IRON SHITHEAD

i felt a lot better today after a good night's sleep. still a little light headed and a slight funk in my throat, but i felt fine for tonight's run, so that's a good sign. but being a little stressed and a little under the funk is no excuse to be an asshole to the ones i love.

tonight on my way to drive to the bowl to knock out my 5 miler, out of the blue, my car won't start. ironically, not an hour and a half earlier, i pulled into my driveway while on the phone with my auto mechanic who i happen to be coaching to run his first marathon in June. car was running fine. no problems, and now it simply won't start. it's not a dead battery cuz i didn't hear the "click of death," but for whatever reason, it's just not kicking over. i called Fabian back, as if after shop hours he was magically going to tell me something that would magically make it start. he didn't. it didn't. he says it could be a bunch of things, but maybe the spark plugs, maybe the fuel line.

YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME. NOT NOW. I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS.

just then Iron maiden of Honor, Lesley, called. she sounded so happy as her man is in town and she wanted to know if i had any recommendations for a good seafood restaurant. i kinda snapped at her that i couldn't even think about that cuz my car wouldn't start and i needed to get a 5 mile run in. she awkwardly said, "well, call me if there's anything i can do to help." yeah, sure, like she hasn't done enough to help me just about every weekend when i've used her apartment as t1 for my brick workouts or even stayed over the weekend to do a series of long workouts and ocean swims. and yeah, i'm gonna call her in the middle of her date to come clear across town and help my with my stupid ass car. she is too good to me, and she didn't deserve my snappy tone.

it seems silly to drive somewhere just to knock out 5 miles, but my neighborhood lies on a ravine and most streets are too steep to get a nice flat run in. in the end, i plotted out a course and left from my house with a short warm up walk down to the end of the block and then across my neighborhood where i just had to do 3 loops or a few blocks to keep it flat, no big deal. came home and car still wasn't starting. ok, i'll have to deal with having it towed to the shop on my way to get my swim workout in. maybe rent a car. do what i gotta do...

then tonight after i'm showered and starting to make myself some dinner, my sister calls. i had called her earlier to say happy birthday to my niece. i can't believe she is 13. they grow up so fast!!! my sister was kinda rambling on and on about her patients and her new car and how she's working so much she's barely home, and i just had to cut her off. i adore my sister, and i admire her for busting her ass to raise my niece on her own and all the hours she spends taking care of other people's ailing family members just to take care of her own. she says she's working 100 hours a week right now!! i work AND train for Ironman, and i don't even put 100 hours in a week!!! when does she see my niece?? crazy thing is, i don't even think my sister understands what i do for a living or what a triathlon is let alone an Ironman. she never really asks about what i do, nor do i think she could really comprehend it. our realities are just that different and disconnected, and that kinda makes me sad. so i had to cut her off. i said,"listen, i really gotta go now. i need to be in bed in like an hour, and i have so much to do before then." i could tell by the tone in her voice that she was put off by my line of crap. she didn't deserve that either, but I REALLY NEED TO SLEEP.

so tomorrow, in the midst of me getting my car towed, renting a car, getting to the pool, getting to A REALLY IMPORTANT TEST SHOOT, and then back home to cycle 40 miles before i head to my evening class clear across town, i need to stop and make two phone calls, not emails, PHONE CALLS, and tell two people i love and who i know would walk to the ends of the earth for me, that I'M SORRY I WAS SUCH AN ASSHOLE. no matter that there's 17 days left. no matter that i have a shit ton of crap to still buy and pack AND still get training in. none of that gives me a free pass to treat anyone i love with anything less than the respect they deserve, and i'm counting on y'all to do me a solid and keep my ass in check...