm probably not having kids anyway...

but back to the bike. in that previous post i changed my opinion about naming the bike and put a call out for suggestions, and you were all great to write in with your submissions.

some suggested to go with the color:

SILVER?

SILVER STREAK?

HI HO SILVER?

um, no. and not TONTO either

others suggested something to the effect of my potential speed:

FLASH?

no more like "INCH" for "inching along"

Coach Liz had a really cute idea:

"You could always call it Hugh Jackman. Then when you told people that you have a date to ride Hugh Jackman hard this weekend, it would be sure to raise some eyebrows, HA!!!"

so name it after an actor/celebrity i'd like to do?? that would mean my ride would be called:

BENICIO DEL TORO

too long. and i'm not talkin' about the name...

you know, with all this Ironman training, we sure can tend to overthink a lot of crap. we make things more complicated than they really need to be as evidenced by my last two weekend's long rides. we go for miles and miles, round and round in our heads searching for THE TRUTH, but sometimes we just gotta go back to the beginning, back to where we started, back to square one, and we realize that the answer is most times staring us right in the face. WE ALREADY HAD IT ALL ALONG. so i went back to that last post:

"but at this point in training, i think it may be time to christen the fucker with some sort of name and make this deal official. any suggestions??"

and that's when it hit me. i had it all along. so without further ado....

I HEREBY CHRISTEN THEE....

you don't wanna mess with this...

"THE FUCKER"

it's kinda love/hate ya know? which is pretty much how it is when i'm riding anyway, but with obviously more love than hate. i mean you gotta love doing this to endure the numb Sascrotch week after week. so it works for me, and it works for him. cuz THE FUCKER is definitely a HIM (aren't they all??) it's a versatile name with various adjectives that can be inserted to suit a myriad of occasions. for instance, here's THE FUCKER perched outside of a barn on our ride through Pioneer Town two weekends ago. right there, he's a

BAD MOTHER FUCKER

and here's a list of other words that can be inserted:

CUTE LITTLE

BROKE DOWN

HAULIN' ASS FAST

SWERVEY

oh the list can go on and on. in fact why don't you readers send in some more submissions while i go outside and wash the:

DIRTY, STICKY FUCKER

WEEKEND RECAP: A LONG WEEKEND OF "FIRSTS"

2008-03-31T18:48:00.000-07:00

ok, let's start with the ugliest of firsts and get it out of the way:

FIRST RUN IN WITH A CAR WHILE RIDING BIKE

as i left my house early friday morning to catch the train, i was stopped at a red light at a pretty big intersection wearing my bright ass yellow vest. as the light turned green, i began to pedal through the intersection and hadn't built up much speed yet when a white bmw comes from behind me and turns RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME into the gas station to my right. it was really all kinda slow motion but too fast for me to avoid going straight into the passenger side back door. i let out a pathetic sort of "aaaaaaauuuuugh!!!' and the beamer broke my fall. at this point, i still don't think the driver was aware of me, but the sound of my thud against the back of his car musta jolted him to accelerate ahead which in turn caused me to fall to the ground. luckily, i hadn't put my hand out to break my fall and landed on my lower arm instead. the driver got out looking all stunned and apologetic:

dumb ass driver: "oh my god i didn't see you!!! are you ok??"

me (to myself): "really? you couldn't see this big fat ass and my bright ass yellow vest??"

me: "yeah, i'm fine"

me (to myslef) : "but your side door sure isn't"

d.a.d. (who clearly hasn't inspected his side door yet): "really. i didn't see you. i'm so sorry. are you sure you're ok?"

me: "yeah, i'm fine. listen, i'm late for a train. just watch where you're going ok?"

my aerobars musta gone straight into the door, and then when he accelerated it just scraped the shit outta it. oh well, kharma's a bitch and sometimes payback is instant. my hand felt a little scraped under my glove, and my arm was throbbing a bit from where i landed, but no tears to the clothing, no worse for the wear. CARRY ON...

i thought i'd catch some zzz's on the train, but i was too excited. the scenery went from urban and industrial to gorgeous and lush by the time the train reached the shore. i got off one stop past Oceanside in beautiful Solana Beach to get a scenic 40 miles in on my way to...

MY FIRST BLOGGER MEET UP!!!

Welcome to SoCal!!
met up with Rainmaker who was out from DC for the race. we clipped in and headed to see if we could get on the marine base for about 45 minutes of relatively uninterrupted riding. just as we headed onto the base, he asked what sorta pace i wanted to go to which i replied something like, "hey you're the guest. whatever you feel like. i'll hang on if i can." and that's just about all i could do. HANG ON. he took off like a bat outta hell, and i went totally anaerobic trying to keep up behind him. with all the solo riding i've been doing for Ironman, it was kinda fun to get pulled, no YANKED, by someone faster than me. the scenery was gorgeous, and at one point a marine chopper took off from a field right in front of us. VERY SURREAL!! on the way back we met up with a headwind somethin' fierce. i made a pretty pathetic attempt at pulling, and Rainmaker was just being polite to stay behind my slow ass. by the time we hit what i wouldn't even call a hill but more of a short incline, i waved him around me or he'd a gone backwards.

met up with Yanti and Dolores who were so awesome to drive down with my stuff and let me crash in their hotel room on last minute's notice. they were meeting up with their whole BeginnerTri.com crew for lunch, so Rainmaker and i joined them. then we all set off for the expo where i kept to my word and DIDN'T BUY A THING!!! Rainmaker, however, cannot say the same. check out his new secret weapon in the box...

Mwuaaaa ha ha haaaaaaaa!!!
and just as i was leaving the expo, low and behold, look who i catch in line at the McDonald's shack at the pier!!

Mickie D's: nutrition fit for a champ!!
our very own LA Tri Club member and young pro, Katy Donovan!!! no other triathlete's in site at McDonald's but there's Katy swearing she never eats it but craves it right before and after a race. SO THE PROS ARE HUMAN!!! then i asked her what colors she'd be wearing so i knew to look for her the next day. she wasn't sure because she still had to pick up her kit at the expo from her sponsor, Zoot, but she'd requested that she not have to wear any "girly colors," as she explained "powder blue and pink just don't look fast" NOW THAT'S MY KINDA GIRL!! in fact the only pro who looks good in pink is my personal fav, Michellie Jones. however, my theory behind her wearing of pink is that she's so damned intimidating looking as it is, she has to soften the blow to her competition!!!

NEXT UP, BLOGGER OCEAN SWIM!!!

Surf's Up!!
we didn't get in the water 'til about 4 o' clock, and by then the conditions were pretty blown out and rougher than earlier in the day. i was supposed to get an hour swim in, but after we braved getting through the surf and around and out of the surfers' way, i was just happy to be in the water, and we maybe spent about 20 minutes total going south and back. again, i pretty much followed behind Rainmaker. don't get any ideas about this guy when he writes about how he could barely swim when he first started out in triathlon. he musta done his homework, cuz i couldn't catch him for nothin'!! coming back in, i got tousled a bit in a wave and my calf CRAMPED UP BIG TIME. this is the second calf cramp in the water in two weeks. crazy how a wave can do that to you in an instant. reminds me to just relax through a wave toss and not fight to the surface.

sat enjoying the late afternoon sun, and then it was time to bid Rainmaker goodbye so that he could rest up and get into pre-race mode, and i was off to find the crew and our hotel room. luckily, i checked my voicemail BEFORE i headed off to where i THOUGHT our hotel was. Yanti had called to say that the original hotel had overbooked and we were relocated to another hotel. after calling for directions, i made my way there just before dark. so there were 4 of us, and we were expecting to cram ourselves into 2 double beds as originally requested with the reservation. but in my last minute decision to make the trip, something told me to bring a sleeping bag and pad. good thing since the relocated hotel only had a room with 1 BED!!! of course without question, that went to Yanti who was the only one of us racing. Sherpa Dolores shared with her, and instead of the floor, i snagged the blue lazy boy recliner pictured below. it was actually quite comfy!!!

(l. to r.) Sherpa Dolores, racer Yanti and volunteer Verna.
us triathletes sure know how to crap up a hotel room.

RACE DAY!!!

i got up early to catch a ride with Yanti and Sherpa Dolores, and what an amazing Sherpa she was!!! she helped Yanti with all the packing, applying sunscreen, chammy butter to shorts, stickers to gear, racking of bike to car, and a ton of photos every step of the way. we walked in the dark to transition and said our goodbyes as Yanti set off to find her rack. i couldn't find Rainmaker as there seemed to be a huge tent obstructing his rack, but i made my way to find as many peeps from LA Tri Club that i could recognize. the buzz in the air made me really wish i was racing, but my turn will come in a few more weeks. today was all about cheering and pics, all 350+ of them!!!

my plan was to see and cheer as many people as i could out of the water and onto the bike. the pros started coming out, and i got some cool shots. and look!! two racers behind Michellie Jones outta the water is Katy Donovan!! you gotta love McDonald's as fuel..

the fierce, ruling diva, Michellie Jones with Katy Donovan hot on her trail...

dah dah dah.dah.dah...she's lovin' it.
NO POWDER BLUE OR PINK FOR THIS GIRL!!!
then while everyone was pedaling, i'd take off for my scheduled 16 mile run. i'd hopefully make it back in time to see as many as i could cross the finish line. it turned into a bit of a cluster fuck having to walk back a mile to the car to change and drop off all my crap, and i got started a little bit later than planned. the boardwalk was clear enough to be able to run right alongside the course without actually being in the way. HOW COOL IS THIS!!! next thing i know, here come the pros!! last years winner, olympian Andy Potts, was in the lead and looking strong, but the field was too close to say he had it in the bag. next up, the women's field was also close. Michellie had taken over the lead on the better part of the bike, but had dropped to 3rd by the time i saw them at mile 3 of the run. but there they were right out next to me with not much of a crowd around!!! of course no camera as i was on a training run myself. bummer. funny thing was that at all the water stops, the enthusiastic volunteer kids kept cheering me on thinking i was the lead woman. i have to admit that it felt kinda cool. hey, a girl's gotta dream right??

i felt good and strong on the run, but doing it along the course was maybe not the best idea. i kept running into other people i knew cheering on the sidelines, and then of course i had to stop to cheer racers as i recognized them. there went Rainmaker in a flash giving me the so-so sign when i asked how he was feeling. if that was so-so, i'd take his so-so any day!!! as i came in from my first loop, Andy Potts and 2nd place finisher at Kona, Craig Alexander, were NECK AND NECK to the finish line. Potts took the final surge and the win by JUST 3 SECONDS!! i kinda like how the olympian steps up to the half ironman distance and wins it last year at his 2nd attempt and then takes it again the following year against some seasoned competition. way to keep it fresh, Andy!! next the women started trickling in. i didn't know the 1st place woman, Mirinda Carfrae took 2nd, and i got to cheer for 3rd place, Leanda Cave, who i met when she did a homestay at a friend's for the L.A. Tri two years ago. Michellie took 4th. ok, enough cheering. gotta head out for the second lap. heading back from the second loop of the course i ran into fellow Tri Clubber and IMCDA hopeful, Carsten Dietz. he wasn't looking good but perked up when he recognized me.

"Monica, can you please take this from me!!! YOU'RE A LIFE SAVER!!!"

next thing i know, i'm doing the last 3 miles of the course with his fully loaded fuel belt on!! what's this guy got in here, a full buffet?? is he trying to get some extra weight training in on the side? this is only a half ironman with aid stations up the wazoo!! by the time i finally found his girlfriend, Juliana, to hand it off to, i was throughly exhausted, and i knew i'd already missed many peeps crossing the line including Rainmaker. with the added weight of the fuel belt for the last 3 miles, i didn't feel so bad about only getting 13 miles in instead of 16. so sue me...

i was done training for the day and it was still light out. SUCCESS!! and now i was left to just cheer in the rest of the crew. as i got to talking to some who had already finished, i began to not feel so bad to have missed the race this year. the bike course ended up being SUPER WINDY with over 20 miles of straight headwinds. uh, no thanks. i managed to spot 4 of the 5 bloggers i knew would be racing. Rainmaker was well on his way to the airport with a PR!!! Brian, aka Triathlete in a Cubicle also killed it as i predicted. maybe not what his goal was, but those winds just took it outta everyone. caught Fe-Lady on the run course looking proud and strong in her Operation Rebound kit. and low and behold, there was Neoprene Wedgie!! after all his doubts that his knee would hold up, he was looking strong and smiling. and he even beat his expected finish time!!! only one i didn't spot was CV Surf, cuz well, i realized i've never seen a picture of him on his blog!! CV Surf? any reports??? but my favorite person to cheer in was Miss Yanti. she towed the line after gashing her foot on the boat ramp at the swim exit, which lead to having to ride a good portion of the bike doing one-legged drills. then the winds just killed her with her more upright handlebars. you see, this girl just taught herself to ride a bike 3 seasons ago for her first sprint tri, so she's not so comfy with drop downs just yet. still she soldiered through, so saturday's finish was a HUGE DEAL. i mean can ya argue with a finish photo like this???

YESSS!!!

then it was back to the hotel to rest up for MY BIG DAY SUNDAY...

MY FIRST 100+ MILE RIDE

120 MILES TO BE EXACT. i was a little freaked out saturday night as i fell sleep in the lazy boy and my calf was still cramped from the previous day's swim. getting up the next morning, i had to limp to the bathroom to get dressed which wasn't a good sign, but at this point i really had no choice but to ride myself back home!! see how i set that up for myself?? no backing out now!! ok, it wasn't that dramatic. i coulda hopped on the train back north, but i figured that i wouldn't use my calves too much as long as i stayed seated for the majority of the distance. and after last weekend's long-ass ride made only longer by my inability to put my camera down long enough to get aero and stay there, i made the executive decision to leave the camera in my stuff that was being driven back by Yanti and Dolores.

OH.THE.HORROR.

i realized sunday just how naked i feel without my camera. i can't tell you how many times i wished i had it. so many things i needed to document. needed to document?? am i hearing myself?? what am i on a photo bike tour or an Ironman training ride??

GET TO STEPPIN' LADY!!!

i set off and started my bike computer just as i left the hotel, first heading towards the marine base to ride the flatter portion of the previous day's course. it was still quite windy this morning which made me feel even more for those who toughed it out on race day. but instead of trying to mash through it, i knew i had to spin to start warming up. after all, i had 120 miles to go....

made it out of San Diego county and onto Laguna Niguel at mile 36 where i had

MY FIRST FLAT OF THE DAY!!!

and a REAR FLAT TOO!! no worries. i took it as an opportunity to see how fast i could change it on the fly. i was most proud of myself that i didn't touch the chain AT ALL. 5 MINUTES and some change, and i was back in business. it was pretty much rollers all along Pacific Coast Highway, and i think i was still a little skittish from the run in with the beamer at the beginning of this glorious weekend, so coming into the main drag of every town made me a little more stressed. still, i was plugging along, eating and drinking regularly, keeping a pretty good pace and the calf was holding up.

"mile 40. you're a 3rd of the way there. NICE. keep it up. stay in the game."

coming outta Newport Beach and just over the bridge at the Santa Ana River path, i had another first.

MY FIRST SECOND FLAT ON A RIDE!!!
(did that make sense?)

ok, this is friggin' annoying. i don't bring my camera so as to not waste time, and now i'm wasting time changing flats. here i am, less than halfway through the ride and i'm on my last tube. i thoroughly scraped inside the tire looking for whatever was still in there, but nothin'. then i go to fill it with my last co2 cartridge and the thing starts to let the air out on its own before i can get it on the vale stem.

SHIT.

new tube but not enough air. i flagged down the next riders i saw, and a guy was nice enough to lend me his extra co2 (good bike kharma ya know). then i stuck with them for a few more miles until i got to Main St. in downtown Huntington Beach. with 70 miles to go and the rest on way more remote bike paths, i didn't feel good about not having any more tubes or air. the guys directed me to Jax where i met Michelle who sold me what i needed to get the rest of this mother done. Michelle asked what route i was planning to take back north and discouraged me from taking the 710 path as i had planned. last time i rode it was the first time i ever rode it, and i was with two guys. she said it smelled and was full of unsavory characters, and she didn't think i'd be safe riding alone there. oh, yeah, especially if I HAVE TO STOP AND CHANGE ANOTHER FRIGGIN' TUBE!!! with all that had already transpired, i figured it was a sign that i'd come to Jax and been warned. so i took the San Gabriel River path which drives me absolutely ape shit batty, but at least i only had to go one way on it, and at least i was headed in the TAILWIND direction!! so shout out to Michelle if you're reading this!! btw, she rides over 300 miles a week, back to back centuries on the weekends and has already run several marathons. think she might be ready for the 140.6?? she says she's confident she can do it all except for the swimming. um, anyone wanna write her some encouraging words in the comments section???

and off i went up the San Gabriel path. feeling good and flying. saw A TON of IMAZ folks out getting in their last long stuff before taper. thought of Bolder and his run ins with the prairie dawgs when one cracked out squirrel nearly took me out by crossing the path right in front of me. i swear i clipped the edge of his tail and then HE KINDA TURNED AROUND AND BARKED AT ME!! WTF??? hey, it was mile 80 or so, so i coulda been imagining things. descriptions of more things i saw and didn't have my camera for but maybe i was imagining and will be haunted by forever...

the lanky teenage kid running solo with a bright red cap and what looked to be a Che t-shirt, but upon nearing closer, it read "Pre Lives." the light on him was surreal and he was in the zone. he nodded at me as if to acknowledge that i was in the zone too.

the sunday rodeo complete with live Ranchero band. dust flying and cowboys everywhere. I WILL DEFINITELY GO BACK AND MAKE A PROJECT OUT OF THAT ONE!!

looking down when the computer red 66.6 miles. oh that's just evil...

looking down when the computer read 77.7 miles. now that's lucky...a foreshadowing to my upcoming Vegas Race perhaps?? i'm all in it to win it and win me some more registration bucks!!!

the ominous clouds that waited for me at the top of the San Gabriel path, sitting at the foothills, waiting to break with rain but holding off cuz i wasn't dressed for rain.

THE LIGHT. OH THE LIGHT.

ENOUGH ABOUT THE LIGHT. STAY IN THE GAME, GIRL. LET'S GET THIS DONE.

off of the path, it was stop and go through city streets for the last 17 miles. i recall looking down at the computer as i started up again after one particular red light, and this time it read...

112

HOLY SHIT. COULD YOU RUN A MARATHON RIGHT NOW??

i'm terrified to say that maybe, JUST MAYBE I COULD.

8 more miles without much incident, and i was at my front door. through 3 counties, countless zip codes, 2 tubes, 2 co2 cartridges and NOT ONE PHOTO. and anyone who wants to chime in with "no photo=didn't happen" can kiss my chapped-after-120 miles ASS!!!

I.WAS. HOME.

120.1 miles
(i overshot it just a wee bit i guess)

TOTAL TIME: 10 HOURS, 12 MINUTES
ACTUAL RIDE TIME: 8 HOURS, 11 MINUTES
(let's just say it's a good thing i swim fast enough)

i was supposed to run 20 minutes off the bike, but i was afraid to blow up my calf that was still cramped.

SO.SUE.ME.

i know, i know, these posts are getting out of control long. but this blog really isn't for you, it's for me to remember once it's all over. cuz TIME.IS.FLYING.PEOPLE. 54 DAYS!!! but stay with me, peeps. there's some exciting news to share in the next day or two. for one, i will FINALLY CHRISTEN THE BIKE WITH A NAME!!! stay tuned....

OCEANSIDE!!!!

2008-03-27T16:36:00.000-07:00

so it's all a go. this saturday is the Ironman California 70.3 in Oceanside. i had originally planned to race it as a warm up to IM Brasil, but it sold out in record time. which reminds me,

I'VE GOT A HALF IRONMAN RACE IN 3 WEEKS. DOH!!!

instead i'm heading to Vegas to race the Rage in the Sage on April 19th. it worked out better, as i have family there i can stay with, and it'll be a nice chance to visit with them. best part is that i will most likely win my registration and gas money back at the blackjack tables!!!

21 BABY!!!!

but this weekend is Oceanside. first i wanna give a big shout out to Yanti who i mentioned in my weekend recap when we swam in the shit spill this past sunday. Yanti's racing her first half and i want to wish her the BEST RACE EVAH!!! she's been trainin' hard, then got a little sick at the beginning of the year, but she's made a comeback, and i know she'll have a blast out there!!!

in tri blog land, 5 bloggers i read regularly are gonna be out there. Rainmaker's coming all the way from DC!! Neoprene Wedgie's been battling some nasty knee issues, but some visits to the PT are gonna help him get to the start line (if he doesn't leave his front wheel at his car). there's Fe-lady, who's done an incredible job of raising money for Team Operation Rebound. we got local OC triathlete, CV Surf, who's had a hectic week with the health of the rest of his family. CV, you been eating your albondigas soup??!!! MEXICAN PENICILLIN!!!! and the there's my fellow LA Tri Club member, Brian, aka, Triathlete in a Cubicle. all i know is that this guy is ready to KILL.IT. no doubt there will be a bunch more bloggers out there, so good luck and great race to you all!!!

one last bit of advice to you all: don't get caught by the race photographers doin' this like i did last year!!!

spittin' ON YOUR LEFT!!!!

tonight, i'm dropping a bag (or two or ten) off to Yanti that she'll drive down for me (i told you she was THE BEST). tomorrow, i leave at 6am with my bike to catch the train down south where i'll get off one stop past Oceanside and then bike back where i'll meet up with Rainmaker and continue to ride with him a little bit more. then i'll meet up with Yanti at the hotel or at the expo and pick up my wetsuit to knock out an hour long ocean swim. i think Rainmaker's got 2000 yards to do. then the expo where I WILL NOT BUY ANYTHING!!!

saturday is all ALL ABOUT PHOTOS AND CHEERING. ok, not all about cheering...while everyone's out on the bike leg, and since most of it is on the Camp Pendelton Marine Base and inaccessible to spectators, i'll be busy knocking out a 16 mile run. i'll follow the run course and then some and then meet up with Iron Maiden of Honor Lesley to catch everyone as they transition from bike to run and then back at the FINISH BABY!!

THEN WE DRINK!!!

NOT!!!!

cuz guess what monica gets to do sunday while everyrone's sleeping in, recovering and Yanti drives all my crap back up to L.A.....

wait

wait.

WAIT.FOR.IT.

120 FRIGGIN' MILES

yep, you read it right. i'm ridin' back home through 3 counties and lord knows how many zip codes and area codes.

YES YES Y'ALL. IT'S GETTIN' REAL STOOPID 'ROUND HERE....

HUMP DAY HAIKU!!

2008-03-26T09:40:00.000-07:00

photo courtesy of MTV Networks

Jenny from Da Block
says she wants to try a tri.
Go on, homegirl. GO!!

60

2008-03-25T22:58:00.000-07:00

60 days left

60 days left

60 days left!!

and all i gotta say is....

wait

wait

WAIT.FOR.IT.

I'M SICK OF OATMEAL!!!
(and i'm still gassy)

WEEKEND RECAP: THE DESERT RIDE...

2008-03-24T19:02:00.000-07:00

before i get on with the weekend recap i'd like begin with a little product review:

if you use any sort of salt caps or supplement that comes in pill or capsule form, it's difficult to carry them and then remember to take them regularly while racing. can't carry them in your jersey pockets as they get wet and soggy and deteriorate. in the bento box, they get stuck down at the bottom, and i have to eat everything else in there before i even see them to realize i haven't been taking them regularly, and by then the damage is done. while i didn't purchase the company's salt tabs (i got my own endurolytes), i wanted to test their dispenser, the salt stick, to free up some room in the bento box and have them in a place on my bike that would remind me to take them regularly. here's what my setup looks like with them attached to my aerobars:

my front end setup

turbo boosters all fired up
DOESN'T THAT LOOK SICK?? between the aerobars themselves, the bar-end shifters, the aero drink bottle, the computer and now these two salt sticks, it looks like i'm ready for lift off!!! the sticks each hold 6 caps. they also make a mini stick that just holds 3 caps and can be installed right onto the bar end of most standard road handlebars. seeing as i expect to take well over 7 hours on the bike portion of IM Brasil, and my formula has been to take 2 caps an hour after the first 2 hours of riding, i needed to install 2 of the large sticks. they come with a plastic snap mount that velcros onto just about any type of bar or tube, but i quickly discovered that with my Vision Tech bars, they easily slipped snuggly into the space between the bullhorns of my handlebars and the aero pads. SWEET!!! and just for good measure, i taped them down to avoid any rattling because I HATE WHEN ANYTHING RATTLES ON MY RIDE!!! i coulda used some less conspicuous tape than silver duct tape though. i'll replace that since i need to retape my handlebars before next weekend's ride. they come standard with a red plastic dispenser top and you also get a yellow replacement top to designate in case you race with two sticks filled with different supplements. pretty cool eh?? so once they're mounted, you simply turn the red dispenser button counter clockwise until you feel tension and then start to load the caps in one by one. then while riding, you turn the button clockwise until the cap sticks out. coolest part is that the dispenser doesn't just spit it out, but rather it holds it there for you to grab when you're ready and avoids you losing any to the road below.

PEZ for triathletes

as i mentioned in an earlier post today, i stayed at my friends Marina and David's little ranch house in the high desert of Yucca Valley. since they were also staying over the weekend and had other guests there, i stayed in the Airstream they have on the property so that nobody would have to worry about keeping quiet once i went to sleep, and i wouldn't wake anybody when i got up at the crack o' crack dawn to start my ride. they all made fun of me for being back in the Airstream since that's where i passed out at their post-wedding party a few years back. but yeah, things have changed since then. no booze on this trip...bummer.

my bed and the view at 7am
i intended to take of at 7am, but by the time i got rolling, it was more like 7:45. it turned out to be the perfect time to be carrying 12 endurolytes for saturday's ride cuz IT TOOK FOREVAH!!!! i knew the general route i wanted to take, and it would have me doing 3 major loops kinda in the shape of a clover that would take me through Pioneer Town, Yucca Valley/Landers, and finally Joshua Tree National Park. Marina was really helpful in pointing out the more continuous and less congested roads. each loop would be a long gradual climb for miles followed by a long descent. not so much what COACH intended for me to ride, but i'm running out of flat places to go for so long, and i'll slit my wrists if i have to do 3 repeats of the San Gabriel River Trail again. i started out heading towards the Pioneer Town loop with about a 12 mile warm up on the way. not many cars at this point, but a helluva lot o barkin' dogs in people's yards. i'm not so much afraid of dogs, but the last thing i needed this early in the morning was to be chased by some rabid, high-desert, tweaker of a canine.

the climb to Pie Town
heading up into Pioneer Town, the ride instantly became surreal like something outta 2001: A Space Odyssey. the craggy bolders peppered with various cactus life and burnt out Joshua Trees from last year's devastating lightning fire were both a gorgeous backdrop and a terrible distraction for getting this ride done!!! i couldn't ride 100 yards without stopping to take another picture. i already knew i was doing myself a disservice, but hey, i'm a photographer. i couldn't help myself!!!

it didn't get any better when i finally rolled into town. i got off the bike, put my coffee caps on and walked down the main drag for MORE PICTURES. Pie Town is where they filmed Gunfight at the OK Corral, and after filming commenced, they left the facades of the western town up. some real pioneers (i.e. freaky desert outlaws) came in and built real structures behind the facades and decided to call it home. there's a working saloon, a bowling alley, a post office, and a sorry excuse for a petting zoo.

but alas i carried on. there were still miles and miles of burnt out terrain ahead, but now with hints of spring flowers blooming through. very uplifting, however it'll be a decade or more before the Joshua Trees come back. the California Chaparral has got to be one of the best examples of cycling lifespan and regrowth. kinda like our periodization training as triathetes. we burn and burn to the point of fatigue, then have a recovery week, then come back flourishing and stronger than the last cycle. pretty crazy...

meet my pet ostrich???
i tried to stop taking as many pics throughout the rest of the ride, but i just couldn't resist this OSTRICH. WTF?? all i could think of was "Tina, you fat lard, come get some dinner!!!" from Napoleon Dynamite. oh wait, Tina was a llama not an ostrich. the time factor came more from the long sustained climbs for the better half of each loop i picked. the second loop was the flattest and least picturesque, so i tried to stay aero as much as possible. i was flying at certain points, and with the rollers, really getting a chance to dial in my gearing. back down to the main highway after the second loop, i stopped at the Circle K convenience store to restock on water and mix up some more Gatorade Endurance and Carbo Pro before i was off to Joshua Tree, the final loop of the adventure.

of course, it didn't dawn on me that it was Easter weekend. i envisioned just me and the road and the J Trees, but i found a line of cars a mile long once i made the climb up to the Park Entrance. the campgrounds were full, and people were bummed that they could only get passes to drive through. as i was on my bike, i got to cut the line, pay my 5 bucks and ride on in...

can we just go bouldering instead???
the entire loop into the park was pretty much one long 17 mile graduated climb with short little recovery descents, and i was starting to feel the fatigue, but luckily i'd been taking my endurolytes dispensed via the salt stick since 2 hours in so NO CRAMPS!! i just kept reminding myself that when i got to my turnaround, i'd be rewarded with a 17 mile descent.

YESS!!

but then i also remembered that there was still one last MOTHER OF A CLIMB in the last 10 miles back up to The Ranch.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

made it to my final turnaround feeling like i had something left for the last 40 miles...

no wait, the computer says 70 miles...

feeling like i had something left for the last 30 miles??

ok, wait, it's 17 miles back to the park entrance and then 22 miles back to The Ranch.

AWE CRAP.

now i got all the way through Calculus in high school, but i guess when it comes to basic math, i'm a lost cause. i overshot the loop in J. Tree by 10 miles. maybe i didn't do it so subconsciously, because now that meant i wouldn't have to climb the MOTHER CLIMB back to The Ranch. i just needed to get outta The park for my cell to work again and call Marina to bring me my car.

downhill all the way back right?? how does a road turn on you and become all uphill again?? maybe it was the fatigue, but that's what it felt like, back uphill. WTF??? finally, the descent came and i flew it in to the Circle K to meet Marina with my car. she rolled up and looked at me in amazement, in disbelief that i'd been out there riding all day. well, not all day...

TOTAL RIDE TIME: 9 hours
ACTUAL RIDE TIME: 7:27

ok, so i stopped A LOT. and maybe this helped me get through the mileage without much incident or pain or cramps or gastro distress, but 9 HOURS??? this is not good people!!! i got 2 months left to dial this in, and i feel like i wasted this ride by not pushing it. climbs or no climbs, I KNOW I COULDA KNOCKED THIS OUT MUCH FASTER!!! so am i hear to take pics or ride?? from now on, no more camera. no wait, i just can't leave the camera at home. ok, how 'bout no more than 10 pics per ride?? no wait, 2 pics per hour?? awe crap...

I KNOW BETTER THAN THIS
DISTANCE ISN'T ENOUGH.
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE EFFORT.

TIME.TO.STEP.IT.UP.

i'd have another chance Sunday....

didn't get home from the desert 'til about 11:30 Saturday night, and finally to bed by midnight. y'all know how i feel about sleep, so i planned to get my 8 full hours and get to the beach by 10:00 for the swim/run brick.

for this week's ocean swim, i was joined by the lovely Miss Yanti!! i coached Yanti to run her first marathon a few years back, and she's since run 4 more with either me or another coach in our program. is it 4 more or 5 more, Yanti?? all i can say is that this woman is amazing. so giving, a CRAZY TALENTED WRITER, great listener, and infectious with her love for athleticism and taking on new challenges!!! i can't count how many people she's brought to train with me for their first marathon, and she's already got a few of them doing tris. to top it all off...

THIS LADY CAN SWIM!!!!

when we started out, the water was TOTALLY GLASSY with a little current pulling south but very little rip, perfect conditions. we picked the Venice Pier and the El Porto smokestacks to sight off of, and we took off. i've raced with Yanti in the past, and i'm lucky if i see her at all in the water. we said we'd try to trade off pulling and drafting, but i think she was just being nice by not totally smoking my ass out there. our goal was a half hour out or close to the mile turnaround, whichever came first. we had a good clip going, really zoomin' through the water until...

UUUUUUGHH. WHAT'S THIS SHIT??

we hit a really funky, oily brown patch. not like a red tide, but more like some boat dumped their shit right off shore. it looked like we could swim around it, and we did for a few more minutes until we hit another patch, so we decided to turn around and go back as quick as we came. heading back it was more of the same coming at us, oily brown sludge, so at 49 minutes we bagged it, and headed for shore. 49 minutes instead of an hour, so sue me. i'm not gonna contract Cholera just to become an Ironman ya dig?? as we got out, the water was brown and sudsy, and there were all these families innocently bathing in it and enjoying their Easter Sunday. FUCKING GROSS!!! i kept hacking shit up out of my mouth, snot rocketing out my nose, all along the beach to the horror of all the sunbathers, but i wanted that shit OUT.OF.ME. i read somewhere about an old trick surfers use where they gargle with hydrogen peroxide and shoot saline up their noses and in their ears after they've been in the water. basically flush out any orifice where bacteria can settle and make you ill...ok, well maybe not EVERY ORIFICE. ever since, i've carried a small bottle of both in my transition bag for days like this, so we gargled and spat and gargled and hacked and salined and snotted all over that parking lot. kinda sad that it had to come to that....FUCKING POLLUTION.

thumbs down to pollution!!!
it was supposed to be a brick. you know, where you quickly transition from one event to the next?? but noooooooo. i had to gargle, then dry off, then catch up with Yanti while i liberally applied sunscreen all over the bod. has anyone ever taken 30 minutes in transition at Ironman?? i might just set a record.

16 miles. i just needed to run 16 miles including two moderate hills and i'd be done with the long training weekend and onto MY DAY OFF. not knowing how my body would feel after the 100 lazy ass miles the day before, my plan was to run/walk at a 5:1 rather than my typical marathon ratio of 6:1. i was doing great, holding my heart rate at between 155-160, and then i made a FATAL MISTAKE. along the far end of the boardwalk, i came upon the last drinking fountain i'd see for a while. i still had a good 6 ounces of Gatorade Endurance left in the bottle, and i wanted to switch to just plain water for a few miles. not thinking, i quickly gulped down the rest of the Gatorade, rinsed out the bottle, refilled it with water and off i went. now any smart person would have just drank a little bit of the Gatorade and dumped the rest right? yeah, well, NOT THIS GENIUS!!! 30 minutes more of running and the sloshing of the fluids in my stomach and ...OH DAMMIT. here you go, monica, here's that gastro distress you wanted to test out for race day!!! stomach is cramping, no stomach is bubbling, no wait, now it's traveling further south to the bowel region.....now doubling over in pain, i don't think i'm gonna be able to hold it 'til i find a bathroom. this is taking it a little further than just pissing yourself!!! i sat down until i felt like my stomach had settled a little and then continued as gently as possible to the next bathroom about a mile away. even after the pit stop, the last 3 miles were friggin' miserable. once again, some little mistake had totally turned my world upside down. but i finished, holding my pace at just under 11:00 minute miles.

NEXT WEEK:
NO CAMERA
RIDE HARD
THROW THE GATORADE OUT NOT DOWN!!!

SHOUT OUT TO MY HOMEGIRLS!!!

2008-03-24T10:13:00.000-07:00

ok, weekend recap is coming by the end of the day, I PROMISE!!! until then, here's a preview from the weekend that goes out especially to Kim (whose Toga Birthday Party pictures i eagerly await) and Shelley (whose Cuba trip pictures i eagerly await!!). i think we should start a movement, ladies!!!!

here i am, pictured outside my White Trash accommodations at the Sweet Pussy Ranch. oh, and the name of The Ranch isn't any sort of derogatory or personal reference. that's straight up what the place is called, so go figure...perhaps named after one of their nice cats?? many a musician has come here to get away from it all and record the preliminary tracks for their albums. breaks ups, make ups, marriage proposals, and ONE KICK ASS WEDDING all happened on this hallowed ground. babies have been conceived here i'm sure, and at least one outlaw hid out here, but i think i may just be the first triathlete who came on a quest to ride 100 lonely miles...

AND I'M OUT...

2008-03-21T12:04:00.001-07:00

it's friday. no shoots today.

got my morning swim in? - check

car is washed? - check

bike is washed? - check

AC recharged? - check

bills are paid? - um, they can wait 'til monday.

FOOD IS PREPPED - CHECK

just need to stop off at my LBS on my way outta town to have them adjust my new chain. i think when they put it on in a hurry mid-ride saturday, they didn't shorten it enough to compensate for my compact crank. it's been slipping often when i downshift to the small ring in front.

i've been running outta real estate for these long rides and getting really bored with the same old routes, so i'm headed northeast an hour and a half to my friends, Marina and Dave's, spot in the high desert, Yucca Valley. gonna stay overnight and ride my 100 miles through The Valley, Pioneer Town, and Joshua Tree National Park. it'll also be a good opportunity to get some heat acclamation in. there's not much time between now and race day that it will get really warm enough here in the City of Angels to prepare for Brasil, although it'll be fall in Brasil in May, but still warmer than here. gonna ride solo which kinda scares me after the chain incident last saturday, but i'll have my cell phone and my friends will be hangin' out all weekend at their place, so i call call them if i get into any trouble. wish i had time to stop off for a Sound Bath at the Integratron. now that would be the ultimate rejuvenation!!! but alas, i'll head straight homme early tomorrow night to get ready for the hour long ocean swim immediately followed by a 16 mile run that's on the schedule for Easter Sunday. speaking of Easter, my neighbors didn't put any St. Paddy's decorations up, nor is there an inflatable bunny up for sunday. nothin'. i should probably go check on them and make sure they're alive before i leave...

lastly, an update on my nutrition or lack thereof: I'M GOIN' PALEO. inspired by Bolder and some other athletes out there including COACH who's done it and felt results, i ordered the book, and it should arrive monday. not doing it to lose weight per se, just feeling the need to eat cleaner these last two months and hopefully feel the results in my efforts and in my ability to recover quickly. i just can't keep asking my body to do this day in and day out and sometimes twice a day and then recover in less than 24 hours without feeding it the cleanest fuel. i don't put anything lower than 89 octane in my '95 Volvo mom wagon, so why would i feed anything less to my own 36 year old body??? i'm a little concerned about the "lag time" before i feel the results. i've read that Joe Friel himself felt like shit on a stick for about the first two weeks when he made the switch, but then really reaped the benefits. i'll be patient, and hopefully it pays off. anyone wanna impart their own experiences???

HAPPY EASTER WEEKEND TO YOU ALL!!!

PSA: DON'T BE A DUMBASS LIKE ME!!

2008-03-20T22:55:00.000-07:00

so last night i had a small brick on the schedule. it was small in distance but big on intensity at least for the run portion. i was supposed to ride 25 miles in upper zone 2 while maintaining 90 rpm. no sweat right? then right off the bike i was supposed to run 7 miles AT SLIGHTLY FASTER THAN RACE PACE. crazy thing is, i don't even know what my race pace is for Ironman. i mean, i know what my race pace is for a straight foot race marathon, but not an Ironman marathon. i just have no idea how the swim and bike fatigue will slow me down and by how much. and then i was supposed to run SLIGHTLY FASTER than that?? so i picked a heart rate zone of about 170 which is definitely in my zone 3. let's see if i can hold it there. AND I DID!!! that came out to just under 9:00 miles, definitely slightly faster than any marathon pace i've ever kept. SUCCESS RIGHT???

i always tell my runners that i coach that the strength of my coaching style is that i've done everything wrong so that they don't have to. really, EVERYTHING from not eating breakfast before a long run to showing up for a 14 miler STILL DRUNK from the night before. THAT.WAS.NOT.PRETTY.PEOPLE. oh, and lest we forget the time i ran a half mary in BRAND NEW SHOES i bought the day before? NOT.PRETTY.EITHER. so last night after my brick, i added another one to the list of "don't do what i did" or better yet "do what i DIDN'T DO."

i definitely pushed it on the brick. COACH warned that while the distance for some workouts would stay short, the intensity would increase. so short was the brick that i came home and was delighted that i still had nearly two hours before i needed to get to bed to get up and do this crap all over again!! so i made a mad dash for THE BATHTUB. oh what luxury, what decadence to actually be able to soak my body and read some trash magazines for a second. i sat there for over an hour reading all about Nicole and the new baby, the Jolie-Pitts, of course Miss Tragique herself, Brittany, and much much more. then IT HIT ME. i started to feel woozy, a little light headed, and my stomach started to retch on itself. UH.OH...

if there's one thing i THOUGHT i'd learned in training, it's that nutrition is the 4th event. no wait, transition is the 4th event, nutrition is the 5th?? you know what i'm gettin' at. and just as important as pre-fueling, and fueling while in the effort, YOU'VE GOT TO REPLENISH TO RECOVER QUICKLY AND BE ABLE TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. so in my haste to get in the tub and soak, i hadn't eaten A THING. there i was in the bathtub feeling light headed and starting to tremble uncontrollably. luckily my mom had just gotten in from a late work meeting, (yeah, my moms is living with me right now. whole other story for a whole other day on a whole other blog.) so i yelled out to her for help. i needed something in my system quick, so i asked her to bring me a root beer. the quick sugar and carbonation helped stop the trembling enough to where i could get out and lay on my bed, but the damage was done, and then i didn't even know what i COULD eat. so i had some brown rice and my stomach couldn't handle it. it was so empty and then with the quick introduction of the rice, it cramped and seized all which ways. so i went straight to bed and tried to lay still and let my stomach calm down. at about 2am, i woke up hungry and had a small bowl of cereal which felt satisfying and my stomach felt back to normal. but did i learn my lesson???

NOPE.

got up about 6am to shower and then head off to a shoot. in my head, i'd already had breakfast with that bowl of cereal. YEAH, LIKE 5 HOURS AGO!!! and off i went. what i was supposed to shoot at 9am got pushed to 11am, but it could have been anytime in between then all depending on a 3rd party delivery. so i just sat around waiting and reading Going Long in my car, as this was a location shoot with no catering as most of my jobs have. started to shoot around 10:30, and by noon, SAME THING AGAIN. it started to get warm, i started to get woozy again, and it suddenly occurred to me that it'd been 12 HOURS SINCE THAT LAST BOWL OF CEREAL. i had to sit down for a second, then take some last shots, and then bolt out of there as fast as i could and FIND FOOD. oh joy, no cash in wallet. FIND BANK THEN FIND FOOD. and by the time i ate, the stomach cramped again. it's now 11:30pm, and although i've eaten small amounts all afternoon since the most recent brain fart, the cramps are still holding on.

is this the gastro distress they talk about at Ironman?? could i be so stupid as to let this happen to me all the way in Brasil?? could i really be so absent minded as to let this happen to me on the big day?? i would hope not, but look how distracted i got over a bathtub and a People Magazine!!!! i can only hope to keep my head in the game and never let this happen again. after all, i've never again run a half mary in brand new shoes OR run 14 miles while still drunk. so do as i say and NOT AS I DO....

EAT RIGHT
EAT OFTEN
EAT BEFORE, DURING, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY,

AFTER

HUMP DAY HAIKU!!

2008-03-19T13:30:00.000-07:00

they say you can eat
anything you want, and more.
don't think they meant these...

WEEKEND RECAP: THE OUTLINE

2008-03-19T11:40:00.000-07:00

kinda late to be writing a weekend recap on a wednesday, but St. Paddy's day deserved its own post, and yesterday just got away from me. plus, you all must be waiting on pins n needles for the HUMP DAY HAIKU!!! so i'll give you a brief outline. starting this next week, i gotta be more on top of getting the recaps written by sunday night.

I. SATURDAY
A. Hour Long Ocean Swim
1. weather called for high wind and surf advisories
2. Iron Maiden of Honor, Lesley, joined me but couldn't get out past the surf.
a. i'll cut her some slack since
(1) it was her first ocean swim since last August
(2) she just returned from running The Antarctica Marathon two weeks ago!!!
3. so i swam by myself
a. went out for a half hour as conditions exponentially got worse.
b. on the way back i realized i was stuck in a riptide and not going anywhere.
c. so i just kept swimming in the washing machine of a rip until my hour was up.
(1) that may be the closest i'll get to swimming in one of those endless pools
4. got out about .2 of a mile from where i started
a. felt a little defeated
b. but also felt hardcore for being out there all alone without even a surfer in sight

II. SUNDAY
A. Brick of 70 miles with hills followed by an 8 mile run.
B. The Bike
1. HELLA WINDY!!!
2. had to stop and walk across a ton of sand berms that had formed from the wind on the bike path

3. 17 miles into the ride and just at the base of the PV Loop, MY CHAIN BROKE!!!
a. i have the chain tool but don't know how to use it. DOH!!!
b. a nice man named Andy stopped and showed me how to use the tool.
(1) may Andy be blessed with:
(a) all the best bike kharma from here to eternity
(b) a full head of hair for all of eternity
c. even though it was put back together, Andy wasn't confident that i should ride any further on this chain.
(1) he recommended that i keep it in the small ring and not put any crazy torque on it.
d. so i coasted in the small ring to the closest shop, Triathlon Lab, about 2 miles away.
(1) they weren't open for another hour and a half.
e. so then i coasted to the next tri club sponsor, Helen's Cycles, about another 5 miles away and in the opposite direction.
(1) 15 minutes and about 50 bucks later, i was back in business.

4. finally made it up into PV for some climbing
a. IT WAS SUPER HELLA WINDY!!!
(1) when i came around to the windward side of the peninsula, i felt like:
(a) my bike was gonna do the WWF smackdown onto the road or
(b) i'd just get blown right into oncoming traffic
b. at this point, with the wind, and after the flat, i was DONE.
(1) i could barely maintain about 12mph
(a) so i just kept it spinning and barely held any effort
5. came back down the peninsula and onto the flats to bring it home for the run
a. got some nice micro-dermabrasion to the face from all the sand whipping around on the bike path.
C. The Run
1. still HELLA WINDY and I FORGOT MY SUNGLASSES!!!
2. just tried to focus on keeping about a 160 heart rate
3. more dermabrasion to the legs and eyeballs
4. i could tell i hadn't pushed it on the bike much because:
a. i maintained 9:08 minute miles for 8 miles.
(1) HOLY.SHIT.

that's the outline to my story, and i'm sticking to it...

ERIN GO BRAGH!!!

2008-03-17T13:27:00.000-07:00

funny part is, i'm black and i'm irish, so i can party with the best of 'em!!!

hope you're all sportin' green today. don't make me come over there and pinch your ass...

weekend recap coming soon...

LEARNING TO SAY NO

2008-03-14T12:20:00.000-07:00

this morning i had to make a difficult call. this came after two nights in a row on the trainer 'til midnight. two nights ago it was 2 hours, and last night i had to knock out 3 hours and 20 minutes. my neighbors must look at me through my window and think i'm insane. no wait, they can't see me through the window, CUZ THEY'RE ALL ASLEEP!!! is this really what it's come to?? even with daylight savings and all, there i was on the trainer at midnight, and all the while the anxiety was building...

how the hell am i gonna get it all done??
why did i over extend myself like this??
why am i so eager to jump to attention and please everyone??
didn't they hear me??
why won't they listen??
I'M TRAINING FOR A FRIGGIN' IRONMAN!!!

and that's when i had the epiphany. right there on the trainer at about 2 hours in, as the wheel was spinning, the FIRE CROTCH in full effect and the Tivo in overdrive as i caught up on weeks of past due episodes, i finally broke down and had to admit to myself....

I CAN'T BE IN 3 PLACES AT ONCE.

now this Ironman training has certainly taken my endurance to another level. i'm, stronger, i'm even a little faster, and sometimes it feels like i can be in 2 places at once, but 3 is pushing it, people.

so i made the call, and i had to say NO.

it was the hardest call i've had to make in a long while. i said NO to a really amazing opportunity that hopefully hasn't passed me up for good, but if i can't fully commit and do it the right way, i don't wanna do it the half-ass way, and that's what i was looking at. i said NO, and i may have disappointed some people, even myself a little, but mostly for not being realistic about my time in the first place and setting some boundaries. you just have no idea how this Ironman will consume your life. sure they try to warn you in the books, at the lectures. "training for an Ironman is like having a second job." but you still just have no idea until you're in it...

i said NO. and it's ok.