HUMP DAY HAIKU: NOT!!!

ATTENTION: we interrupt this regularly scheduled entry because someone tagged my ass. DOH!! so here goes:

the rules:

• Link to the person who tagged you
• Post the rules on your blog.
• Share seven random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog.
• Tag seven random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
• Leave a comment on their blogs so that they know they have been tagged.

the random/weirdness:

1. i saved up the entire summer before 8th grade babysitting and working junior lifeguard to go see the Prince Purle Rain tour. the 9th row floor seat cost me $90. then i fainted in the two words of the first song ("Dearly Beloved") and was escorted away until my mom came to pick me up.
   
2. at age 7, part of my left femur was removed due to a cyst that grew from the inside, shattering the bone. they took a part of my hip bone to graft the femur back together
3. if you think #2 sounds scary, they first considered amputation.
4. i've been bitten by a shark and a seal. trust me, the seal was way worse.
5. i play the drums
6. i have 5 tattoos
7. i have broken every finger on my right hand thanks to years of playing soccer (i played goalie).

the suckers:

• Tea
• Allez
• Newbie Triathlete
• TriFathlete
• Little Miss Runner Pants
• (The Newly Tan) Spandex King
• Lance Notstrong (cuz he hasn't posted a race report yet.)

WEEKEND RECAP: THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME

well, ladies and gents, there's really no recap, because i didn't get shit done this weekend. but i'm home now. back to my own bed, and BACK TO REGULARLY SCHEDULED TRAINING.

i did manage to pull a 10 miler out of my ass last night when i arrived at my last hotel for the trip. i thought for sure after driving 3 hours from Monterey back to S.F. that i'd be toast, but it was the bellman of all people who got me all fired up. we got to talking about Ironman (big surprise) and next thing i know, he's brought all the gear up to my room and talked me into a frenzy and i'm all fired up to go out for a run and see what i can do. so i did. and i could do 10 miles. not the 15 that were on the schedule, but 10 beats hitting that hotel bed and calling room service. i ended up doing that after the 10 miles anyway so go figure.

flew home today and had hoped to get right on the bike, but work reared its ugly head and i got stuck on the phone 'til about 4pm. so i suited up anyway and rode the SHORTEST RIDE EVAH. 5.6 miles to my LBS to pick up some more tubes and co2 cartridges. i didn't even break a sweat but MAN DID IT FEEL GOOD TO BE BACK ON MY BIKE!!! like Iron God said, i will never forsake the bike again. i'm even thinking of naming it which i always saw as really lame, right along with throwing your dog a birthday party. it's a bike. it's a dog. but at this point in training, i think it may be time to christen the fucker with some sort of name and make this deal official. any suggestions??

and lastly, i thought this was really funny and most telling. a top search query that lead to my blog reads as follows:

" i just wanna let you know this situation leaves me out of breath"

EXACTLY.

FRIDAY NIGHT CONFESSIONAL

me: "forgive me Iron God, for i have sinned. it's been 48 hours since my last workout and these WERE NOT PLANNED OFF DAYS. it may be another 72 hours before i can get back to a substantial routine"

IRON GOD: "what happened my child?"

me: "well, i'm on the road and without my bike. on top of that, it's raining on the road and my shoot hours have been insane. THEY HAVE WORKED US LIKE DOGS EVERY DAY. as far as training goes, that leaves just two things to do every day. i mean how many ways can you variate swim and run before it gets tired?? i'll tell you, Iron God, about 4 days. first it's morning swim, evening run on the treadmill. oh, and the Presidio YMCA has the most retarded dreadmill system EVAH. there's a 30 minute limit and you have to reserve one in advance. WTF?? and 30 minutes isn't gonna get me through the 7 miles i need to do. i actually had to get off of one after 30 minutes and then reserve another one to knock out the second half. hello, anyone heard of first come first serve??? then it's morning weights followed by evening 3000 yd./6 mile brick. i never realized how lost i'd be trying to navigate through a new weight room. next morning it's the run again followed by an evening swim. by the 4th day, Iron God, i'd fallen from grace. i skipped the morning thing cuz i just needed to sleep. no problem. i'd pack it all into an evening brick again. our shoot was so insane that day that by the time i rolled up to the gym, i needed a nap before i could go in there again. i just couldn't face that dreadlmill one more time, ya know?? so i started to put the seat down and was seriously going to take a nap in the parking lot of the gym when i realized i was toast, BURNT TOAST. so i called my buddy Joe for a pep talk. turns out Joe just got dumped that afternoon and wanted to drink. oh, Iron God, how quickly we fall, spiraling, spiraling, burning to the ground...."

Iron God: "and that's when you bought the two bottles of wine?"

me: "oh, you noticed that huh?"

IG: "i see everything my child..."

me: "oh, Iron God, what have i done? it was a great bottle of wine though!!! i mean look at the label. IT WAS CALLING ME!!!"


me: "and then i just hit rock bottom. we ate and drank and watched Netflix movies. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE I ACTUALLY STOPPED TO WATCH AN ENTIRE MOVIE WITHOUT SITTING ON A BIKE TRAINER?? and oh man, was it a perfectly great downer of a punk documentary about one of my all-time favorite godfather of punk bands..."

IG: "yeah, that's a pretty epic flick, and then you made it a double feature with this one."

me: "oh, you caught that too?"

IG: "again, i see EVERYTHING, my child. wanna explain the munchies incident?"

me: "i'm so ashamed..."

IG: "anything else you want to share?"

me: "why?? you see everything don't you?"

IG: "why yes, my child, i do. even the 4 course meal complete with wine pairings for each course at that great little French place in Carmel."

me: "can you really blame me for that one?"

IG: "no way. good food is good food, especially when someone else is paying..."

me: "EXACTLY."

IG: "so tell me, my child. just how bad do you want this Ironman?"

me: "oh Iron God, I WANT THIS SO BAD, but it's hard to keep a straight line all the time, especially on the road. now i know how all those adulterous rock stars must feel. i have forsaken my bike, i know. please, please, Iron God, i'm begging you, what can i do to still make it to Iron Heaven?? you name it, i'll do it."

IG: "first, i want you to STOP FREAKING OUT. whatever you can't get in, you can't get in. you gotta move on and keep your eyes on the prize. next, never EVER EVER take your bike for granted again. every ride from here on out, you must love that bike and ride that bike to it's fullest potential. that doesn't mean ride fast or ride hard, but MAKE EVERY MILE COUNT"

me: "i got it. EVERY. MILE. WILL. COUNT. anything else?"

IG: "CORE EVERY NIGHT IN YOUR HOTEL ROOM."

me: "of course, of course. CORE. what else?"

IG: "well you tell me..."

me: "ok, ok, i've had impure thoughts."

IG: "i'm listening.."

me: "well, i daydreamed about daydreaming and snuggling up on the couch on a sunday while watching an all-day marathon of Project Runway."

IG: "yes..."

me: "and i've been plagued by envy. i'm pissed off that everyone in my tri club, everyone in the entire state of California, will be at the finish line to watch the final Crit stage of the Tour of Califorinia, when it's just 2 miles from my house, but i'll still be far far away on the road..."

IG: "first, there'll be no time for daydreaming or any all-day tv marathons, so just get over that one right now."

me: "you could just tell me who wins..."

IG: " i could, but then i'd have to kill you. now that won't get you to Ironman will it? besides, that's what Tivo is for. second, envy is one of the seven deadliest sins. how many of those fools going to the Tour are gonna be Ironmen come May? let's talk about envy then...SACRIFICES, MY CHILD"

me: "yeah, you're so right. ok, no more envy, no more daydreaming. what else?"

IG: "and don't you ever EVER again doubt yourself. don't doubt that you can do this. never doubt that YOU WILL ROCK."

me: "no more doubt. NO. MORE. DOUBT."

IG: "is that it, my child? is there anything else i can help answer for you?"

me: "well, maybe you can, Iron God. you see, i've been REALLY GASSY lately..."

IG: "sorry, can't help you there, my child....whoever smelt it dealt it"

I'M ALIVE (I THINK)

well, i made it through the weekend. the 65/10 brick went amazingly well, and i managed to maintain sub 10 minute miles for the run portion after a pretty hilly ride. said goodbye to the bike sunday and flew up to S.F. where i started my NorCal training week at the Presidio YMCA Pool yesterday morning before my shoot. i was scheduled to do my first timed swim to see how many yards i could get in while swimming continuously for 1 hr. seeing as i can't keep track of all those laps in my head, and i don't have any fancy lap counter thangy, i broke it into 500's and ticked off my splits on my watch. it was great to do it that way to see how consistent i could be or how tired i got towards the end, and it broke down to something like this:

500 #1 - 9:11.2 (nice warm up)
500 #2 - 8:56.9 (now we're talkin')
500 #3 - 10:47.9 (musta been the split where i "had words" with the lady doing circle swim with us)
500 #4 - 8:52.2 (back in my groove)
500 #5 - 9:31.1 (are we done yet??)
500 #6 - 9:36.2 (really, i'm kinda done now)
150 - 3:10 (I.SAID.DONE.)

1 hr. continuous swim = 3150 yards.

and still, i really have no idea what that means, so i'll just keep pluggin' along in the water, thanks.

so far, i've managed to get myself around town, to and from the gym, to the studio for our shoot, and back to the gym at night for the second workout of the day. sadly though, i just found out today that we won't be getting home this weekend, but instead i'll head to Moneterey to shoot another project on saturday and sunday. then monday is a full travel day back home. another shoot starts tuesday through thursday, so i've pretty much lost my weekend long ride or any opportunity to make it up before the next week's long stuff. no worries. training can't be perfect all the time, and so far, it's been pretty awesome, so to miss one weekend's long workout won't be the end of the world. just gotta hop right back in as soon as i can and keep on keepin' on....

oh, and thanks to everyone for all their advice on my "gasiness." funny thing is that i don't eat any of those things y'all mentioned, no cliff bars, luna bars, zone, balance, none of that. never have. they're like lead weights in my stomach. still can't figure out what's causing it, but until i do, you don't wanna be downwind o' me if ya know what i mean....

PUT A FORK IN ME

cuz I'M.DONE.

as you may have noticed, today marks the end of triple digits on the Polar countdown watch. i'm down to 99 DAYS PEOPLE!!! yep, this is the month that i feared. work has now picked up to full speed ahead for '08 right along with the month that COACH said we'd be turning up the volume on training. the last two days have been full 10 hour shoot days not including the ridiculous amount of time spent in my car commuting to and from said shoots, so i guess you can tack on an extra 3 hours each day for that nonsense. that's where i gotta say, L.A. straight up sucks ass. where else does it take a friggin' hour and a half to go 15 miles? i can get there quicker on my bike!!!

yesterday was spent lugging equipment up and down stairs (which was just wonderful for the shoulder injury), so i didn't feel so bad about missing my golf swim or the 7 mile endurance run. not that i'm ok with missing any training, but after the physical day i had with work, it more than made up for it. it's TIT FOR TAT TRAINING i suppose. i feel worse if i miss a bike day, since that's the weakest of my 3 events. luckily, today's call time wasn't until 10:30 this morning. PERFECT!! i could get up at 5:45, hop on the trainer and ride for 2 hours, then go help with picking up props and be to the studio in plenty of time. all i had to do tonight was my weights session on my way home, so i had my gym bag packed and ready in the back of my ride. yeah, that all sounds like a solid plan 'til you realize that a 10:30am call time means an 8:30pm wrap out if you're lucky. and we weren't lucky. the talent was only 16 years old, so the on-set tutor kept imposing these half hour study breaks to make our day even longer. standing all day in my socks on a concrete soundstage didn't help my calves either. so i bagged the weights session, and now i'm home trying to get a little relief stretch in, then get to bed and get 8 hours before i head out for my 65 mile bike/ 10 mile run brick that's on the schedule for tomorrow. i'd gladly just switch out the brick to sunday and get my long swim done tomorrow instead, but i've got to catch a plane sunday for a week of shooting in S.F. it's gonna be like this pretty much through to the middle of March, so no time to feel sorry for myself. as Greyhound would put it, it's time to HTFU and GET IT DONE!!!

oh, and i'm gassy these days. what's that all about???

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

NOT!!!


yuck, phooey, blah....


VOM.IT.

HUMP DAY HAIKU!!

Pandora's Box: the back of my wagon

just when you feel like
there's nothing more you could need
there's more crap to buy

ALERT THE MEDIA!!! MONICA ACTUALLY WENT ON A DATE LAST NIGHT!!

THE ITALIAN called Sunday as i was laying on the couch trying to recover from the crazy weekend of training. this is THE ITALIAN i met at a dear college friend's wedding in NYC last May. and by ITALIAN, i don't mean Italian American. we're talkin' ITALIAN FROM ITALY, LIVES IN ROME, ITALIAN. oy vey.... or should i say, mamma mia...

he's in L.A. for work (he's an architect), and had called the bride and groom for my number. he actually wanted to take me out to dinner that very Sunday night, but seeing as i could not move anything from the waist down, and because i have a rule that you gotta work a little harder for me than calling for dinner the same night (sorry, i don't care if you are ITALIAN and only in town for a minute), we made plans for last night instead. i met him at his hotel in Beverly Hills. red flag i know, but worse than how i couldn't move, y'all know how training for Ironman can make you fall behind on the house work. there was no way i was going to let an Italian architect through the doors of my filthy ramshackle of a tear down disguised as a fixer upper of a house only to then have his leg humped by my two filthy and misbehaved dogs. yeah, um, no, i'll pick you up at your hotel....

we went to dinner at BLD which i'd been wanting to try for a while, and i let him order for both of us. there's nothing sexier in my book than a man who can order food!!! we shared small plates and a bottle of Spanish red while we rehashed meeting at the wedding. i thought it was all the bride's doing, but it turns out that he asked her who i was. he said he had thought of me often since then and was sorry he hadn't contacted me sooner. ok, now i'm blushing!! since i hadn't seen him or spoken to him since the wedding, i had no idea how we'd get on. i feel like such a bore to most with all my talk of Ironman. really, that's about all i've got goin' on right now, and who wants to talk about that all night?? but he was totally impressed, and being that he's Italian, we talked on and on about cycling and him growing up riding a bike in the Tuscany countryside. it made me want to go back to Italy so bad!!! we went on about photography, family, architecture, food, politics, you name it. we didn't shut up for two seconds, and next thing you know, we'd closed the place down. i asked if we could go by and take a look at his building. turns out there was a crew there working on an overnight treatment to the steel facade. i could tell it was torture for him to just drive by, and next thing you know, we're out of the car, his jacket is off, sleeves are rolled up and he's ordering the crew around and running cables to draw more power. ok, now i think i'm falling hard!!

i didn't know where the night was headed or what his intentions were. either way, he was certain to get the 3rd degree from our bride and groom friends just like they gave me when i was in town for the marathon in November!! turns out he's now relocated to NYC from Rome and asked if i'd be getting to the Big Apple anytime soon. sorry dude, i'm not going anywhere 'til after Brasil in May. he invited me to stop off in NYC to celebrate on my way back home. careful bro, don't poor it on too thick too quick!!! his next project is in Vegas where he'll probably spend the majority of his time through the rest of the year. he hoped i'd be able to come out to visit or if he had any free time, make it back to L.A. hmmmmmm???? guess who's got a half Ironman in Vegas in April??? he was thrilled. said he'd make sure to be in Vegas for the race and couldn't wait to see me in action, and if i could still walk, i had to promise to go dancing with him afterwards to celebrate. he remembers how we danced at the wedding......CAN SOMEONE PINCH ME???

so now it's the next day and back to training reality. i've got a slight hangover from the bottle of Spanish red we shared, and i definitely fell off my 8 hours of sleep routine (and that's all i'm sayin' 'bout that). it's nearly 1pm now, and i have yet to get either one of my two workouts in which includes another 1k time trial swim. how'd i let this guy get me off track in one night??
guess we have a new character to add to Miss Monica's dating debacles: THE ITALIAN. he now joins Mr. Creepy Mc Creeperson, Mr. Totally Opposite but Totally Rad, and oh, let's not forget Mr. Ex-Boyfriend who just called the other day to let me know he's moving back to Cali. when it rains it pours i guess....

WEEKEND RECAP: I'M A CENTURIST

cen•tur•ist |ˈsen ch (ə)rist|
noun ( pl. -rists)
1 one who has completed a 100 mile journey by way of bicycle
not to be confused with "centrist" or "censure"

it's official. i've now completed a century ride. and btw, i totally made that word up.


i drove out to Palm Springs friday with Sinta, my dear friend from way back in the early marathon days who is also a triathlete now and training for IMAZ#1. Iron Maidens, Cindy and Juliet, were driving up later and staying at Cindy's parents' house. Sinta and i were all set to stay the night with our old running coach, Vic Gainer, who was also excited to be signed up for the 10 mile ride (his longest ride EVAH). we had a blast catching up on old marathon training days and convincing Sinta that she's ready to go for Boston. Vic is retired and hasn't run in over 6 years since his hip replacement, so he really lights up when he gets the chance to talk about running and hear what we're up to now. he was my mentor, giving me my first opportunity to coach, and for this i will be eternally grateful. everything i know about how to coach and how to get people to the marathon finish line, i learned from Vic Gainer. we ogled over his medal collection and scoured all his old books and articles. then he found a box that stores all his old Runner's World training calendars!! he showed us his best year, 1986, the year he ran a 3:09 at Berlin, and talked about his typical weekly mileage as well as essential days off. after our slumber party of running talk, i could see that Sinta had the spark in her eye for marathon again, and after IMAZ, i think she'll be more than ready!!!

earlier in the week, i'd gotten a call from my Brasil roomie and fellow tri club member, Oliver. he said he wasn't able to drive out until the morning of the ride, and would i be able to pick up his bracelet at packet pick up. "sure, no problem" i said. then he asked "so do you want to ride together?" um, yeah, don't think you're gonna wanna drag along with me, Oli, but thanks anyway. but he explained that he really wasn't gonna go all out. in fact he was planning to ride his SINGLE SPEED for a "bit of a challenge." WTF??? so this is what shows up to pick up his bracelet on ride morning...


Oli's single speed caper...
these, ladies and gents, are the legs of a Kona competitor. in fact these legs placed 6th in their age group at IMAZ '07 with a time of 10:06 which qualified these legs to go to Kona and finish in 10:15 after suffering TWO FLATS ON SEW UPS. these legs rode this single speed saturday over 100 miles because he just "wanted a challenge." how rad does this bike look with the paint job all stripped?? so these legs started out with little ol' me 'til about mile 5 when we got out of the cluster fuck of kooks tripping over their own faces and eating shit on road cones, and that's when i told Oli not to wait for me anymore. he went on and eventually caught up with MACCA!!! yep, Macca, triathlon's favorite son, was out there as well. sorry, Bold, looks like he's flown the coop from Boulder for some Sunny SoCal training months. he's also been spotted at my massage therapist's office, and don't think i haven't plotted how to schedule an appointment and run into him. i'm not a star fucker or anything... i'm just sayin'. so Oliver rode along with Macca and crew, and as usual, Macca was a totally humble dude, asking Oliver how his day at Kona went and hoped he'd see him there again this year. but i digress....back to the legs.....these legs will be sharing the same room with me, sleeping in a bed right next to mine, at IM Brasil, and while these legs have a girlfriend around which i'm sure these legs are wrapped tightly, i think i'm gonna be more nervous about sharing a room with Oli than the actual Ironman itself!!! hold it together Monica!!!

after the legs and i separated coming outta town at mile 5 or so, i was pretty much on my own as Sinta was way the hell ahead of me riding in a pace line with her fellow tri club riders. Iron Maiden Juliet was somewhere behind me, and Cindy was only doing the 55 miler. the next 10 miles was a gradual uphill grade to the first SAG stop at mile 16. this proved to be not as flat as i had expected but not impossible either. i just put it in the small gear and spun, trying to remind myself that this wasn't a race, and being it was my first century, i should just take it easy and get through the distance. the desert terrain was absolutely beautiful, with Mt. Baldy to the west and Joshua Tree park to the north. yep, another day to be reminded of how rad it is here in SoCal!! coming outta the first SAG stop came the first downhill, and i couldn't help myself. i just flew. it was so friggin' fun!!! for the next 35 miles or so we had rollers and some good descents. i passed up the next SAG stop as i just didn't feel like stopping. i didn't need to pee, and i pretty much had all my nutrition on me as i was trying to take this opportunity to once again practice nutrition for the big day. on one descent i passed a guy parked on the side of the road who looked to be waiting for someone else. he screamed out "whooooooa!!!!" and when he caught up to me later he says "man, you're flying!!!" ok, i have to admit, that felt kinda cool.

coming into the mile 50 SAG stop we had the longest descent of the ride, maybe 5 miles of downhill. everyone was just coasting it except for a few 3-4 person pace lines. it was pretty funny to watch the reaction on the faces of these super tricked out guys as i flew by them. i guess i just wanna make up for how friggin' slow i am on the uphill, and i'm not nearly as afraid to fly on the downhill as i used to be. at one point i clocked 36.4 mph which is not as fast as the 41mph i clocked at the People Powered Metric Century back in October. still though, i was breaking the speed limit!!! if only Ironman was all downhill....

50 miles down. halfway there. i'm feelin' ok. i think i can do this.

coming out of the mile 50 SAG stop, the surroundings were a little more suburban and ugly for a few miles. i was keeping neck and neck with a pace line that had formed when one guy said "what are you doing over there?? just jump in with us!!" i've never ridden in a pace line, never really saw the benefits of it if i can't draft in a triathlon, especially not an Ironman. so i explained this to him when another guy sarcastically shouted out "oh noooo. she's a traithlete. she's got fancy AEORBARS!!!" but the first guy said "who cares. jump in." i was kinda shocked at how nice he was. cyclists, at least LA cyclists, have the worst dickhead reputations, so i figured he must be hitting on me. so naturally, I JUMPED IN. all i can say is HOLY SHIT HOLD ON!!!! these guys pulled me through the next 10 miles holding 21-22mph like it was nothing. i couldn't believe how fast i was going. unfortunately, we were also passing through some of the prettiest parts of the course, past date farms with rows and rows of gorgeous palms, but we were flying so fast, i couldn't reach for my camera or risk taking someone else out just to get a pic. finally after about 10 miles at this pace and never moving to the front to pull, i realized i was gonna do myself in if i kept it up, so i bid farewell and dropped off the back only to watch them disappear onto the horizon. thanks dudes....

coming into the mile 70 SAG stop it was about 80 degrees out now, and my feet were ON FIRE!!! i had to peel my toe warmers and socks off just to get some relief. i figured Oli was done by now and i oughta check in with him, so i gave him a call. yep, sure enough, the guy killed it on his single speed in something like 5 hours or a little less. INSANE. i told him not to wait for me, but he said he'd go out for a "little run" and come back by 2:00 when i should be done. aaaah, the life of a Kona champ. so now the pressure was on to finish this mother and get to have a beer with the legs at the end!!! i took off out of the SAG stop looking towards another good sized climb, and by now it was 80 degrees. no worries, just spin it. you'll do fine. another fun descent through a neighborhood and back out on to some more stop 'n' go signals through various Palm Springs neighborhoods. at one stop a guy said to me "hey your back tire is looking REALLY low." SHIT. ok, let me get somewhere where i can stop and cess the situation. coming around the next corner i nearly fishtailed out from the low tire nearly coming off the rim, taking about 3 other cyclists with me, but i caught myself before i went down and nobody else went down either. i added a whole cannister of CO2 and it looked like it would hold, but as soon as my 21.1% fat ass got back on the saddle, it looked low still. do i go back to the last SAG stop or keep on to the next one, and how far is the next one?? FUUUUUCK!!!!

so i powered through to the next and last SAG stop at mile 90. nothing like 15 miles with extra resistance from a low tire. i called Oliver, who was now done with his 50 mile ultra marathon. he couldn't wait anymore because he had to get back to town to pick up his other bike from the shope for the DUATHLON he was racing the next morning. again, WTF??? the guy's an animal with great legs, and i get to stare at them for a whole week in sexy Brasil. how's that for motivation??

at this point, i just did not want to deal with the back tire at all. there were even bike mechanics who could do it for me, but there was a line, and i was only 12 miles from being done, so i grabbed a pump from their tent and said if i could get it to hold 120psi, i would just power through. i could hear a slight hiss, but i did get it to hold 120, so i crossed my fingers that it would hold out for the last leg. lazy or impatient or just plain stupid?? you make the call. at this point, i'd been having a great ride, i wasn't really in any significant pain save for my burning feet that felt like someone had shoved my toenails back with a mallet, and i was ready to EAT REAL FOOD. so i powered along with the rest of a clump of riders through the stop 'n' go of the next 12 miles. one woman in particular just started to get on my last goddamn nerve with her"on your left!!" and "slowing!!" and "sand!" calls out to the group and her stupid little handlebar bell (those things oughta be outlawed). she was also riding a triple crank and passing me on every climb. i guess i was starting to get a little negative from the miles, but i just wanted to clock her and say "YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!" instead i decided to throw down the hammer and leave her in the dust. if i could just beat her through one light, i'd be done with her, but she kept catching up. finally on one little downhill stretch i found her weakness and my strength as i flew by her and another 3 man pace line. SEE YA, WOULDN'T WANNA BE YA!!!! the 3 guys caught up to me at the next light where one exclaimed "you're looking really good and riding really strong for this late in the mileage!!" ok, i have to admit, that felt kinda good again. i don't remember much of the last 5 miles, but boy did those finish line balloons look mad cool, and there was Iron Maiden Cindy waiting and cheering me on!!! Juliet came in about 10 minutes later. total ride time was 6:24. i know, i know. not very fast for all the shit talkin' i do, but hey, i got weeks and weeks to get faster....

First Century = Done
losses = 1 launched water bottle, 1 gel flask, 1 CO2, 1 tube
gains = knowing i'll probably make the bike cutoff at Ironman

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!!!

i told myself if i could get home from Palm Springs by 9pm and get in bed by 10pm, i'd run the Chinatown Firecracker 5k/10k the next morning. this is a great annual race i try to run, but missed it last year due to travel for work. i wasn't so upset since i heard it rained balls that day, but i really wanted to pick it back up as a tradition this year. it's always in February celebrating Chinese New Year, complete with dragon dancers and the lighting of 100,000 firecrackers to bless the racers and ward off evil spirits. the last time i ran it, i recall my friend Lamar from the tri club running the 5k at 8am, finishing, and then getting back in the corral with us to run the 10k at 8:30. i was in awe. Lamar's one of those ultra marathoner, Ironman freaks of nature like Oliver who does it all and is constantly looking for the next ultra challenge. in fact, look what he has planned to do on the way to IMAZ#1. so when i looked at what coach had planned for me that day, 10 miles, i thought "could i actually run both?" that would make 9.3 miles, not quite 10, but this was a mother shitter of a hilly course, so that would suffice. i took off on the 5k and didn't know how my legs would react after the century ride the previous day. they definitely still felt bricky the first mile, and the course instantly headed uphill which didn't help any, but into the second mile i was able to come into my rhythm. finished the 5k in 27 minutes and some change, and with about a minute to make my way back through the crowd, we were off again for the 10k. NO WAY. there i was doing what i thought Lamar was extreme and crazy for doing in past years!!! i actually pulled it off. for the 10k though, i forced myself to take it super easy and maintain my heart rate at between 160-170 which wasn't easy with the hills. i took planned walk breaks every 4 minutes. it was so hard not to want to compete with others around me, but somehow, i still passed some folks and brought it in at a respectable 1:02 and some more change.

things are cookin' now!!! next weekend ends the long ride saturday followed by the long run sunday routine. i'll start doing long swims saturday followed by a long brick sunday or long swims saturday morning followed by long runs saturday afternoon and long rides sunday. either way, it's all LONG LONG LONG!!!

THIS CALLS FOR AN INTERVENTION

on the 100th day of Christmas, my neighbors put this crazy shit up...
can someone please explain to my neighbors the following rules about decorating the exterior of one's home:

1. dude, CHRISTMAS IS OVER. in fact, even if you follow the rule that Christmas decorations get to stay up until the religious holiday of The Epiphany, you still only get 'til January 6th.
2. it's friggin' February now. if it's late enough into the new year that you can't say "Happy New Year" anymore, that might be another indication that IT'S TIME TO TAKE THE CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS DOWN.
3. Don't try to extend your Christmas decorations be adding hearts to them and all over the rest of your crib thereby signifying that you're now celebrating Valentine's Day. THAT SHIT IS NOT CUTE.
4. Valentine's Day is hardly a holiday that warrants exterior home decoration. if so, I SERIOUSLY FEAR WHAT THE FUCK YOU'LL DO NEXT MONTH FOR ST. PATTY'S DAY.

i really do love my neighbors. they're a sweet couple who's son owns the house, and they live on the lower floor while the top is rented to a group of college kids who i want to strangle. but that's a story for a whole other blog about how i'm getting old and kharma's now paying me back for all the off-the-hook house parties i threw back in the college day. but back to the sweet couple. the husband is very helpful, always bringing my trash cans in if i get home too late from a shoot and they're still out there past dark. the wife calls me "mija," which means "my daughter" in Spanish, and has god-blessed me so many times i'm pretty sure i'm set to go to heaven. when she's out driving and sees me on my bike, she always rolls down her window and yells at me to be safe and watch out for the crazy drivers like she's my very own Johan Bruyneel. they really are the sweetest. simply put: these are some GOOD GOOD people with BAD BAD taste. it starts with Halloween. they rock this huge lit up, hot air, blow up pumpkin. next is Thanksgiving. yep, you guessed it. we get another lit up, hot air, blow up turkey. for Christmas, they pretty much go insane. the wreath that you see above is nothin'. there's also a huge lit up, hot air, blow up Santa, and the entire cast of automated reindeer sits atop their roof. the lights that accompany this Christmas fandango can be seen from outerspace, and i'm pretty sure they're responsible for a good portion of the earth's global warming. so when i got home today and saw this, i just lost it. by the way, when's Easter this year?? i wanna buy up all the lit up, hot air blow up bunnies before my neighbors can get their hands on 'em....

in training news, this came from Hammer Nutrition today!!

the Hammer Cornucopia
i used the 15% discount offer from Wil's blog and ordered directly from Hammer this time. now the only thing i actually ordered and paid for were the two big jugs of Perpetuem. the rest was what they sent for being a first time customer. not to mention that i got a call from a nice lady named Liz at Hammer saying that she'd received my order, it would be shipped out that same day, and if there was anything else i needed or had questions about, feel free to call her. how's that for some customer service?? i'm thinking about asking Liz to call my neighbors and sweetly ask them to TAKE THAT HOLIDAY SHIT DOWN!!!

i leave tomorrow for my first century at the Tour De Palm Springs. YESS!!! gonna stay the night with my old running coach, Vic. so psyched to get to visit with him on the eve of my longest ride EVAH (guess i'm just gonna keep sayin' that, my longest ride ever). i gotta get a swim in tomorrow morning before i hit the road, but Sascrotch is gettin' a little unruly on me. off to get my wax on....TOOTLES.

HUMP DAY HAIKU!!

photo by SIMKO

the sun draws me up
in the shape of a lotus
beaming yogi smile

DAY OFF: A TIME FOR REFLECTION

man oh man, this is a welcome day off. peeps, i don't even know where to begin. for one, as Bold explained to me a while ago, your training doesn't start to get really serious 'til you're at about 112 days on the countdown, a day for every mile on the bike. yeah, take a look at the little polar watch over in the left column. UH HUH......it's for reals now. and i say BRING.IT. i just can't believe where i'm at. i can't believe i'm actually getting through this. not that it hasn't been difficult, or even painful, but surprisingly IT HASN'T BEEN IMPOSSIBLE. i know, i know. all you IronPeeps out there are probably sayin' to yourselves "silly little Iron virgin. you just don't know what's ahead for you. you're gonna get your ass served to you on a platter." and maybe so, may.be.so. but remember that this isn't my second season in this sport. nope, this has been a slow 7 years in the making. in fact, when i first started in triathlon and even up to my first oly distance, i never EVER saw myself doing a full Ironman. i just didn't even entertain the thought, but the more and more i raced, and the more people i met in the tri community, i got the bug. BAD.

two years ago while dickin' around looking at race calendars and results, i discovered that there was a Half Iron distance race in New Hampshire that would fall on my 35th birthday. yep, the actual day i was born 35 years prior, and at just about the same hour too, as i was born into this world early in the morning. what better way to celebrate my 35th birthday?? so i got a coach, and he gave me a schedule. up until then, i'd just trained when i could, and it seemed to work for me. during one phone consultation, he asked me if i was considering a full Ironman at some point, and i laughed. oh no no no. this would be my resting point in my triathlon career, the Half IM distance, thanks though. then he laughed, "oh, i bet you'll change your mind."

training for that first Half IM was life altering. everything i knew or thought i knew about fitness and my limits just got turned UPSIDE DOWN. somewhere along the way, i began to think more and more about the FULL DISTANCE, and then i really started to freak. what if i found the half distance so difficult and traumatic that i would never want to do a full one?? suddenly, i wanted to pull out of the 35th birthday plan altogether. i wanted to just skip ahead and go for THE FULL MONTY, but coach talked me off the ledge and promised me that with the training i was doing, there was no way i'd have a bad half. then somewhere along the way, in a shorter training race, an aquathlon no less, i went and did something REALLY STUPID and qualified to race for Team USA at ITU Worlds in Lausanne, Switzerland. now not only was i racing my first Half Iron distance tri on my birthday, but 10 days later i would find myself traveling to Europe for the first time ever to race for my country. IS THIS FOR REALS??? I MUST BE DREAMING!! I'M DREAMING RIGHT?? OK, JOKES ON ME. YOU CAN ALL COME OUT NOW.

to be continued...

WEEKEND RECAP: MY MOM IS A ROCK STAR

this weekend was a flashback to last weekend: gorgeous sunny ride saturday followed by an "open water" run sunday. still, i'm gettin' everything done outdoors, which is more than most tri peeps out there can say this time of year. have i mentioned how much i love living in SoCal???



saturday brought an organized group ride with LA Tri Club complete with SAG wagon support. about 30 of us met and parked at the Irvine train station and clipped in from there at 8am riding 80 miles south to San Diego. as we left the parking lot, the first group of guys took off like they stole somethin' and i never saw 'em again. the middle of the pack was all over the place with flats, and then i lost the bulk of them at the next red light. this was all in the first 3 miles. the slower pack asked me to lead the way, but that was too slow for me, so i rode by myself somewhere in the middle for about the first 15 miles. still though, it was nice to know that i had a route slip and a van out there somewhere if i needed it. soon enough i caught up with a group of 5 others from the middle of the pack who i could keep pace with most of the way, three of whom are all doing IMAZ#1. it was great to get pushed a little bit, but i got so caught up in the group dynamic and keeping up that i lost track of eating as regularly as i have been on long rides. didn't totally bonk, but i coulda been more on top of it. lesson learned, and i'll make sure to be more on it next weekend when a lot of us ride the Tour De Palm Springs, MY FIRST CENTURY!!!! Laura, who i rode most of the day with, will be there, so i look forward to keeping the pace again!! Laura, Jen, and I stopped for a bite to eat at the final hotel meeting place before riding the 7 more miles to the train station. now riding with our SAG backpacks on, the 7 miles were grueling!!! sliding into the station, we watched the next train for L.A. take off without us, but we caught the next one about 45 minutes later. we felt so cool as they allowed us to board first with our bikes in front of about 50 other passengers!! business class seats offered us a little more room, some airplane style snack boxes, and by 8:30 we were back in Irvine. a full 12 hour day, and i still had to drive another hour home, and rest up for what was on sunday's schedule.....



the Surf City Half Mary. woke up to rain at 4:30am. left with my mom at 5am. she agreed to drive and let me sleep a little more as i was still pretty wrecked from the day before. got down to Huntington Beach and sat for 45 MINUTES to get into the parking lot. the rain kept coming down, and we watched in horror as the palm trees blew sideways. never have i ever wanted to not do a race as much as this one. i'd a happily gotten on the dreadmill instead, but my mom had trained 3 months for this, and nothing was going to stop her. i couldn't help but be inspired by her enthusiasm to see what she could do out there. bundled up in my tights, a base layer under a singlet, and a waterproof jacket with another poncho over that (and no, it does not say "KONA" on it), i was ready to roll. i also had the bright idea to wrap plastic shopping bags over my shoes to keep 'em dry for as long as possible. of course, moms followed everything i did, so we looked like two spacemen ready to walk the moon. there was still about a mile walk to the start, and the plastic bags soon revealed to be utterly useless. that first rush of water into my shoes is hard to describe, but i'll try. it's sorta like that initial warm feeling when you pee your pants. you know, kinda warm, kinda maybe not so bad?? but then they just get more and more wet, and then the cold sets in, and you just want to get this mother over with. that's when i looked at my mom, and she knew exactly what i was about to say so she said it first, "you go. you go. i'll call you when i finish. don't wait for me at the finish line either!! go back to the car and change into dry clothes and get warm. i'll be fine. love you!!"

so off i went and got settled in my corral waiting for about 5 minutes to the start. i had already wrung my socks out once before the gun even went off. please please please, no big ass blisters today!!! next thing, we were off. first mile is invariably spent dodging all the peeps who have no business being up front. not tootin' my horn here. i'm MOP for sure, but if you're pushing a stroller and draggin' a dog on a leash or wearing a shirt that says "i lost a bet" or "i quit smoking tomorrow", you need to take your slow ass to the back corral. nuff said.

my only goal for this race was to not let it be a race, and the torrential rain coming at me sideways definitely helped with that. it's hard to not let a race be a race ya know?? all those thousands of other people going by you while you're committed to holding your heart rate at a high zone 2/low zone3. still, i stuck to the plan and clocked the first mile at 9:30 keeping my heart rate below 158. by the second mile, i could tell that my layering was causing me to overheat. aaah, the dilemma. do i stop and try to peel the undermost base layer off risking precious seconds, possibly minutes?? um, hello, it's a race that's not a race, and you're gonna spontaneously combust if you keep this up!!! so i finally gave in and stopped to adjust. i tried to do the "take the bra off and out from under your cool baggy sweatshirt" move as made famous in a scene from the 80's movie, Flashdance, but it's a little hard when you have a gazillion more layers over it and it's raining balls out. so i fuddled the underlayer up under the singlet and left it around my neck while putting the singlet back on. all this took about 3 minutes as i watched the entire stroller pushing, bet losing, smoke quitting contingent pass me by. something felt a little off though, like a small patch of skin on my side was getting exposed to the cold air more than the rest of me, but it wasn't off enough to make we want to stop again, and off i went. spent another mile passing my way back to the closest i was gonna get to where i shoulda been and that's where i stayed for the rest of the race, holding between 158-160, and stuck on a skinny minnie in front of me in a blue top. i wanted to take her out, but that woulda brought the heart rate to about 165-170, so i watched her slowly slip further and further in front of me until i just couldn't see the blue top anymore. that was it. it was definitely not a race anymore. what else could i do if i couldn't pick a victim and attack?? i'd also forgotten my ipod, so i just tried to recall songs on it, getting stuck on a chorus over and over 'til i could get that one out of my head and get stuck on another one. lotsa Prince and The Clash, and a little JT in there too, but i would mix up the words, so i was "bringin' SWEATY back." this got me to mile 10 at a nice clip, still in a good heart rate zone and that's when i started to recognize the people just ahead of me. holy crap, i was back with my original corral pack!!! and there was BLUE TOP!!! she wasn't looking strong either, and in about another minute i was passin' her sorry ass. i just kept strong for the last 5k, and one other annoying woman, who kept belching the entire way, started to pass me up. "that's ok, it's not a race. i just gotta keep my heart rate mellow and finish this mother." i couldn't tell if i was pooping out or she was really just faster than me, so i kept her in my sites. "stay behind her, stay mellow, wait and see." then i saw her pass the mile 26 marker for the full marathoners. i was maybe just 10 yards behind her now. "that's .2 left. let's see if you saved anything" at this point i bagged the heart rate goal and went fully anaerobic, lungs about to burst outta my chest, and sprinted to the line, passing the belching woman with about 40 yards to go. poor thing never knew what hit her.....

as soon as i stopped running, I GOT COLD!!! after getting warm in the tent for a second, i called my mom to see how she was doing. "mile 8 i think. feeling great. don't wait for me!! go to the car and get dry." so i made the death march all the way through the parking lot wishing i would've dropped my belongings bag that morning (which i never do) so i could've changed closer to the finish to be there when my mom crossed the line. back in the car, as i changed and peeled off the layers, i discovered that when putting my singlet back on mid-run, i put my neck through the right arm hole which explains why my whole right side felt cold and exposed under my jacket. DOH!!! i also discovered a blister on my foot so big that i'm considering going tomorrow and getting it its own social security number and putting it to work. things so damn big, it's gotta be good for something....i got dry and warm, and paid her the next best favor by moving the car up through the now nearly empty parking lot to within a half block of the finish line, thereby saving her the same death march. then i waited. and waited...

and waited

and waited

and called

and waited

and called

then i worried

"oh shit. i missed her. she's walking back to where the car USED TO BE." so i slowly drive back, scanning everyone in the parking lot when i got the call. she was finished. she was happy and she just wanted someone to take the friggin' chip off her shoe so she could officially be done with this mother!! drove back to get her, and there she was with a beaming smile and a wet hug!!! 3:38:38 AND NOT LAST!!!

we stopped to eat before making the drive back home. we sat as my mom excitedly recounted every mile: the woman she ran/walked with who was definitely faster than her, the man who had lost 80+ pounds and struggled but finished too, the lady who walked the entire way and still passed her (guess i know where i get that competitive thing from). she must have told our waiter at least 5 times that we'd just run a half marathon while proudly displaying her surfboard medal. in all the time that took, i missed getting to the gym to get my 3200yd swim in before they closed early on sunday. no loss though. i wouldn't trade the day i had with my mom for any training in the world. for me, it was the race that wasn't a race, just another training day, but for her, it was a day that diabetes didn't take from her. and there'll be more soon enough...she's signed up for 2 more half mary's this year!! the last one will be after i'm done with Brasil, and it better not rain that day, cuz i'm definitely gonna be at the finish line for her!!!

WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE

CAUTION: free food can be dangerous
this post is inspired a bit by Little Miss Runner Pants whose doing some sort of Sparta project inspired by another blogger, Runner Susan, where they photograph everything they eat in a week. unfortunately, i don't think there's enough memory or bandwidth on the planet for me to do the same thing, but when i arrived at my shoot today, it got me thinking about all the temptations and potential for crap calories that i'm faced with on a regular basis.

so one of the many perks of my job is that when i'm on a shoot there's either catering or food is ordered in for the day or two days or the whole week, however long we're on the job. gotta love free food especially when you're training for an Ironman as undoubtedly, you are HUNGRY ALL THE FRIGGIN' TIME. not to mention the economic advantage as FREE FOOD = MORE MONEY FOR TRI CRAP. doesn't the spread above look all posh??? the chafing dishes (not that kinda chafing), the nice white china, the orchids......yeah, until you inspect a little closer...we'll start with the "healthier" stuff....


2 kinds of yogurt, granola, and lemon slices(?)

ok, ok, this is aceptable, what else.....

fruit n croissants

bagels n cream cheese

lotsa bread, some ridiculously thinly sliced fruit and cream cheese. harmless in moderation you say? a'ight, let's open the chafing dishes.....


Pandora's Box: scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, french toast, and cheesy potatoes

and let's wash it down with a mini-fridge full of never ending high fructose corn syrup shall we??



"make the healthy choices, monica. there's always a healthier choice in any situation." so this is what i came up with:


a little o' this, a little o' that, but no eggs or french toast or bread
now mind you, this crap sits here ALL DAY, haunting me, tempting me at every moment. lunch was a little better though...


salad with pistachio encrusted chicken, brussel sprouts (YUMMERS) and rigatone pasta in tomato, capers, and kalamata sauce
fuck it. i'll just run my 8 miles tonight, then ride 90 tomorrow, run the Surf City Half Mary sunday, take a nap, then swim my 3200yds. oh, yeah the Super Bowl. GO BRONCOS??? i have no clue about that sport......

happy weekend