LEARNING TO SAY NO

this morning i had to make a difficult call. this came after two nights in a row on the trainer 'til midnight. two nights ago it was 2 hours, and last night i had to knock out 3 hours and 20 minutes. my neighbors must look at me through my window and think i'm insane. no wait, they can't see me through the window, CUZ THEY'RE ALL ASLEEP!!! is this really what it's come to?? even with daylight savings and all, there i was on the trainer at midnight, and all the while the anxiety was building...

how the hell am i gonna get it all done??
why did i over extend myself like this??
why am i so eager to jump to attention and please everyone??
didn't they hear me??
why won't they listen??
I'M TRAINING FOR A FRIGGIN' IRONMAN!!!

and that's when i had the epiphany. right there on the trainer at about 2 hours in, as the wheel was spinning, the FIRE CROTCH in full effect and the Tivo in overdrive as i caught up on weeks of past due episodes, i finally broke down and had to admit to myself....

I CAN'T BE IN 3 PLACES AT ONCE.

now this Ironman training has certainly taken my endurance to another level. i'm, stronger, i'm even a little faster, and sometimes it feels like i can be in 2 places at once, but 3 is pushing it, people.

so i made the call, and i had to say NO.

it was the hardest call i've had to make in a long while. i said NO to a really amazing opportunity that hopefully hasn't passed me up for good, but if i can't fully commit and do it the right way, i don't wanna do it the half-ass way, and that's what i was looking at. i said NO, and i may have disappointed some people, even myself a little, but mostly for not being realistic about my time in the first place and setting some boundaries. you just have no idea how this Ironman will consume your life. sure they try to warn you in the books, at the lectures. "training for an Ironman is like having a second job." but you still just have no idea until you're in it...

i said NO. and it's ok.