WEEKEND RECAP: A LONG WEEKEND OF "FIRSTS"

ok, let's start with the ugliest of firsts and get it out of the way:

FIRST RUN IN WITH A CAR WHILE RIDING BIKE

as i left my house early friday morning to catch the train, i was stopped at a red light at a pretty big intersection wearing my bright ass yellow vest. as the light turned green, i began to pedal through the intersection and hadn't built up much speed yet when a white bmw comes from behind me and turns RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME into the gas station to my right. it was really all kinda slow motion but too fast for me to avoid going straight into the passenger side back door. i let out a pathetic sort of "aaaaaaauuuuugh!!!' and the beamer broke my fall. at this point, i still don't think the driver was aware of me, but the sound of my thud against the back of his car musta jolted him to accelerate ahead which in turn caused me to fall to the ground. luckily, i hadn't put my hand out to break my fall and landed on my lower arm instead. the driver got out looking all stunned and apologetic:

dumb ass driver: "oh my god i didn't see you!!! are you ok??"

me (to myself): "really? you couldn't see this big fat ass and my bright ass yellow vest??"

me: "yeah, i'm fine"

me (to myslef) : "but your side door sure isn't"

d.a.d. (who clearly hasn't inspected his side door yet): "really. i didn't see you. i'm so sorry. are you sure you're ok?"

me: "yeah, i'm fine. listen, i'm late for a train. just watch where you're going ok?"

my aerobars musta gone straight into the door, and then when he accelerated it just scraped the shit outta it. oh well, kharma's a bitch and sometimes payback is instant. my hand felt a little scraped under my glove, and my arm was throbbing a bit from where i landed, but no tears to the clothing, no worse for the wear. CARRY ON...

i thought i'd catch some zzz's on the train, but i was too excited. the scenery went from urban and industrial to gorgeous and lush by the time the train reached the shore. i got off one stop past Oceanside in beautiful Solana Beach to get a scenic 40 miles in on my way to...

MY FIRST BLOGGER MEET UP!!!

Welcome to SoCal!!
met up with Rainmaker who was out from DC for the race. we clipped in and headed to see if we could get on the marine base for about 45 minutes of relatively uninterrupted riding. just as we headed onto the base, he asked what sorta pace i wanted to go to which i replied something like, "hey you're the guest. whatever you feel like. i'll hang on if i can." and that's just about all i could do. HANG ON. he took off like a bat outta hell, and i went totally anaerobic trying to keep up behind him. with all the solo riding i've been doing for Ironman, it was kinda fun to get pulled, no YANKED, by someone faster than me. the scenery was gorgeous, and at one point a marine chopper took off from a field right in front of us. VERY SURREAL!! on the way back we met up with a headwind somethin' fierce. i made a pretty pathetic attempt at pulling, and Rainmaker was just being polite to stay behind my slow ass. by the time we hit what i wouldn't even call a hill but more of a short incline, i waved him around me or he'd a gone backwards.

met up with Yanti and Dolores who were so awesome to drive down with my stuff and let me crash in their hotel room on last minute's notice. they were meeting up with their whole BeginnerTri.com crew for lunch, so Rainmaker and i joined them. then we all set off for the expo where i kept to my word and DIDN'T BUY A THING!!! Rainmaker, however, cannot say the same. check out his new secret weapon in the box...


Mwuaaaa ha ha haaaaaaaa!!!
and just as i was leaving the expo, low and behold, look who i catch in line at the McDonald's shack at the pier!!


Mickie D's: nutrition fit for a champ!!
our very own LA Tri Club member and young pro, Katy Donovan!!! no other triathlete's in site at McDonald's but there's Katy swearing she never eats it but craves it right before and after a race. SO THE PROS ARE HUMAN!!! then i asked her what colors she'd be wearing so i knew to look for her the next day. she wasn't sure because she still had to pick up her kit at the expo from her sponsor, Zoot, but she'd requested that she not have to wear any "girly colors," as she explained "powder blue and pink just don't look fast" NOW THAT'S MY KINDA GIRL!! in fact the only pro who looks good in pink is my personal fav, Michellie Jones. however, my theory behind her wearing of pink is that she's so damned intimidating looking as it is, she has to soften the blow to her competition!!!

NEXT UP, BLOGGER OCEAN SWIM!!!

Surf's Up!!
we didn't get in the water 'til about 4 o' clock, and by then the conditions were pretty blown out and rougher than earlier in the day. i was supposed to get an hour swim in, but after we braved getting through the surf and around and out of the surfers' way, i was just happy to be in the water, and we maybe spent about 20 minutes total going south and back. again, i pretty much followed behind Rainmaker. don't get any ideas about this guy when he writes about how he could barely swim when he first started out in triathlon. he musta done his homework, cuz i couldn't catch him for nothin'!! coming back in, i got tousled a bit in a wave and my calf CRAMPED UP BIG TIME. this is the second calf cramp in the water in two weeks. crazy how a wave can do that to you in an instant. reminds me to just relax through a wave toss and not fight to the surface.

sat enjoying the late afternoon sun, and then it was time to bid Rainmaker goodbye so that he could rest up and get into pre-race mode, and i was off to find the crew and our hotel room. luckily, i checked my voicemail BEFORE i headed off to where i THOUGHT our hotel was. Yanti had called to say that the original hotel had overbooked and we were relocated to another hotel. after calling for directions, i made my way there just before dark. so there were 4 of us, and we were expecting to cram ourselves into 2 double beds as originally requested with the reservation. but in my last minute decision to make the trip, something told me to bring a sleeping bag and pad. good thing since the relocated hotel only had a room with 1 BED!!! of course without question, that went to Yanti who was the only one of us racing. Sherpa Dolores shared with her, and instead of the floor, i snagged the blue lazy boy recliner pictured below. it was actually quite comfy!!!


(l. to r.) Sherpa Dolores, racer Yanti and volunteer Verna.
us triathletes sure know how to crap up a hotel room.

RACE DAY!!!

i got up early to catch a ride with Yanti and Sherpa Dolores, and what an amazing Sherpa she was!!! she helped Yanti with all the packing, applying sunscreen, chammy butter to shorts, stickers to gear, racking of bike to car, and a ton of photos every step of the way. we walked in the dark to transition and said our goodbyes as Yanti set off to find her rack. i couldn't find Rainmaker as there seemed to be a huge tent obstructing his rack, but i made my way to find as many peeps from LA Tri Club that i could recognize. the buzz in the air made me really wish i was racing, but my turn will come in a few more weeks. today was all about cheering and pics, all 350+ of them!!!


my plan was to see and cheer as many people as i could out of the water and onto the bike. the pros started coming out, and i got some cool shots. and look!! two racers behind Michellie Jones outta the water is Katy Donovan!! you gotta love McDonald's as fuel..


the fierce, ruling diva, Michellie Jones with Katy Donovan hot on her trail...


dah dah dah.dah.dah...she's lovin' it.
NO POWDER BLUE OR PINK FOR THIS GIRL!!!
then while everyone was pedaling, i'd take off for my scheduled 16 mile run. i'd hopefully make it back in time to see as many as i could cross the finish line. it turned into a bit of a cluster fuck having to walk back a mile to the car to change and drop off all my crap, and i got started a little bit later than planned. the boardwalk was clear enough to be able to run right alongside the course without actually being in the way. HOW COOL IS THIS!!! next thing i know, here come the pros!! last years winner, olympian Andy Potts, was in the lead and looking strong, but the field was too close to say he had it in the bag. next up, the women's field was also close. Michellie had taken over the lead on the better part of the bike, but had dropped to 3rd by the time i saw them at mile 3 of the run. but there they were right out next to me with not much of a crowd around!!! of course no camera as i was on a training run myself. bummer. funny thing was that at all the water stops, the enthusiastic volunteer kids kept cheering me on thinking i was the lead woman. i have to admit that it felt kinda cool. hey, a girl's gotta dream right??

i felt good and strong on the run, but doing it along the course was maybe not the best idea. i kept running into other people i knew cheering on the sidelines, and then of course i had to stop to cheer racers as i recognized them. there went Rainmaker in a flash giving me the so-so sign when i asked how he was feeling. if that was so-so, i'd take his so-so any day!!! as i came in from my first loop, Andy Potts and 2nd place finisher at Kona, Craig Alexander, were NECK AND NECK to the finish line. Potts took the final surge and the win by JUST 3 SECONDS!! i kinda like how the olympian steps up to the half ironman distance and wins it last year at his 2nd attempt and then takes it again the following year against some seasoned competition. way to keep it fresh, Andy!! next the women started trickling in. i didn't know the 1st place woman, Mirinda Carfrae took 2nd, and i got to cheer for 3rd place, Leanda Cave, who i met when she did a homestay at a friend's for the L.A. Tri two years ago. Michellie took 4th. ok, enough cheering. gotta head out for the second lap. heading back from the second loop of the course i ran into fellow Tri Clubber and IMCDA hopeful, Carsten Dietz. he wasn't looking good but perked up when he recognized me.

"Monica, can you please take this from me!!! YOU'RE A LIFE SAVER!!!"

next thing i know, i'm doing the last 3 miles of the course with his fully loaded fuel belt on!! what's this guy got in here, a full buffet?? is he trying to get some extra weight training in on the side? this is only a half ironman with aid stations up the wazoo!! by the time i finally found his girlfriend, Juliana, to hand it off to, i was throughly exhausted, and i knew i'd already missed many peeps crossing the line including Rainmaker. with the added weight of the fuel belt for the last 3 miles, i didn't feel so bad about only getting 13 miles in instead of 16. so sue me...

i was done training for the day and it was still light out. SUCCESS!! and now i was left to just cheer in the rest of the crew. as i got to talking to some who had already finished, i began to not feel so bad to have missed the race this year. the bike course ended up being SUPER WINDY with over 20 miles of straight headwinds. uh, no thanks. i managed to spot 4 of the 5 bloggers i knew would be racing. Rainmaker was well on his way to the airport with a PR!!! Brian, aka Triathlete in a Cubicle also killed it as i predicted. maybe not what his goal was, but those winds just took it outta everyone. caught Fe-Lady on the run course looking proud and strong in her Operation Rebound kit. and low and behold, there was Neoprene Wedgie!! after all his doubts that his knee would hold up, he was looking strong and smiling. and he even beat his expected finish time!!! only one i didn't spot was CV Surf, cuz well, i realized i've never seen a picture of him on his blog!! CV Surf? any reports??? but my favorite person to cheer in was Miss Yanti. she towed the line after gashing her foot on the boat ramp at the swim exit, which lead to having to ride a good portion of the bike doing one-legged drills. then the winds just killed her with her more upright handlebars. you see, this girl just taught herself to ride a bike 3 seasons ago for her first sprint tri, so she's not so comfy with drop downs just yet. still she soldiered through, so saturday's finish was a HUGE DEAL. i mean can ya argue with a finish photo like this???


YESSS!!!

then it was back to the hotel to rest up for MY BIG DAY SUNDAY...

MY FIRST 100+ MILE RIDE

120 MILES TO BE EXACT. i was a little freaked out saturday night as i fell sleep in the lazy boy and my calf was still cramped from the previous day's swim. getting up the next morning, i had to limp to the bathroom to get dressed which wasn't a good sign, but at this point i really had no choice but to ride myself back home!! see how i set that up for myself?? no backing out now!! ok, it wasn't that dramatic. i coulda hopped on the train back north, but i figured that i wouldn't use my calves too much as long as i stayed seated for the majority of the distance. and after last weekend's long-ass ride made only longer by my inability to put my camera down long enough to get aero and stay there, i made the executive decision to leave the camera in my stuff that was being driven back by Yanti and Dolores.

OH.THE.HORROR.

i realized sunday just how naked i feel without my camera. i can't tell you how many times i wished i had it. so many things i needed to document. needed to document?? am i hearing myself?? what am i on a photo bike tour or an Ironman training ride??

GET TO STEPPIN' LADY!!!

i set off and started my bike computer just as i left the hotel, first heading towards the marine base to ride the flatter portion of the previous day's course. it was still quite windy this morning which made me feel even more for those who toughed it out on race day. but instead of trying to mash through it, i knew i had to spin to start warming up. after all, i had 120 miles to go....

made it out of San Diego county and onto Laguna Niguel at mile 36 where i had

MY FIRST FLAT OF THE DAY!!!

and a REAR FLAT TOO!! no worries. i took it as an opportunity to see how fast i could change it on the fly. i was most proud of myself that i didn't touch the chain AT ALL. 5 MINUTES and some change, and i was back in business. it was pretty much rollers all along Pacific Coast Highway, and i think i was still a little skittish from the run in with the beamer at the beginning of this glorious weekend, so coming into the main drag of every town made me a little more stressed. still, i was plugging along, eating and drinking regularly, keeping a pretty good pace and the calf was holding up.

"mile 40. you're a 3rd of the way there. NICE. keep it up. stay in the game."

coming outta Newport Beach and just over the bridge at the Santa Ana River path, i had another first.

MY FIRST SECOND FLAT ON A RIDE!!!
(did that make sense?)

ok, this is friggin' annoying. i don't bring my camera so as to not waste time, and now i'm wasting time changing flats. here i am, less than halfway through the ride and i'm on my last tube. i thoroughly scraped inside the tire looking for whatever was still in there, but nothin'. then i go to fill it with my last co2 cartridge and the thing starts to let the air out on its own before i can get it on the vale stem.

SHIT.

new tube but not enough air. i flagged down the next riders i saw, and a guy was nice enough to lend me his extra co2 (good bike kharma ya know). then i stuck with them for a few more miles until i got to Main St. in downtown Huntington Beach. with 70 miles to go and the rest on way more remote bike paths, i didn't feel good about not having any more tubes or air. the guys directed me to Jax where i met Michelle who sold me what i needed to get the rest of this mother done. Michelle asked what route i was planning to take back north and discouraged me from taking the 710 path as i had planned. last time i rode it was the first time i ever rode it, and i was with two guys. she said it smelled and was full of unsavory characters, and she didn't think i'd be safe riding alone there. oh, yeah, especially if I HAVE TO STOP AND CHANGE ANOTHER FRIGGIN' TUBE!!! with all that had already transpired, i figured it was a sign that i'd come to Jax and been warned. so i took the San Gabriel River path which drives me absolutely ape shit batty, but at least i only had to go one way on it, and at least i was headed in the TAILWIND direction!! so shout out to Michelle if you're reading this!! btw, she rides over 300 miles a week, back to back centuries on the weekends and has already run several marathons. think she might be ready for the 140.6?? she says she's confident she can do it all except for the swimming. um, anyone wanna write her some encouraging words in the comments section???

and off i went up the San Gabriel path. feeling good and flying. saw A TON of IMAZ folks out getting in their last long stuff before taper. thought of Bolder and his run ins with the prairie dawgs when one cracked out squirrel nearly took me out by crossing the path right in front of me. i swear i clipped the edge of his tail and then HE KINDA TURNED AROUND AND BARKED AT ME!! WTF??? hey, it was mile 80 or so, so i coulda been imagining things. descriptions of more things i saw and didn't have my camera for but maybe i was imagining and will be haunted by forever...

the lanky teenage kid running solo with a bright red cap and what looked to be a Che t-shirt, but upon nearing closer, it read "Pre Lives." the light on him was surreal and he was in the zone. he nodded at me as if to acknowledge that i was in the zone too.

the sunday rodeo complete with live Ranchero band. dust flying and cowboys everywhere. I WILL DEFINITELY GO BACK AND MAKE A PROJECT OUT OF THAT ONE!!

looking down when the computer red 66.6 miles. oh that's just evil...

looking down when the computer read 77.7 miles. now that's lucky...a foreshadowing to my upcoming Vegas Race perhaps?? i'm all in it to win it and win me some more registration bucks!!!

the ominous clouds that waited for me at the top of the San Gabriel path, sitting at the foothills, waiting to break with rain but holding off cuz i wasn't dressed for rain.

THE LIGHT. OH THE LIGHT.

ENOUGH ABOUT THE LIGHT. STAY IN THE GAME, GIRL. LET'S GET THIS DONE.

off of the path, it was stop and go through city streets for the last 17 miles. i recall looking down at the computer as i started up again after one particular red light, and this time it read...

112

HOLY SHIT. COULD YOU RUN A MARATHON RIGHT NOW??

i'm terrified to say that maybe, JUST MAYBE I COULD.

8 more miles without much incident, and i was at my front door. through 3 counties, countless zip codes, 2 tubes, 2 co2 cartridges and NOT ONE PHOTO. and anyone who wants to chime in with "no photo=didn't happen" can kiss my chapped-after-120 miles ASS!!!

I.WAS. HOME.

120.1 miles
(i overshot it just a wee bit i guess)

TOTAL TIME: 10 HOURS, 12 MINUTES
ACTUAL RIDE TIME: 8 HOURS, 11 MINUTES
(let's just say it's a good thing i swim fast enough)

i was supposed to run 20 minutes off the bike, but i was afraid to blow up my calf that was still cramped.

SO.SUE.ME.

i know, i know, these posts are getting out of control long. but this blog really isn't for you, it's for me to remember once it's all over. cuz TIME.IS.FLYING.PEOPLE. 54 DAYS!!! but stay with me, peeps. there's some exciting news to share in the next day or two. for one, i will FINALLY CHRISTEN THE BIKE WITH A NAME!!! stay tuned....

OCEANSIDE!!!!

so it's all a go. this saturday is the Ironman California 70.3 in Oceanside. i had originally planned to race it as a warm up to IM Brasil, but it sold out in record time. which reminds me,

I'VE GOT A HALF IRONMAN RACE IN 3 WEEKS. DOH!!!

instead i'm heading to Vegas to race the Rage in the Sage on April 19th. it worked out better, as i have family there i can stay with, and it'll be a nice chance to visit with them. best part is that i will most likely win my registration and gas money back at the blackjack tables!!!


21 BABY!!!!

but this weekend is Oceanside. first i wanna give a big shout out to Yanti who i mentioned in my weekend recap when we swam in the shit spill this past sunday. Yanti's racing her first half and i want to wish her the BEST RACE EVAH!!! she's been trainin' hard, then got a little sick at the beginning of the year, but she's made a comeback, and i know she'll have a blast out there!!!

in tri blog land, 5 bloggers i read regularly are gonna be out there. Rainmaker's coming all the way from DC!! Neoprene Wedgie's been battling some nasty knee issues, but some visits to the PT are gonna help him get to the start line (if he doesn't leave his front wheel at his car). there's Fe-lady, who's done an incredible job of raising money for Team Operation Rebound. we got local OC triathlete, CV Surf, who's had a hectic week with the health of the rest of his family. CV, you been eating your albondigas soup??!!! MEXICAN PENICILLIN!!!! and the there's my fellow LA Tri Club member, Brian, aka, Triathlete in a Cubicle. all i know is that this guy is ready to KILL.IT. no doubt there will be a bunch more bloggers out there, so good luck and great race to you all!!!

one last bit of advice to you all: don't get caught by the race photographers doin' this like i did last year!!!

spittin' ON YOUR LEFT!!!!

tonight, i'm dropping a bag (or two or ten) off to Yanti that she'll drive down for me (i told you she was THE BEST). tomorrow, i leave at 6am with my bike to catch the train down south where i'll get off one stop past Oceanside and then bike back where i'll meet up with Rainmaker and continue to ride with him a little bit more. then i'll meet up with Yanti at the hotel or at the expo and pick up my wetsuit to knock out an hour long ocean swim. i think Rainmaker's got 2000 yards to do. then the expo where I WILL NOT BUY ANYTHING!!!

saturday is all ALL ABOUT PHOTOS AND CHEERING. ok, not all about cheering...while everyone's out on the bike leg, and since most of it is on the Camp Pendelton Marine Base and inaccessible to spectators, i'll be busy knocking out a 16 mile run. i'll follow the run course and then some and then meet up with Iron Maiden of Honor Lesley to catch everyone as they transition from bike to run and then back at the FINISH BABY!!

THEN WE DRINK!!!




NOT!!!!

cuz guess what monica gets to do sunday while everyrone's sleeping in, recovering and Yanti drives all my crap back up to L.A.....

wait




wait.






WAIT.FOR.IT.






120 FRIGGIN' MILES

yep, you read it right. i'm ridin' back home through 3 counties and lord knows how many zip codes and area codes.

YES YES Y'ALL. IT'S GETTIN' REAL STOOPID 'ROUND HERE....

HUMP DAY HAIKU!!

photo courtesy of MTV Networks

Jenny from Da Block
says she wants to try a tri.
Go on, homegirl. GO!!

60

60 days left

60 days left

60 days left!!

and all i gotta say is....





wait









wait










WAIT.FOR.IT.













I'M SICK OF OATMEAL!!!
(and i'm still gassy)

WEEKEND RECAP: THE DESERT RIDE...

before i get on with the weekend recap i'd like begin with a little product review:

if you use any sort of salt caps or supplement that comes in pill or capsule form, it's difficult to carry them and then remember to take them regularly while racing. can't carry them in your jersey pockets as they get wet and soggy and deteriorate. in the bento box, they get stuck down at the bottom, and i have to eat everything else in there before i even see them to realize i haven't been taking them regularly, and by then the damage is done. while i didn't purchase the company's salt tabs (i got my own endurolytes), i wanted to test their dispenser, the salt stick, to free up some room in the bento box and have them in a place on my bike that would remind me to take them regularly. here's what my setup looks like with them attached to my aerobars:


my front end setup


turbo boosters all fired up
DOESN'T THAT LOOK SICK?? between the aerobars themselves, the bar-end shifters, the aero drink bottle, the computer and now these two salt sticks, it looks like i'm ready for lift off!!! the sticks each hold 6 caps. they also make a mini stick that just holds 3 caps and can be installed right onto the bar end of most standard road handlebars. seeing as i expect to take well over 7 hours on the bike portion of IM Brasil, and my formula has been to take 2 caps an hour after the first 2 hours of riding, i needed to install 2 of the large sticks. they come with a plastic snap mount that velcros onto just about any type of bar or tube, but i quickly discovered that with my Vision Tech bars, they easily slipped snuggly into the space between the bullhorns of my handlebars and the aero pads. SWEET!!! and just for good measure, i taped them down to avoid any rattling because I HATE WHEN ANYTHING RATTLES ON MY RIDE!!! i coulda used some less conspicuous tape than silver duct tape though. i'll replace that since i need to retape my handlebars before next weekend's ride. they come standard with a red plastic dispenser top and you also get a yellow replacement top to designate in case you race with two sticks filled with different supplements. pretty cool eh?? so once they're mounted, you simply turn the red dispenser button counter clockwise until you feel tension and then start to load the caps in one by one. then while riding, you turn the button clockwise until the cap sticks out. coolest part is that the dispenser doesn't just spit it out, but rather it holds it there for you to grab when you're ready and avoids you losing any to the road below.


PEZ for triathletes

as i mentioned in an earlier post today, i stayed at my friends Marina and David's little ranch house in the high desert of Yucca Valley. since they were also staying over the weekend and had other guests there, i stayed in the Airstream they have on the property so that nobody would have to worry about keeping quiet once i went to sleep, and i wouldn't wake anybody when i got up at the crack o' crack dawn to start my ride. they all made fun of me for being back in the Airstream since that's where i passed out at their post-wedding party a few years back. but yeah, things have changed since then. no booze on this trip...bummer.


my bed and the view at 7am
i intended to take of at 7am, but by the time i got rolling, it was more like 7:45. it turned out to be the perfect time to be carrying 12 endurolytes for saturday's ride cuz IT TOOK FOREVAH!!!! i knew the general route i wanted to take, and it would have me doing 3 major loops kinda in the shape of a clover that would take me through Pioneer Town, Yucca Valley/Landers, and finally Joshua Tree National Park. Marina was really helpful in pointing out the more continuous and less congested roads. each loop would be a long gradual climb for miles followed by a long descent. not so much what COACH intended for me to ride, but i'm running out of flat places to go for so long, and i'll slit my wrists if i have to do 3 repeats of the San Gabriel River Trail again. i started out heading towards the Pioneer Town loop with about a 12 mile warm up on the way. not many cars at this point, but a helluva lot o barkin' dogs in people's yards. i'm not so much afraid of dogs, but the last thing i needed this early in the morning was to be chased by some rabid, high-desert, tweaker of a canine.


the climb to Pie Town
heading up into Pioneer Town, the ride instantly became surreal like something outta 2001: A Space Odyssey. the craggy bolders peppered with various cactus life and burnt out Joshua Trees from last year's devastating lightning fire were both a gorgeous backdrop and a terrible distraction for getting this ride done!!! i couldn't ride 100 yards without stopping to take another picture. i already knew i was doing myself a disservice, but hey, i'm a photographer. i couldn't help myself!!!







it didn't get any better when i finally rolled into town. i got off the bike, put my coffee caps on and walked down the main drag for MORE PICTURES. Pie Town is where they filmed Gunfight at the OK Corral, and after filming commenced, they left the facades of the western town up. some real pioneers (i.e. freaky desert outlaws) came in and built real structures behind the facades and decided to call it home. there's a working saloon, a bowling alley, a post office, and a sorry excuse for a petting zoo.

but alas i carried on. there were still miles and miles of burnt out terrain ahead, but now with hints of spring flowers blooming through. very uplifting, however it'll be a decade or more before the Joshua Trees come back. the California Chaparral has got to be one of the best examples of cycling lifespan and regrowth. kinda like our periodization training as triathetes. we burn and burn to the point of fatigue, then have a recovery week, then come back flourishing and stronger than the last cycle. pretty crazy...


meet my pet ostrich???
i tried to stop taking as many pics throughout the rest of the ride, but i just couldn't resist this OSTRICH. WTF?? all i could think of was "Tina, you fat lard, come get some dinner!!!" from Napoleon Dynamite. oh wait, Tina was a llama not an ostrich. the time factor came more from the long sustained climbs for the better half of each loop i picked. the second loop was the flattest and least picturesque, so i tried to stay aero as much as possible. i was flying at certain points, and with the rollers, really getting a chance to dial in my gearing. back down to the main highway after the second loop, i stopped at the Circle K convenience store to restock on water and mix up some more Gatorade Endurance and Carbo Pro before i was off to Joshua Tree, the final loop of the adventure.

of course, it didn't dawn on me that it was Easter weekend. i envisioned just me and the road and the J Trees, but i found a line of cars a mile long once i made the climb up to the Park Entrance. the campgrounds were full, and people were bummed that they could only get passes to drive through. as i was on my bike, i got to cut the line, pay my 5 bucks and ride on in...


can we just go bouldering instead???
the entire loop into the park was pretty much one long 17 mile graduated climb with short little recovery descents, and i was starting to feel the fatigue, but luckily i'd been taking my endurolytes dispensed via the salt stick since 2 hours in so NO CRAMPS!! i just kept reminding myself that when i got to my turnaround, i'd be rewarded with a 17 mile descent.

YESS!!

but then i also remembered that there was still one last MOTHER OF A CLIMB in the last 10 miles back up to The Ranch.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

made it to my final turnaround feeling like i had something left for the last 40 miles...

no wait, the computer says 70 miles...

feeling like i had something left for the last 30 miles??

ok, wait, it's 17 miles back to the park entrance and then 22 miles back to The Ranch.

AWE CRAP.

now i got all the way through Calculus in high school, but i guess when it comes to basic math, i'm a lost cause. i overshot the loop in J. Tree by 10 miles. maybe i didn't do it so subconsciously, because now that meant i wouldn't have to climb the MOTHER CLIMB back to The Ranch. i just needed to get outta The park for my cell to work again and call Marina to bring me my car.

downhill all the way back right?? how does a road turn on you and become all uphill again?? maybe it was the fatigue, but that's what it felt like, back uphill. WTF??? finally, the descent came and i flew it in to the Circle K to meet Marina with my car. she rolled up and looked at me in amazement, in disbelief that i'd been out there riding all day. well, not all day...

TOTAL RIDE TIME: 9 hours
ACTUAL RIDE TIME: 7:27

ok, so i stopped A LOT. and maybe this helped me get through the mileage without much incident or pain or cramps or gastro distress, but 9 HOURS??? this is not good people!!! i got 2 months left to dial this in, and i feel like i wasted this ride by not pushing it. climbs or no climbs, I KNOW I COULDA KNOCKED THIS OUT MUCH FASTER!!! so am i hear to take pics or ride?? from now on, no more camera. no wait, i just can't leave the camera at home. ok, how 'bout no more than 10 pics per ride?? no wait, 2 pics per hour?? awe crap...

I KNOW BETTER THAN THIS
DISTANCE ISN'T ENOUGH.
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE EFFORT.

TIME.TO.STEP.IT.UP.

i'd have another chance Sunday....

didn't get home from the desert 'til about 11:30 Saturday night, and finally to bed by midnight. y'all know how i feel about sleep, so i planned to get my 8 full hours and get to the beach by 10:00 for the swim/run brick.


for this week's ocean swim, i was joined by the lovely Miss Yanti!! i coached Yanti to run her first marathon a few years back, and she's since run 4 more with either me or another coach in our program. is it 4 more or 5 more, Yanti?? all i can say is that this woman is amazing. so giving, a CRAZY TALENTED WRITER, great listener, and infectious with her love for athleticism and taking on new challenges!!! i can't count how many people she's brought to train with me for their first marathon, and she's already got a few of them doing tris. to top it all off...

THIS LADY CAN SWIM!!!!

when we started out, the water was TOTALLY GLASSY with a little current pulling south but very little rip, perfect conditions. we picked the Venice Pier and the El Porto smokestacks to sight off of, and we took off. i've raced with Yanti in the past, and i'm lucky if i see her at all in the water. we said we'd try to trade off pulling and drafting, but i think she was just being nice by not totally smoking my ass out there. our goal was a half hour out or close to the mile turnaround, whichever came first. we had a good clip going, really zoomin' through the water until...

UUUUUUGHH. WHAT'S THIS SHIT??

we hit a really funky, oily brown patch. not like a red tide, but more like some boat dumped their shit right off shore. it looked like we could swim around it, and we did for a few more minutes until we hit another patch, so we decided to turn around and go back as quick as we came. heading back it was more of the same coming at us, oily brown sludge, so at 49 minutes we bagged it, and headed for shore. 49 minutes instead of an hour, so sue me. i'm not gonna contract Cholera just to become an Ironman ya dig?? as we got out, the water was brown and sudsy, and there were all these families innocently bathing in it and enjoying their Easter Sunday. FUCKING GROSS!!! i kept hacking shit up out of my mouth, snot rocketing out my nose, all along the beach to the horror of all the sunbathers, but i wanted that shit OUT.OF.ME. i read somewhere about an old trick surfers use where they gargle with hydrogen peroxide and shoot saline up their noses and in their ears after they've been in the water. basically flush out any orifice where bacteria can settle and make you ill...ok, well maybe not EVERY ORIFICE. ever since, i've carried a small bottle of both in my transition bag for days like this, so we gargled and spat and gargled and hacked and salined and snotted all over that parking lot. kinda sad that it had to come to that....FUCKING POLLUTION.


thumbs down to pollution!!!
it was supposed to be a brick. you know, where you quickly transition from one event to the next?? but noooooooo. i had to gargle, then dry off, then catch up with Yanti while i liberally applied sunscreen all over the bod. has anyone ever taken 30 minutes in transition at Ironman?? i might just set a record.

16 miles. i just needed to run 16 miles including two moderate hills and i'd be done with the long training weekend and onto MY DAY OFF. not knowing how my body would feel after the 100 lazy ass miles the day before, my plan was to run/walk at a 5:1 rather than my typical marathon ratio of 6:1. i was doing great, holding my heart rate at between 155-160, and then i made a FATAL MISTAKE. along the far end of the boardwalk, i came upon the last drinking fountain i'd see for a while. i still had a good 6 ounces of Gatorade Endurance left in the bottle, and i wanted to switch to just plain water for a few miles. not thinking, i quickly gulped down the rest of the Gatorade, rinsed out the bottle, refilled it with water and off i went. now any smart person would have just drank a little bit of the Gatorade and dumped the rest right? yeah, well, NOT THIS GENIUS!!! 30 minutes more of running and the sloshing of the fluids in my stomach and ...OH DAMMIT. here you go, monica, here's that gastro distress you wanted to test out for race day!!! stomach is cramping, no stomach is bubbling, no wait, now it's traveling further south to the bowel region.....now doubling over in pain, i don't think i'm gonna be able to hold it 'til i find a bathroom. this is taking it a little further than just pissing yourself!!! i sat down until i felt like my stomach had settled a little and then continued as gently as possible to the next bathroom about a mile away. even after the pit stop, the last 3 miles were friggin' miserable. once again, some little mistake had totally turned my world upside down. but i finished, holding my pace at just under 11:00 minute miles.

NEXT WEEK:
NO CAMERA
RIDE HARD
THROW THE GATORADE OUT NOT DOWN!!!

SHOUT OUT TO MY HOMEGIRLS!!!

ok, weekend recap is coming by the end of the day, I PROMISE!!! until then, here's a preview from the weekend that goes out especially to Kim (whose Toga Birthday Party pictures i eagerly await) and Shelley (whose Cuba trip pictures i eagerly await!!). i think we should start a movement, ladies!!!!

here i am, pictured outside my White Trash accommodations at the Sweet Pussy Ranch. oh, and the name of The Ranch isn't any sort of derogatory or personal reference. that's straight up what the place is called, so go figure...perhaps named after one of their nice cats?? many a musician has come here to get away from it all and record the preliminary tracks for their albums. breaks ups, make ups, marriage proposals, and ONE KICK ASS WEDDING all happened on this hallowed ground. babies have been conceived here i'm sure, and at least one outlaw hid out here, but i think i may just be the first triathlete who came on a quest to ride 100 lonely miles...

AND I'M OUT...

it's friday. no shoots today.

got my morning swim in? - check

car is washed? - check

bike is washed? - check

AC recharged? - check

bills are paid? - um, they can wait 'til monday.

FOOD IS PREPPED - CHECK

just need to stop off at my LBS on my way outta town to have them adjust my new chain. i think when they put it on in a hurry mid-ride saturday, they didn't shorten it enough to compensate for my compact crank. it's been slipping often when i downshift to the small ring in front.

i've been running outta real estate for these long rides and getting really bored with the same old routes, so i'm headed northeast an hour and a half to my friends, Marina and Dave's, spot in the high desert, Yucca Valley. gonna stay overnight and ride my 100 miles through The Valley, Pioneer Town, and Joshua Tree National Park. it'll also be a good opportunity to get some heat acclamation in. there's not much time between now and race day that it will get really warm enough here in the City of Angels to prepare for Brasil, although it'll be fall in Brasil in May, but still warmer than here. gonna ride solo which kinda scares me after the chain incident last saturday, but i'll have my cell phone and my friends will be hangin' out all weekend at their place, so i call call them if i get into any trouble. wish i had time to stop off for a Sound Bath at the Integratron. now that would be the ultimate rejuvenation!!! but alas, i'll head straight homme early tomorrow night to get ready for the hour long ocean swim immediately followed by a 16 mile run that's on the schedule for Easter Sunday. speaking of Easter, my neighbors didn't put any St. Paddy's decorations up, nor is there an inflatable bunny up for sunday. nothin'. i should probably go check on them and make sure they're alive before i leave...

lastly, an update on my nutrition or lack thereof: I'M GOIN' PALEO. inspired by Bolder and some other athletes out there including COACH who's done it and felt results, i ordered the book, and it should arrive monday. not doing it to lose weight per se, just feeling the need to eat cleaner these last two months and hopefully feel the results in my efforts and in my ability to recover quickly. i just can't keep asking my body to do this day in and day out and sometimes twice a day and then recover in less than 24 hours without feeding it the cleanest fuel. i don't put anything lower than 89 octane in my '95 Volvo mom wagon, so why would i feed anything less to my own 36 year old body??? i'm a little concerned about the "lag time" before i feel the results. i've read that Joe Friel himself felt like shit on a stick for about the first two weeks when he made the switch, but then really reaped the benefits. i'll be patient, and hopefully it pays off. anyone wanna impart their own experiences???

HAPPY EASTER WEEKEND TO YOU ALL!!!

PSA: DON'T BE A DUMBASS LIKE ME!!

so last night i had a small brick on the schedule. it was small in distance but big on intensity at least for the run portion. i was supposed to ride 25 miles in upper zone 2 while maintaining 90 rpm. no sweat right? then right off the bike i was supposed to run 7 miles AT SLIGHTLY FASTER THAN RACE PACE. crazy thing is, i don't even know what my race pace is for Ironman. i mean, i know what my race pace is for a straight foot race marathon, but not an Ironman marathon. i just have no idea how the swim and bike fatigue will slow me down and by how much. and then i was supposed to run SLIGHTLY FASTER than that?? so i picked a heart rate zone of about 170 which is definitely in my zone 3. let's see if i can hold it there. AND I DID!!! that came out to just under 9:00 miles, definitely slightly faster than any marathon pace i've ever kept. SUCCESS RIGHT???

i always tell my runners that i coach that the strength of my coaching style is that i've done everything wrong so that they don't have to. really, EVERYTHING from not eating breakfast before a long run to showing up for a 14 miler STILL DRUNK from the night before. THAT.WAS.NOT.PRETTY.PEOPLE. oh, and lest we forget the time i ran a half mary in BRAND NEW SHOES i bought the day before? NOT.PRETTY.EITHER. so last night after my brick, i added another one to the list of "don't do what i did" or better yet "do what i DIDN'T DO."

i definitely pushed it on the brick. COACH warned that while the distance for some workouts would stay short, the intensity would increase. so short was the brick that i came home and was delighted that i still had nearly two hours before i needed to get to bed to get up and do this crap all over again!! so i made a mad dash for THE BATHTUB. oh what luxury, what decadence to actually be able to soak my body and read some trash magazines for a second. i sat there for over an hour reading all about Nicole and the new baby, the Jolie-Pitts, of course Miss Tragique herself, Brittany, and much much more. then IT HIT ME. i started to feel woozy, a little light headed, and my stomach started to retch on itself. UH.OH...

if there's one thing i THOUGHT i'd learned in training, it's that nutrition is the 4th event. no wait, transition is the 4th event, nutrition is the 5th?? you know what i'm gettin' at. and just as important as pre-fueling, and fueling while in the effort, YOU'VE GOT TO REPLENISH TO RECOVER QUICKLY AND BE ABLE TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. so in my haste to get in the tub and soak, i hadn't eaten A THING. there i was in the bathtub feeling light headed and starting to tremble uncontrollably. luckily my mom had just gotten in from a late work meeting, (yeah, my moms is living with me right now. whole other story for a whole other day on a whole other blog.) so i yelled out to her for help. i needed something in my system quick, so i asked her to bring me a root beer. the quick sugar and carbonation helped stop the trembling enough to where i could get out and lay on my bed, but the damage was done, and then i didn't even know what i COULD eat. so i had some brown rice and my stomach couldn't handle it. it was so empty and then with the quick introduction of the rice, it cramped and seized all which ways. so i went straight to bed and tried to lay still and let my stomach calm down. at about 2am, i woke up hungry and had a small bowl of cereal which felt satisfying and my stomach felt back to normal. but did i learn my lesson???

NOPE.

got up about 6am to shower and then head off to a shoot. in my head, i'd already had breakfast with that bowl of cereal. YEAH, LIKE 5 HOURS AGO!!! and off i went. what i was supposed to shoot at 9am got pushed to 11am, but it could have been anytime in between then all depending on a 3rd party delivery. so i just sat around waiting and reading Going Long in my car, as this was a location shoot with no catering as most of my jobs have. started to shoot around 10:30, and by noon, SAME THING AGAIN. it started to get warm, i started to get woozy again, and it suddenly occurred to me that it'd been 12 HOURS SINCE THAT LAST BOWL OF CEREAL. i had to sit down for a second, then take some last shots, and then bolt out of there as fast as i could and FIND FOOD. oh joy, no cash in wallet. FIND BANK THEN FIND FOOD. and by the time i ate, the stomach cramped again. it's now 11:30pm, and although i've eaten small amounts all afternoon since the most recent brain fart, the cramps are still holding on.

is this the gastro distress they talk about at Ironman?? could i be so stupid as to let this happen to me all the way in Brasil?? could i really be so absent minded as to let this happen to me on the big day?? i would hope not, but look how distracted i got over a bathtub and a People Magazine!!!! i can only hope to keep my head in the game and never let this happen again. after all, i've never again run a half mary in brand new shoes OR run 14 miles while still drunk. so do as i say and NOT AS I DO....

EAT RIGHT
EAT OFTEN
EAT BEFORE, DURING, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY,

AFTER

HUMP DAY HAIKU!!

they say you can eat
anything you want, and more.
don't think they meant these...

WEEKEND RECAP: THE OUTLINE

kinda late to be writing a weekend recap on a wednesday, but St. Paddy's day deserved its own post, and yesterday just got away from me. plus, you all must be waiting on pins n needles for the HUMP DAY HAIKU!!! so i'll give you a brief outline. starting this next week, i gotta be more on top of getting the recaps written by sunday night.

I. SATURDAY
A. Hour Long Ocean Swim
1. weather called for high wind and surf advisories
2. Iron Maiden of Honor, Lesley, joined me but couldn't get out past the surf.
a. i'll cut her some slack since
(1) it was her first ocean swim since last August
(2) she just returned from running The Antarctica Marathon two weeks ago!!!
3. so i swam by myself
a. went out for a half hour as conditions exponentially got worse.
b. on the way back i realized i was stuck in a riptide and not going anywhere.
c. so i just kept swimming in the washing machine of a rip until my hour was up.
(1) that may be the closest i'll get to swimming in one of those endless pools
4. got out about .2 of a mile from where i started
a. felt a little defeated
b. but also felt hardcore for being out there all alone without even a surfer in sight

II. SUNDAY
A. Brick of 70 miles with hills followed by an 8 mile run.
B. The Bike
1. HELLA WINDY!!!
2. had to stop and walk across a ton of sand berms that had formed from the wind on the bike path


3. 17 miles into the ride and just at the base of the PV Loop, MY CHAIN BROKE!!!
a. i have the chain tool but don't know how to use it. DOH!!!
b. a nice man named Andy stopped and showed me how to use the tool.
(1) may Andy be blessed with:
(a) all the best bike kharma from here to eternity
(b) a full head of hair for all of eternity
c. even though it was put back together, Andy wasn't confident that i should ride any further on this chain.
(1) he recommended that i keep it in the small ring and not put any crazy torque on it.
d. so i coasted in the small ring to the closest shop, Triathlon Lab, about 2 miles away.
(1) they weren't open for another hour and a half.
e. so then i coasted to the next tri club sponsor, Helen's Cycles, about another 5 miles away and in the opposite direction.
(1) 15 minutes and about 50 bucks later, i was back in business.


4. finally made it up into PV for some climbing
a. IT WAS SUPER HELLA WINDY!!!
(1) when i came around to the windward side of the peninsula, i felt like:
(a) my bike was gonna do the WWF smackdown onto the road or
(b) i'd just get blown right into oncoming traffic
b. at this point, with the wind, and after the flat, i was DONE.
(1) i could barely maintain about 12mph
(a) so i just kept it spinning and barely held any effort
5. came back down the peninsula and onto the flats to bring it home for the run
a. got some nice micro-dermabrasion to the face from all the sand whipping around on the bike path.
C. The Run
1. still HELLA WINDY and I FORGOT MY SUNGLASSES!!!
2. just tried to focus on keeping about a 160 heart rate
3. more dermabrasion to the legs and eyeballs
4. i could tell i hadn't pushed it on the bike much because:
a. i maintained 9:08 minute miles for 8 miles.
(1) HOLY.SHIT.


that's the outline to my story, and i'm sticking to it...

ERIN GO BRAGH!!!

funny part is, i'm black and i'm irish, so i can party with the best of 'em!!!

hope you're all sportin' green today. don't make me come over there and pinch your ass...

weekend recap coming soon...

LEARNING TO SAY NO

this morning i had to make a difficult call. this came after two nights in a row on the trainer 'til midnight. two nights ago it was 2 hours, and last night i had to knock out 3 hours and 20 minutes. my neighbors must look at me through my window and think i'm insane. no wait, they can't see me through the window, CUZ THEY'RE ALL ASLEEP!!! is this really what it's come to?? even with daylight savings and all, there i was on the trainer at midnight, and all the while the anxiety was building...

how the hell am i gonna get it all done??
why did i over extend myself like this??
why am i so eager to jump to attention and please everyone??
didn't they hear me??
why won't they listen??
I'M TRAINING FOR A FRIGGIN' IRONMAN!!!

and that's when i had the epiphany. right there on the trainer at about 2 hours in, as the wheel was spinning, the FIRE CROTCH in full effect and the Tivo in overdrive as i caught up on weeks of past due episodes, i finally broke down and had to admit to myself....

I CAN'T BE IN 3 PLACES AT ONCE.

now this Ironman training has certainly taken my endurance to another level. i'm, stronger, i'm even a little faster, and sometimes it feels like i can be in 2 places at once, but 3 is pushing it, people.

so i made the call, and i had to say NO.

it was the hardest call i've had to make in a long while. i said NO to a really amazing opportunity that hopefully hasn't passed me up for good, but if i can't fully commit and do it the right way, i don't wanna do it the half-ass way, and that's what i was looking at. i said NO, and i may have disappointed some people, even myself a little, but mostly for not being realistic about my time in the first place and setting some boundaries. you just have no idea how this Ironman will consume your life. sure they try to warn you in the books, at the lectures. "training for an Ironman is like having a second job." but you still just have no idea until you're in it...

i said NO. and it's ok.

HUMP DAY HAIKU!!

if your path is paved
with a shit ton of road blocks
maybe it's a sign...?

STUPID LONG RECAP CUZ I'VE BEEN M.I.A.

hey y'all. been bad about posting and keeping up with everyone's blogs, but i was away for another week in S.F. it took everything i had just to get my training in, get to the studio for the shoot, then back to the gym in the evenings for the second workout of the day. the difference between this last week up north and the previous trip was just being primed for the exhaustion. this time i knew what i was getting into. i didn't even have to take a nap in the parking lot at the gym, not once. sleep was the number one priority which meant blogging and reading of blogs was not an option. my google reader is bulging at the seams. I MISS YOU ALL!!

since i had to say goodbye to the bike (which still has yet to be named, stay tuned) for the whole week again, COACH said it would be better than nothing to try to squeeze some spinning classes in. so i did, but i think "better than nothing" is an overstatement. no disrespect to The Kahuna or anyone else out there who i read about getting their spin on quite regularly, but SPINNING IS STRAIGHT UP RETARDED. mind you, i'm making a clear distinction here between spinning and getting a bike workout in on the trainer, because they are NOT THE SAME. in fact, the only thing that is the same is that you spin forever and go nowhere which sucks enough already, but ya think i wanna go nowhere with a room full of other people going nowhere?? WHY?? on the trainer, i'm on MY REAL BIKE with my own pedals and cleats, my own gears, my own aerobars, not some weird-ass contraption that just has one dial for tension and shoe baskets dangling below the SPD side of the cleat. and most importantly, on my own trainer, i'm in the privacy of my own home, choosing my own entertainment as i ride to nowhere, not being yelled at by some super-over-the-top gym rat while being forced to listen to some HIDEOUS DISCO MIX. i'm a music snob, what can i say, so it's bad enough when i have to listen to what someone else thinks is inspiring music, but when they PLAY THE SAME SONG 3 TIMES, i'm pretty much done. oh, and i picked the "bike" next to the WOO HOOER. you know, the guy who WOOO HOOOS at the beginning of every song, at the end of every song, at every turn of the tension dial and as the answer to the question "you guys feeling the burn?"

WOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!

all that to say, i did the spinning thing, it sucked, but yes, it was something rather than nothing...

i couldn't wait to get home for the weekend of long stuff. i had really hoped to ride the Solvang Century on saturday, but seeing as i wasn't landing 'til about 9pm which would have me back home at more like 10:30, and Solvang is a good 2 hour drive from LA, well i'd be setting myself up for disaster and pretty much pissing good money away. so i asked COACH if i could instead do the Pasadena Sprint Tri going on right in my back yard at the Rose Bowl. given the short distance and that it was going on so close to home, sleep wouldn't be as critical. plus, my friends are the race directors, so i wanted to support them and volunteer.


the race was a reverse tri: 5k run, 15k bike, 150m pool swim. i'd never done a reverse tri or a pool swim race for that matter, so this was another first. i checked out the times from last year, and i thought i might have a good shot at the podium which gave me extra motivation out there!! it was hard though to switch gears from all the long distance pace of my Ironman training to the intensity of a sprint race. no doubt, all this training is making me faster all around, but to turn it up for a sprint, could i do it?? my goal was to go under an hour...

i started to size up the competition at the racks, and there were lots of nervous newbies. i heard one lady say to her friend, "take a look at her bike. she's serious. we're way out of her league." but i told 'em it was all for looks, that i really didn't know what i was doing. they laughed. i remember being nervous like that at my first race, but i always remembered the kindness of strangers in transition, helping me get set up, showing me tips and tricks. i always wanna be that helpful person, never intimidating, never rude, never dismissive of the newbies. still though, i was eying the lady filling up her aero bottle on her tricked out carbon ride. aero bottle? really? for such a short distance?? ok, SHE was headed to the podium for sure.


the Range Rover lost...
we took off on the 5k run, and i knew we'd be doing the uphill portion of the Rose Bowl loop first, so i tried to keep it at about a 170 heart rate, kinda the top of zone 3. i could definitely turn it up on the downhill and let gravity bring me home. immediately i started sizing up the other women around me.

oh damn, there goes a 26 year old. whatever. not for me to chase or worry about.

wonder how many 35-39s are ahead of me. just for kicks, let's say there's 3. ok, so i'm in 4th place.

i'm passing some peeps and getting passed by others, but my heart rate is consistent. it's all good.

oh shit, her leg says 37, and she's flying. no way i can catch her. ok, 5th place now.

man, he's kinda cute. i think i'll stick behind him for a second...

shit, another 36 year old. sorry hawtie dude, gotta pick it up. can i stay behind her??

and yet ANOTHER 38 year old passes being paced by her husband. what the hell am i doing here?? i'm training for a friggin' Ironman. i can't be pushing this pace!!! what good is this doing me??

what am i, like 8th place now? fuck it.

and there goes another one with 35 on her calf....

can i at least hold it in the top 10???

coming 'round the bend into T1, i heard my friend "Riptide" Ray on the megaphone:

"GO MONICA!!! ok, go everyone else too, but GO MONICA, YOU'RE LOOKING STRONG!!"

coming into T1, there they were at the racks, 3 bitches from my age group all muddlin' with their socks and cycling shoes and helmets..

me: "you ladies are KICKING.MY.ASS."

35-39 lady (chuckling kinda condescendingly): "oh, don't worry. you'll have plenty of opportunity to make it up"

me (looking at my shoes already clipped onto my pedals and saying to myself): "LIKE.RIGHT.HERE.RIGHT.NOW. SEE YA WOULDN'T WANNA BE YA!!!"

those transition clinics that i took through Triathletix finally paid off, and they aren't kidding when they say transition is free time. in one instant, i was in 9th place, but by the time i grabbed my helmet and my bike and ran to the mount line barefoot, i had passed at least 3 speedy rabbits...

SILLY RABBITS. SOCKS ARE FOR WALKS...

and i never saw them again.


EAT.MY.DUST.BITCHES!!
just into the first 5o yards of the bike, as i was finally getting my feet velcroed into my shoes, i saw the last of the women that had passed me on the run. poor thing was on a hybrid. there was nothing that could save her now...

BUBBYE

now that i had passed all the bitches, i just needed to hold my own, but MY LEGS WERE GONE. GONE!!! never to return. somehow the bike was moving and at a pretty good clip even on the uphill portion of the loop, but i seriously could not feel my legs. this made it all the more clear and evident to me why a triathlon goes in the order that it does. no bike to run brick ever felt like this, and if it did, it usually went away and i would get some sort of sensation back in my legs in about the first quarter mile of the run, but nope. not here. not on a run/bike brick which i've NEVAH EVAH done before now at this race.

THIS SUCKS DONKEY'S NUTS. JUST GOTTA HOLD IT TOGETHER AND GET IN THAT POOL...

rounding the last bend of the last loop and coming into T2, i nearly took out another lady with 39 on her leg. apparently when she heard "LEFT" and "ON YOUR LEFT" and "MOVE OVER LADY!!" she thought it meant she should move in towards me as close as possible, close enough for me to spit in her eye. whatever. she still had another loop to go. i'm so outta here and off this bike...

T2 was uneventful. it already read 1:01 on my watch, so there went the time goal. no swim cap, no earplugs, just goggles because i had my contacts in. now just a short little run and then 150 meters in the pool and I'M.DONE. i didn't care what place i was in now. no diving allowed so we all had to sit at the edge of the pool and fall in feet first.

MOTHER EFFER. THIS POOL HAS GOT TO BE ABOUT 90 DEGREES!!!

outta my way. passing. passing. dying. dying. ARMS.ARE.FALLING.OFF. heart is jumping outta my chest. by the time i get into a rhythm and start trying to focus on an efficient stroke...

I'M DONE.

1:05:10

5th place.

i'll take it.


me n Cameron Widoff, most winningest American at Kona, EVAH!!

to add insult to injury, COACH added a 12 miler to the schedule later that day. "no problem, i'll get it done," i thought, but not before i ate my weight at IHOP with Generic Events race directors, Brennan and Luis, and fellow LA Tri Club peeps...


we'll have one of everything please!!!

then the fatigue from the travel and the race set in, and i needed a nap. i slept so long that i felt that groggy feeling from SLEEPING TOO MUCH. it was 5:30 now, the french toast hadn't worn off, and i still needed to get 12 miles in and get my shit together for the 90 mile hill ride coming the next morning. so there i was back at the Rose Bowl, the scene of the Sprint Tri crime, running my miles in the dark. by the 3rd loop and 9 miles in, i wasn't so much fatigued or hurting as much as just worrying whether i'd have enough time to recover before the long bike the next morning, so i bagged it. i'm sick of bagging it. but i bagged it. 9 miles instead of 12. so sue me...

i invited Mr. Creepy McCreeperson to join me for sunday's ride. he'd been wanting to ride together for a while, but my mileage was too long, and he lives near where i wanted to get the miles in, so i thought it'd be a chance for us to catch up. he could do the ride out and the first loop of hills for about 65 miles (his longest ride), and i'd continue for another loop in the hills and meet him later. i was house sitting at Iron Maiden of Honor, Lesley's nearby which would get me maximum sleep and help me to be on time the next morning considering the daylight savings change. that all sounded like a fine plan until i got to her apartment and I COULDN'T OPEN HER DOOR. there i was at 11:00 at night, getting there way later than i should have, standing there for 10 minutes trying to pry the door open, and too late to wake any of her neighbors.

SHIT.FUCK.SHIT.FUCK. FUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!

i couldn't believe it. how many times had i opened and closed this door the week prior, and now all i wanna do is go to sleep, and i can't get in. i had no choice. NO.CHOICE. i couldn't drive all the way back home just to come back again the next morning. i had to call Mr. Creepy. i had to sleep at his place. I SWORE I WOULD NEVER SET FOOT IN HIS APARTMENT AGAIN, but 10 minutes later, there i was in his bed, drawing an imaginary line down the center between us over which he could not cross, and honestly, he was perfectly behaved. and not that i wasn't tempted myself, but we laughed and joked and pointed fingers and kept saying we were going to sleep, but then one of us would bring up some other bone of contention like we were at a 5th grade slumber party. HOW VERY JUNIOR HIGH...


the next morning i could barely move. i was seriously hurting and wondering how i was gonna knock out these friggin' 90 miles WITH HILLS!!! we finally clipped in at about 7:30 and made our way through the foggy morning headed to the PV Peninsula loop. it took me about the first 8 miles just to get my quads loose. this was my first ride with Mr. Creepy since Ironman training began, and i think it finally set in with him just how insane my life has become. we hit the switchbacks at about mile 30 and for the first time, i beat him up a climb. base training has definitely changed everything!!! nutrition was a success, and i came back down into the flats to finish it off down the Ballona Creek. his 65 miles alone sent him to the couch icing his ass for over an hour, but i kept on moving afterwards. i had to figure out the key situation back at Lesley's praying i didn't need to call a locksmith. low and behold, i find one of her neighbors who tells me "oh, all the locks here stick really bad." and POOF!!! she's got it open. i know i know, Mr. Creepy must have thought it was a ploy to get in his pants, but funny enough, we passed a more than rigorous "let's just be friends" test. later i took him to dinner to thank him for letting me invade his world on a dime like that and to celebrate his birthday a few days early. good times, good heart to heart talk, but at his request, no birthday candles or singing by any of the wait staff, and i think it might be time to drop the nickname, Mr. Creepy McCreeperson...

NOT!!!

any other creep as creepy as Mr. Creepy McCreeprson i woulda dropped long ago and told to lose my number, but i honestly love the damn guy, known him since i was 13. he's doing a lot of soul searching these days, and i'm doing, well, a lot of training which is pretty much the equivalent of soul searching. there's no time for bullshit and games. we just have no business being anything other than friends EVER.AGAIN., and i think we can honor that now.

ok, now he'll just be known as Mr. C.

HUMP DAY HAIKU!!

the ocean called me
pod of dolphins by my side
when YOU jumpin' in?