TRIATHLETES ARE LIKE ANTS:
so i've got ants. they've been lingering about a month now, and no amount of talking will get them out. you see, i can't kill bugs, which becomes a problem when you live in a woodsy neighborhood like mine. every time i get in the shower, i check for spiders and do my best to escort them out the door without drowning them down the drain. but the ants started in on my clif shot blox, and that's where i had to draw the line!!!
cut to this afternoon. some nondescript dude from terminix shows up between the hours of 1pm-3pm. not as bad as the phone or cable company for sure, but there goes that swim i was hoping to get in!! he's kinda weird, kinda snarky, kinda no-nonsense, doesn't seem to wanna make eye contact at all. i show him where the ants are trailing in the kitchen and then through the wall to the bathroom and then from the bathroom to the garage, but i'm embarrassed to open the door to the garage. he says, "that's ok. i don't do garages." ok, sure dude, handle your business. and off he goes, spraying the perimeter of the house first and then coming back in with some weird caulking gun of poison to "spot treat" the areas i've pointed out (except of course for the garage). he's pretty much ignoring me as he goes about his business, and i'm happy to check emails until his work is done. all of a sudden he comes out of my bedroom, and without much change in his monotone voice and still no eye contact, he asks, "so when's your next big race?" to which i reply, "well, vineman was my last "a" race this season, so i'm pretty much taking it easy the rest of the season 'til i run the new york mara..." wait a minute!!! how does this dude know i race?? turns out he saw my transition bag sitting on the floor in my room and the stack of competitor magazines in the bathroom and he deduced that i was a triathlete. great, now i can't get the dude to shut up!! and why can't he be cute???
it's funny how we seek each other out with the dead giveaways (mdot tatts and bumper stickers, bike racks, etc.). every time i see a bumper sticker on a car, i'm so quick to speed up and check out who's driving. maybe they'll see my usat sticker on my car and know i'm one of them? ok, well, not an ironman yet, but a triathlete all the same. we should start some secret society handshake, something like a "ro-sham-bo" of the hands to signify swim, bike, and run. i mean we pretty much have our own language already and are ready and willing to share even the most intimate and gross details of our bodily functions anytime anywhere. awe hell, let's just take over like the ants already!!